PlazaJen: The Blog

Riding the Bike with One Pedal.

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Faux Mailbag

Dear PlazaJen!

I think you are so great. You always have awesome perspective and advice, so I’m writing to ask you this question, one that has been troubling me for a while. I really like to share my life story with people, and sometimes, it seems, I get odd looks from OTHER people when I’m doing it. When is it appropriate to talk in excruciating detail about my personal life?

One Vital Reader,

Cher

Dear O.V.R. Cher:

Let’s start with the ball-peen hammer. NOT IN THE FUCKING POST OFFICE.  To the LONE CLERK who is working. Maybe this flies when there isn’t a line of three people behind you, but when even the clerk is sending you numerous non-verbal clues to wrap it up, move along, git outta here, STFU, then you need to just grab your shit and go. Call up a girlfriend, go get a pedicure together, go out to lunch, pour out your stories to them. Trust me. The stink eyes will cease. And you won’t feel like you’re in the starring role of a Greek tragedy, with the chorus behind you chanting, “Make! Her! Leave!”

Best of luck, and try to park your giant SUV a little better next time,

PlazaJen

Oh, and I have no idea

why my template is suddenly jacked up. Even though I’ve done nothing (no-theeeng) to it. Magic! I tell you, it’s everywhere.

WAIT I do, that last post? Too long. So I apologize, but to get all the PlazaJen goodness (with photos!), you’ll need to click for “more”….

Oh, and P.S.! I’m back in the Loopy Ewe Sneak Up! w00t!

Whoah Nelly.

Today has begun at a full-on gallop, and I don’t expect it to subside any time soon.

I would be remiss if I didn’t start at the beginning, though – JWo’s birthday was on Saturday. We made plans to go down to Truman Lake, and do some fishing. We planned to find a motel or cabin, spend the night, fish Sunday morning, and then get home mid-afternoon. Didn’t quite work out that way, but we still had an enjoyable day. It was more…boating. And trolling, and attempting to catch fish, and bait, but really, all we ended up catching was a drum and two channel catfish. Over 8 hours. Lemme tell you, my butt was SORE. We did go ashore around lunch, and just anchored the boat while we fixed sandwiches & ate Twizzlers – in the water, mind you. Swimming was lovely, the day was bright & there was a breeze. I have the faintest of pink on me, because I slathered myself in 50 SPF sunscreen and wore a hat (hey! Check out the big brain on Jen!). But we just could not succeed in the fishing department. (Many fisherman blame the full moon, fwiw.)

We did, however, see some really awesome wildlife, since there’s a state park on the water; we saw oodles of deer, and lots of wild turkeys, and loads of buzzards. (I was not enamored with the buzzards, as I associate buzzards with death, they’re hideous, and in general, they just kinda freak me out.) At one point, I looked at the bank and squinted, asking James, “What IS that over there?” He looked (in a different direction) and said “Buzzards.” I said, “With a WHITE HEAD?” Nope! Turned out to be a bald eagle with an immature bald eagle, most likely a momma guiding her baby around the coves and teaching the finer points of fishing. So that was really nifty, and I must say, bald eagles walking are about the same height as small children. They’re huge!  I definitely would not want one diving in at me every day & ripping out my liver.

I like to work in my highly under-utilized knowledge of Greek Mythology whenever I can. It’s really a service we provide here at PlazaJen Enterprises.

In other news, I’m jetting back to NYC to meet with the folks at CR, and I am finally, really, truly, bona-fide excited about it. I realized last week that I was caught in the undertow of grief, all of which can be intellectually understood, but, unfortunately, not reasoned out of by logic. Because winning the Consumer Reports account is a huge, huge personal and professional accomplishment – and the one person whose approval I worked for all my life, the one person who would have been really impressed, would finally have something awesome to tell people about his kid who works in advertising – well, that person is gone. Broke my fucking heart. Brings tears to my eyes now just to acknowledge it so openly. But hey. I imagine parents who have kids and watch the milestones pass after their parents are gone have a similar row to hoe.  I’m not special or alone in this quagmire, and the mantra of time always comes back around to haunt. At least enough time has passed already.

Continue reading

My Mind Kind of Exploded…

…when I saw THESE in the latest Sephora catalog:

Now that I know the technology is there, I want all my makeup to be press-on. How handy would that be? And I can see it now – BuildYerFace, where you create a mold of your face, fill in all the spaces with press-on makeup – whether you dump it in, or you lock in the little application papers – and in one fell swoop (with probably a suction-cup sound), you are READY for the DAY, my friends.

Of course, with the pricing, each Day O’ Face would run a gal $40, which isn’t exactly feasible. Those eyeshadow thingies are $5 a pop. As in $2.50 per eye, per eyeshadow. And what’s with the odd-number of applications? You get two sets of two styles, but only one set of the third. That sort of asymmetry makes me crazy. Things like this need to be evenly distributed, or it makes ..yes, my eye twitch.

