Category: Uncategorized (Page 10 of 114)

So, I got up at 3:40 a.m. today. And spent the next three hours making calls to Dublin, waiting for final approvals, finalizing payments and getting wire transfer information. It was a huge accomplishment, made all the bigger by the time difference & the very short window we had to get it all done.

I’m pleased, I’m happy, I left work early & went straight to bed. I only got a bit of a nap in, but I feel halfway lucid now, and I’m sure be at all-the-way by tomorrow. I hope we get to do more work in the future for our client, and I also hope we’ll get to do it a little bit more in advance. :) Not that I didn’t have fun hearing “Brilliant!” at 4:15 this morning, but email is a beautiful thing, “working” overnight and bringing answers by morning. I told the client it was magic! And of course you know what he thought of that word. Brilliant!

In knitting news, I started Jeanie from the latest Knitty, and was perturbed by the printing of the pattern – it left off the entire chart – did I already blog about this? I think I did. Anyway, I’m so glad it’s the weekend! I hope that all of you have great, relaxing times. I appreciated all the props and support and nice things you said over the avatar bullshit, the whole thing was petty & stupid, and it was apparent that the individual responsible for criticizing me wasn’t expecting to be accountable for her words TO me. So that was kind of funny, and also felt like righting a wrong. I remember being in her shoes once – I was in 5th grade, and Mrs. Polkow had called a classmate to the board – the very classmate on whom we’d managed to tape 20+ silly notes to his back. I remember that near-hysteria laughter of seeing him walking up to the front of the room, tiny pieces of notebook paper wafting in the air as he moved…. we didn’t say anything cruel, the goal was more to see how many pieces we could get on him. But Mrs. Polkow saw the papers, did a double-take and stopped him, removing all the notes. After class, I was in the girl’s restroom, and said to another girl, “Mean Mrs. Polkow, I can’t believe she took all those notes off Tom’s back.” And from the stall bellowed the words, “And you better not do it again, either!!!” I remembered the horror I felt, of being confronted – even indirectly – because I knew on the most basic level that what we’d done was wrong. Of course, that’s all part & parcel of what kids do to each other – the list of humiliations I suffered at the hands of my classmates still makes my blood run cold. But the idea is that ultimately? We outgrow such behavior. And when we see it, or have it done to us, we step in and say something, virtually bellowing from the stall, because we’re not in 5th grade any more – and we’re better than that.

Well, let me say thanks again on the icon suggestions. I’m still mulling.

Interestingly, or ironically, enough, I was alerted to a thread on Ravelry called “Creepy Avatars” and mine (which is the pink photo of me up there on the right) was called out by a woman who wrote: “I’ve only seen one avatar that really creeped me out. It is a depiction of a woman in sunglasses, on a pink background, and it looks like she is screaming. Why would one represent themselves that way? I am certain she/he is not that awful – knitters are great people!”

She didn’t even bother to figure out that, uh, it’s a picture of ME.

You callin’ me ugly, bitch?

(Sorry, you can’t hear me laughing. It’s high-pitched and asthmatic, that’s how funny it is to me.)

At first, I just came into the room and said, Yo, homes, I know what you’re saying about me, it’s ME, and it’s who I am, and a few people even said that they liked my avatar. Well, I woke up this morning (and yes, James, I hear you singing the Sopranos theme from over here) and I read an email from Beth, about how unnecessary it is to have these conversations that border on mean-spiritedness, and I decided to address it. After all, I’d gotten up at 5:30, drove through snowy roads to get here to call Ireland media companies, and they were still all AT LUNCH. At 2 in the afternoon there.

(Don’t worry, I’ll come back to Ireland.)

Here’s what I wrote:

Everything’s subjective…. and I guess that’s why I don’t draw my conclusions about a person from simply one tiny square on a screen. Must say, this thread seems like a springboard for “bash a Raveler” all based on one tiny piece of a person’s contribution and existence here at Ravelry. Without trying to fan flames, let me say this: I think it’s one thing to say “I don’t like solo body parts” or “Feet freak me out” or to discuss the whys and why-nots of using your face, child, pet, etc. – but to call out individual people for their avatars? – well, as one of those people, I’ll just say it feels a little high-school petty. But, that’s the internet for you. I tend to forget that even though we’re all knitters/crocheters and I expect a certain degree of commonality and assume a level of trust – we’re still all very diverse, and not everyone’s going to agree, or even be tactful or nice about what they say or put out there. So, if “creepy” it is for a few people, well, they’re ultimately the ones who are missing out – but I’m also not going to run and change my avatar or not let you know I’m aware of the pettiness. I’m almost 40. Too old for putting mean notes in lockers.