No worries – I’m not buying them, because I have plenty of old-fashioned apply-it-myself eyeshadows, and $25 for a box of crazy seems a little foolish. And anyway, I’m fantastic enough without Le Tigre! camo eyeshadow (paws at you with claws extended, RAWR!) But part of me still loves them, and as Beth pointed out, it’s only a matter of time before someone does the Lee Press-On Makeup version.

The Cobbler’s Children Have the Worst Shoes.

wantskneedsknitter

I put a banner ad up on Ravelry, the big internet site for fiber-holics, and have generated a few sales of the Knitter decals…but of course, now that I’m the client, I’m a nightmare. To myself.

I did re-word my ad, and JWo has pointed out as people actually see the clings for themselves, they become far more engaged than they do from a picture on a website.

But today? I had a little stroke of brilliance, and did a search for various car enthusiasts on Ravelry, because seriously, there is a group for everyone on that site. And sure enough – there are MINI Cooper knitters, VW knitters, Volvo knitters and Hybrid knitters.  Not that it’ll guarantee more people will click & buy? But since the most logical place for these clings is your car, might as well TARGET my message to … people with cars!

Duh. I was happy and sneering at myself for taking four days to come up with that one. Good thing I’m sharper with my clients – but I do know that when you’re close to something, it’s a lot harder to get perspective!

Now, go be a dear and buy 10 or 14.

I Think I Would Make An Excellent Senior Advisor.

With all the election hubbub raining down around us, there’s lots of talk about various people close to the candidates and their influence, roles, position, history, and at times, they speak for or about the candidate (or their wife).  I always wonder who this “Senior Advisor” is. A college chum? A former co-worker?  Certainly it isn’t something the average bear can just walk in and apply for, but I have to say, I’d do it.  This sounds like a cakewalk! You don’t actually have to be the bagman, you don’t have to even sew the bag – you just sit back, point, and say, “hmmmm, I think….. that fabric. With that pattern.” I’m sure it’s all much more complicated than I imagine, but I enjoy dreaming about a cabinet position.  Because that’s what Senior Advisors get, ya know, they get to be in charge of small armies of people to carry out The Policies, and at first I thought the ATF might be fun, lots of excitement, you know, and I would be more qualified for that than FBI/CIA. (I have, in fact, consumed alcohol, smoked cigarettes, and fired a gun. I have not spied on another country, and the only covert operation I’ve been guilty of is yarn smuggling. Into the house.)  Really, there are any number of cabinet positions that would be a great fit for me, as long as I can delegate, and isn’t that what the Senior Advisor does? I do have control issues, but I’d work through them if the price was right.

Unfortunately, I think I’m best suited for Senior Advisor on Knitting and Tomato Usage. Not having much luck finding either website with “.gov” paired with the skillset.  Ah well. I am enjoying the day job anyway.

Speaking of…. Did I mention Consumer Reports? I want to scream it sometimes. At strangers. I love them. (CR, not strangers.) I have to be careful I don’t love them too hard, you know, like a toddler with a baby chick on Easter. All I can say is, it’s gonna be fun to work on an account that can capitalize on the built-in passion I already have for them.

OK, It’s Official. The Big New Business Pitch Results Are In!

I knew last week, but couldn’t say anything.  My ad agency is the official agency of record for…..

wait for it….

drum roll…..

cue fireworks…..

Consumer Reports magazine.

We will get the full scope of our assignment next week (I anticipate more harried Plurking via mobile phone as we travel!).

I’ve worked on some fabulous accounts in my life, and I’ve worked on gigantic chemical companies that made my father cringe. (I’ve never forgotten a conversation on the phone – “I’ve spent my life as an environmentalist and my daughter works for XX?!” Another city, another job, but still. I hated his disapproval.)

Dad would approve. Highly. My Auntie Karen approves and agreed, Rick would have been proud. I talked about him in the new business pitch, and credited him for my own fervid love of the magazine. It makes me sad he didn’t live to see it, but my joy is still unchecked.  Oh, and I got to tour a chunk of the building when we were there – I was almost shaking with excitement.  To see where they test cameras, and televisions, and scooters, and laundry detergent. Maybe to some folks this seems mundane and geeky, but to me? Nir-frickin-vana.

Yeah. If I had a 40, I’d pour a little on the curb for ya, Dad.

The Concept of Loyalty

As a marketer, I’m fascinated by the psychological components that work together and create “brand loyalty”. I am a consummate consumer myself, and I can give you the rationale and reasoning (or lack thereof) behind many of the items I choose to buy.

Today, we were talking about a client’s business, and the different elements that contribute to loyalty. Our creative director talked about work on an account in a former life – an insurance company – who actually wanted their customers to file a claim. Unheard of, right? Well, this particular company had such phenomenal service, they knew that if their customer had one interaction with them, at a time of stress and worry, when something bad had happened – well, because they provided such great service, they knew that they’d have that customer for life.

That’s money in the bank, and that’s running your business well. Not many people have a product, brand, company that they’d commit to for life. But it also requires a commitment to that goal from the client. (important!)

Last month, when I was traveling (via train) with my interactive director, we were talking web stuff, and the subject of domain names came up. I asked him who he’s used – he answered, “GoDaddy” and then he asked who I used for my own website. DirectNIC, I told him. He laughed. Because he used to use directNIC, but as time went on, nobody seemed to recognize their name. I said that I’d happened onto them when I was helping my dad with his website, and had just stuck with them since.  Plus, when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, the staff at directNIC was in the thick of everything happening – and they stayed in their offices through the whole ordeal, blogging a live feed, posting photos, etc. I felt good about them. They were dedicated, they were reassuring everyone their data was going to be protected as best they could – and then they also had a unique opportunity to give the world more information.

But I still don’t know if I’d call myself “loyal”. Just stickin’ with ’em. Until tonight. Because as I referenced earlier, I had a devil of a time this past weekend, getting my little shopfront up and running, and then trying to redirect a sub-domain in my blog to that storefront. I knew it was on me to do it, and let’s face it, skilled in this arena, I am not.  I had two trouble tickets open – the first was closed quickly, refunding me the money I’d spent for a redirect, and then a day later, the second ticket was closed, stating that I couldn’t do what I’d figured out I couldn’t do. Ya know. Re-direct. As both tickets were closed, so was the issue in my mind. And then, tonight, I got an email from another tech specialist, who read my blog post about the situation, and he not only confirmed (in plain English) what wouldn’t work, but offered a solution, if I wanted to try to do something else differently. It isn’t something I’m going to do, BUT. BUT! BUT! He read my post. He responded to me when the ticket had already been closed. He went above and beyond. And now? I’m a loyal customer. Happy. Impressed.

There are other brands, products, entities, to which I’m fiercely loyal. Viva paper towels, for instance. Colgate toothpaste. Another brand (not mentioned)  -out of the blue- asked us to pitch them, and I can’t even begin to tell you how that feels. Like I’ve waited my whole career for this, quite frankly. I’ve done some unique, creative, innovative stuff – and I’m not even in the creative department. But this account would be like ….getting to work on a crazy yarn consortium consisting of Blue Moon Fiber Arts, Colinette, Hand Maiden, Louet, Wollemeisse and Noro. And all of them are giving you free yarn. I know. All my knitters just kinda wet their pants. Sorry! But I’m just that excited. Brand loyalty can really be that cool.

(Should know shortly on the business, too.)

Holy Filezilla, Batman!

I have long-professed my desire to be more nerdy. Probably from the beautiful actors in “Hackers“. In any event, I still have to do my blog roll, BUT, BUT, I upgraded to the current WordPress – Mike (of Monday’s comments, and speaking of Monday, boy howdy, we sure proved that we aren’t a political blog here, though I’m going to get around to more politics in a minute) – Mike was kind enough to send me some technical links, which I completely botched installing. Mainly the WP auto-updater. I put it in and Poof! Bye-bye website. Couldn’t for the life of me straighten it out. So. I went old-school. Line-by-line, read the instructions on how to install the upgrade, followed them diligently, and then – I do believe successfully – also installed the “Subscribe to comments” plug-in Mike had sent my way as well. I am a little rat-a-tat-tat machine-gun style with all of this, notably the part where I just DELETED entire folders and files. I was pretty sure I had a backup. Heh.  I attribute some of my shoot-em-up approach to the fact I lost most of last Saturday creating a CNAME re-direct for the Wants & Kneeds storefront, which apparently negated my hosting services at directNIC, and once they figured out what I had done, POOF! No worky, nothin’. I am now also adept at opening and appending numerous trouble tickets in their customer service section! And I’m just going to have to live with the absence of a redirect.  Maybe. I’m still waggling my eyebrows at that one.  However, I’ve become quite handy with the ol’ Filezilla, a free FTP program.

SO! I have a lot of Random Orts building up, with pictures even, so I will save that for another day, BUT, I will have a small triumphant dance on Phill Kline’s loss over in Kansas yesterday. God, that man makes me crazy. I firmly believe he is the Right to Life’s version of Joseph McCarthy, and he abused his position of power mightily to further his own political beliefs and agenda, all on the taxpayers’ dime.  Phill? I don’t care if you don’t agree with Roe v. Wade. IT’S THE LAW. As a public official, it is your duty to uphold the law, not squirrel away confidential medical records from your last job as Attorney General, and attempt to wield your limited scope of power like a bludgeon on the law.  Now there’s talk he’ll go into politics, and I’m sure he’ll have the support of his fervent followers (as I heard this morning on KCUR, pledging to support him in his “good fight”).  Well, good riddance is what I say, and I will point out that it was you, YOU in the first place, who motivated me to donate to NARAL, and I’ve continued to do so every year. Perhaps your skill set is needed in Topeka.

Harrumph and Triumph.

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