Personally, I like to amass a whole bunch of information before I determine someone is or isn’t to my “liking” and even then, there’s room for discourse, if that’s what you want. Of course, the fact that my avatar got nominated for “Funniest Avatar” on Ravelry (and even got more than one vote! though clearly not the winner, which is fine, I’m busy & acceptance speeches take so much time) reminds me that for me – just like in real life – for every person that dislikes me? There are ten more who actually really like me, enjoy me, and have taken the time to get to know me. Being judgmental is the easiest and hardest thing to do – it’s easy to leap to conclusions and make up your mind because then you have something concrete to believe – but I also say it’s hard, because you have to live within such narrow confines and limitations. And you miss out on a lot. Like, say, laughing with me. ;)

End of post. Bizzitchslap! Actually, that’s a far cry from a slap in my book. It’s much easier to read the message if you’re not being brutal or mean, and that was my goal. Gently pointing out that there are people behind every single glowing screen. I wanted to throw in a “Judge not, lest you be judged” but I don’t quote the Bible well, and it felt a little more heavy-handed than I wanted to end with.

The benefits of the internet far outweigh the drawbacks, this I do believe. It just stinks that people who would never dream of taking a crap in the middle of your living room have no problem doing it virtually. I really don’t try to edit myself too much – virtually or online – and I save my explosive, most bombastic tirades for my closest friends and James. Lucky them!

So, Ireland? Yeah! We’re buying some media there, and I’ve been straddling the time zone differential to get in touch with salespeople, in a really short amount of time. It’s been fun, although challenging not to immediately adopt the accent while I’m on the phone. I love the over-use of the word “brilliant” – they like to say it the way we say “cool” or “good”, and the big laugh of the day yesterday was when Kristin IM’d me that I should start shouting really loudly when I introduce myself as CALLING FROM THE UNITED STATES. Because you know, it’s a long way away.

Take a look at the size of my mouth though. I could do it. Brilliantly!

What a day! First off, you guys are great, and thank you for leaving your ideas about the icons. Of course I didn’t give you all the parameters, like the fact I can’t include colors, but I loved the ideas!!! I’m still mulling & I’ll let you know where I wind up. Part of me is deeply drawn to the crown that Alice in Wonderland wore. (So even though I said “no crown”, I can’t quite shake it!)

Today has been nutso. Everything was start-stop, so one email I was working on took me over an hour to complete, and then the servers were crashing so my email crashed & I had to re-create half the email, and can I just say I NEED A DRINK?

I got thrown a completely left-field project this afternoon and normally I’d be all “FOUL” and “WHA? THE F?” But oddly enough, I surprised even myself & just swung. And hopefully, it’ll be a base hit. Who knows?! I think it was a concrete, defined puzzle, that – despite the fact it involves international pricing and trying to talk to sales people who are 6 hours ahead of me – was at its core, a puzzle. God I love me the puzzles. Kristin turned me on to Scramble, on Facebook? And I’m frickin’ addicted to the one-minute Scrambles. As many words as you can find in 60 seconds, and it’s crazy! And a new game starts 15 seconds after the last one ends – it’s like tiny shots of adrenaline. Of course, I didn’t need any of it today because life has produced its own natural source of panic!

Anyway, I’ve been doing formulas and converting Euros and being reminded of how much easier the metric system is – good lord, why don’t we just switch? Because when it says “based on cm” and then measurements are given in mm – it’s no big deal to convert! It’s like a simpleton’s puzzle! (Not that the users of the metric system are simpletons. I do not need -oh- the ENTIRE WORLD mad at me!) It’s just so much more direct. And dare I say it, universal. I think the only problem I’d have if we switched would be the Fahrenheit/Celsius thing. I’d be convinced at all times someone was lying about the heat.

Anyhoo, I knew I was stressed today when all I could think about was how I needed to go home & battle Tom Morello on Guitar Hero. I could even hear the chords in my head.

I’m a nutjob. But I :embrace: it. Oh well. We all know what I’ll want to wear if I get named Queen of the Nutjobs….

Hi!
Happy Monday!

I swear, I’m not trying to get a gajillion comments, BUT, I have a fun sort of thing going on with work, and I’m looking for additional ideas.

We are re-branding the company (the owners are finally getting their names involved!) And with all that, new stuff has to get done – logos, letterhead, business cards, signs, all that jazz. Well, the fun thing about our new business cards is that every person gets to pick their very own icon! And we’ve been instructed to pick an icon that is a graphic representation of YOU.

Of course, my first thought was a crown. But that feels a little… pedestrian. Yeah, I’m the head of my department, but I don’t know that I want to be a queen. I’ve always opted more for the Czarina title, and I’m not sure they wear crowns. More like they wear capes with thick fur collars. Anyway. I realize most of you don’t know me in a working capacity, but anyone who’s read this blog for a short amount of time probably has a taste or flavor for who I am. And I’m interested to see what you think! (The only other icon that’s jumped into my head is the megaphone.) I’m kind of steering away from knitting, but I won’t rule it out. Kristin is leaning towards a sheep, so don’t pick that.

Can’t wait to see what you think! Thanks!

91%DRUNKARD

Uh, yeah. I only stumbled on two questions, mostly because I was going too fast. I loved that the first clue for one drink featured the Big Lebowski!

The joke at our house is that we love to drink. Except we always are forgetting to drink the drinks. Sounds like a really bad New Year’s resolution, eh? REMEMBER TO DRINK. Oh well, at least I know I could hold my own …. on a game show. Gin for $500, Alex!

No, not chicken butt.

But! I am still allergic to ACE-inhibitor drugs. Yeah! Guess who errantly refilled the exact Rx that jacked her up last year, and has been taking it for a month? Uh, yeah.

I was in a hurry to refill any outstanding prescriptions before our insurance changed (and prices went up.) And Aetna’s website isn’t the smartest – if you had a prescription that changed, no matter – they’ll serve the number up to you to click on “refill”! I even thought, before I actually got sick, that the little cough I had was reminiscent of the fun times I’d had at the beginning of the year. Even went so far as to double-check brand names. Guess who had a bottle of generic and didn’t put two and two together? (Have you figured out yet that all the answers to these questions point back to ME?! Yeah. I’m a friggin’ dope.)

I’ve since changed the features on my refill options so it shows the name of the drug, not just a random stream of numbers. And this morning, I picked out the little red pills from my pill box, and dumped all the remaining pills into the coffee grounds in the trash. Yes, coffee grounds. (There’s a website an’ everything for doing this. Super hooky addictive drugs are to be flushed, apparently.) Not that I think we’re going to get an insurgence of homeless people going through our trash this week, desperately seeking a water pill.

So, I’m so excited to sleep through the night again, and I’ve learned my lesson. The only person who can be trusted to pay attention to what drugs I should be taking is ME. (Not that I did a great job, as evidenced by this, but I think I also assumed that the Big Insurance Database somehow got rid of things you weren’t supposed to take. Not true!)

In knitting news, I have assembled the Doctor’s Bag, and now need to sew up the lining & stitch it in to said bag. Pics to come!!! (photo link is not my bag, but one posted on Amazon.)

Whenever I think of a movie that personifies letting go of our deepest and darkest sadnesses, I think of Harold and Maude. So it isn’t any surprise that the title of this blog sprang up as lines from a Cat Stevens song.

I caught myself today worrying. Worrying about a situation with a friend who likes to engage in a lot of passive-aggressive stuff, and how it hits all the buttons in me to freak out and worry worry worry. Those less involved might question the use of the word “friend”, but I’m letting that slide by like a puck on the ice. I envy my husband, to some extent, because he just doesn’t care. He has a very good buffer between himself and the world, and he even has really mean people in the duck world who say mean, shitty things about him, things that would keep me up at night, figuring out how to “win” the battle. I was never conditioned to have much of a buffer. I’ve got my own, it’s got Teflon hammered on to it, and it looks a little rough for wear, but there are still things that slip by, and usually the more personal and painful, the easier they get through.

So I took my lunch break to write out what I do when I’m being sensible. It turns out, I ask myself about five questions, to help put the inner Worry to rest.

1. Is the time to worry about (this problem) right now?
2. What is the worst-case scenario?
3. Does this situation involve another person’s thoughts, feelings, actions?
4. How much “real estate” is this taking up in my brain right now?
5. What outcome do I really want?

Now, how to handle the answers to those questions! Using a more detached, realistic approach.
Thought Process Guide:
1. Is this happening now? If the time to handle a problem isn’t right now, then it isn’t time to worry. Worrying is the illusion that you can control the problem before it happens. But telling me not to worry is like telling a chicken to start speaking Esperanto. So, let’s just acknowledge that worrying is a part of who I am, and let’s work to minimize its impact on my life.

2. Worst-Case Scenario? I used to have a boss who dealt with my high, keening worry about mistakes by asking me three questions: “Did the agency lose money?” “Did the client lose money?” “Did anybody die?” There was only time I remembered the answer was “Yes,” to any of those questions (and it was another person’s error, costing the company $40k.) Nobody lost their job. Nobody died. A math professor used to tell me, “Five hundred years from now, none of this will matter.” Well, it’s important to keep perspective. But for the sake of giving this Worry Project due diligence, let’s just imagine the worst-case scenario, and 9 times out of 10, I bet nobody dies.

3. Is there another person involved? Once there’s another person in the picture, you automatically lose 50% of your ability to influence the situation. Sometimes more. You simply cannot control another person, no matter how hard you try. Let go of what you can’t control.

4. How much real estate to give it? Worry is like a furnace. It can be stoked, fired up, added to and fueled until it’s a blazing, consuming bonfire and our minds can’t think of anything else. Take an honest inventory of how much brain power you’re currently devoting to this worry. Is it worth your precious brain cells? Really? Can you at least cut the real estate in half, as a gift to yourself?

5. What’s my ideal outcome? Inevitably, I want things to just be “ok”. To not have anyone mad at me, to not fail, to not have to fight, sometimes to win, to be right. Every single one of those wishes has a price, and it’s one I have to pay. Is it worth it? Especially if the time isn’t right now, if it involves another person, and it’s not benefiting me to keep ruminating on the subject.

My thought in this is that my inner Worry requires something. It doesn’t just go off and sit in a corner and wait very well. In fact, trying to ignore it only makes it more anxious, and it interrupts what I’m trying to focus on doing. To acknowledge I need a process, I’ve developed these five questions as a way to placate and calm the inner Worry. So much of what I want to do is “be prepared”, like I fear on some level I don’t have the self-confidence to handle a situation if I haven’t pre-loaded every scenario and run through it. Sure, it’s good to rehearse some things. It’s good to know how to defend your position and be prepared in many business situations. It even helps to run through things when you want to talk to someone about a personal issue, just so you sort out some of the emotionally charged verbiage and you can have your words heard more clearly. But I don’t need to borrow trouble. The day to worry about this isn’t today. I’ve had so much experience worrying, I need to remind myself that when that day comes? I’ll knock it out of the ballpark. I can worry with the best of the best. I’m platinum, or even AmEx Black when it comes to worry. So, Worry, you who sits inside just behind my ear and likes to whisper, we’ve walked through all this and it’s time to go be quiet. Just for today. If you’re still worried tomorrow, we’ll take five minutes and go through these questions again.

OK, since I’m being all 5-steppy and self-help-ey, I’m going to end with something positive. Going back to my beloved Harold & Maude, the movie ends with Harold playing the banjo on a mountainside, to the song “If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out”. (I know, I know. I’ve totally inspired all 14 of you to put this in your Netflix queue, simply with the word “banjo”.)

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

Chorus:
You can do what you want
The opportunity’s on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
You see ah ah ah
Its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
cause theres a million things to do
You know that there are

Chorus

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are

We do know it. We just need to remember it. Sing out. Be free. I’m putting Cat Stevens on my iTunes right this second…..

(insert dramatic, sweeping music here)

Seriously. This has been the vacation of containment and reclusiveness. I have touted all the knitting, but really, apart from a small mountain of laundry, I have nothing to show for myself except an enormous list of watched movies (with more in the wings, so you’ll have to wait for my one-line reviews.) Well, level 6 on Guitar Hero. I cannot battle Leo and win so apparently, I’m stuck there. Right now, I’m enjoying some episodes of The First 48 on A&E and re-caffeinating my body – unfortunately, all the ads are geared at senior citizens preparing their estates and planning funerals and buying insurance so as to not burden your survivors. I’m beginning to resemble my shut-in friends more and more.

Part of the lethargy was being sick – and I still have a cough, but the fits of aggravated hacking have wound down to just a couple a day, so I’m glad about that. Part of it was sheer and utter laziness. I’m not one of those people who like to go on vacation and see forty-two points of local interest. My idea of a vacation involves moving slowly at my own pace (much like my animal sister, the Three-Toed Sloth), enjoying good meals & drinks, laughing, and naps.

So. I’d say I pretty much did that for the holiday break! But it occurred to me that re-entering the work world would be pretty brutal, if I maintained my degree of non-communication and shut-in-ness. Kind of like burning up in the Earth’s atmosphere when returning from space, if you didn’t plan for it. So I went to the grocery store this morning. Oy. Everyone has today off, pretty much, and 9/10ths of them were at the grocery store. And I don’t think most of them had a list. One woman got all bent out of shape in the rice aisle, but jesus, sister, we’re stacked up like trout swimming upstream here, and you think you’re being all gracious stopping – but you’ve parked right in front of the items I need. Sorry, but I’ve got a list! Once it was time to checkout, I was headed for a relatively empty lane, manned by my favorite bagger Calvin, and another woman tried to steer in front of me…. I have to admit, even in my foggy stupor, I was coming back around to the Ways of the World. Cut that bitch off at the pass. Mmmhmmm. James would have been horrified, he’s Mr. Congeniality and Consideration at the store. It’s a dog-eat-dog world and I’d already endured enough idiotic behavior – and my cart was pointed straight in while hers? Rolling along perpendicular, trolling for a better lane. So I figured the right of way went to me.

I noticed on my drive there, how things I normally ticked off in my head seemed new again – gas prices, for instance. I had only left the house once in uh, four days? And that was only to get Thai food, 6 blocks away. Ordinarily, I’d be noticing the rise & fall of gas prices, and mentally calculating when the best time to get gas might be – and today, I was all, Durrr? $2.81? It was in the $2.60’s when last I was out! I thought briefly about adding some stops – or maybe going back out again – but nah.

I’m overdue for a nap.

Two months ago, when I heard on the radio that she was returning to her homeland, I knew Benazir Bhutto would be killed. Not when, nothing specific, but that some day, she would become a martyr for democracy in her country of Pakistan. Sadly, that day came all too quickly. I always admired her – Harvard educated, beautiful – and saw her as a role model, in a world where Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are held up as icons for young women.

I don’t profess to have a vast understanding of the politics of Pakistan, or what makes a person so fervidly believe in their cause that they strap explosives to their body and kill as many people as possible while also ending their own life. I know Bhutto fervently believed in her cause, and what role she could play in bringing about change. In an odd way, two similarly driven people collided, on the opposite sides of a cause.

I wonder if there are just some of us humans who are prone to feeling passionate about a cause, an issue, and whether it is through conditioning, or something in our genetic makeup, that allows them to maintain such a steadfast hold on their belief, their cause, no matter the price. I’ve felt that surge inside of me, about numerous issues, but they don’t take hold of my daily existence. I think it would be close to manic. Much talk today has focused on how aware she was of the risks, how she knew it was likely she would be killed. And yet she pressed on. But whatever it was that drove her, Bhutto contributed to the world, even touching my small part of it. I am sad that her light is gone.

I spent a chunk of time yesterday watching the Westminster Kennel Dog Show – I don’t know why, it was on, I was waiting for James to get ready, and it amused me greatly. I love the Christopher Guest movie, and the more I watched it, the more I saw and heard the inspiration for the comedy. Those dog breeders are serious. And all of the female handlers wear sensible shoes, you know, for the running. I caught the tail end of the sporting breeds, and most of the hounds.

The staid, quiet, back-and-forth discussion between the emcees – priceless…. “The Basenji … is not the dog for everyone….”

But my favorite moment came when, during the hounds, specifically a black and tan coonhound being shown, Tripper decided to start watching tv and got ALL bent out of shape about there being a foreign dog in the living room. He was low “burfing” and standing at attention while James and I tried to contain our laughter so as not to distract him.

The other two dogs will react to noises – the Law & Order CI phones sound exactly like our doorbell – but Tripper is the first to actively watch tv. Reminds me of dogsitting Gracie, and teaching her about truth and justice.

By the way, that coonhound’s ears? 32″ tip to tip. I never did see such a pair o’ ears on a dog. Perhaps that’s what alarmed Tripper.