Riding the Bike with One Pedal.

Category: pillow talk

Oof! Ice!

James and I had a hilarious conversation the other night which will probably lose oodles in the transcribing.

He was going to bed and was very tired; I was standing next to our bed, and saying goodnight. He said something about did I see that Kathy Bates was going to be on a tv show in the latest EWeekly? I said, Yes, I did see that, what show was it?

At this point, he’s got his bipap mask on so he’s really drowsy and doesn’t want to have a big conversation. I start guessing various shows we watch.

“Big Love?”

shakes his head ‘no’.

“24?” (no) “Big Bang Theory?” (no) “Nurse Jackie?”

He makes the sign for “OK” with his thumb and finger. Now we’re playing charades. OK! OK? Nurse Jackie? (no)

O? O? Zero? He’s nodding. Zero. Then he makes the sign again. O? Zero – O. Huh.

He’s moving on.

Draws letters in the air with his finger. Except the letters are right-ways from HIS perspective.

P? NO! F? Yes!


Somehow we get some more letters. an I. C. E.

He’s lifting his face mask to tell me this is easy. I am laughing so hard I can barely speak.



Ice. Zero O O O O F


My sides hurt and tears are streaming down my face, as I lean against the bed in pain. I declare I cannot understand how we watch any show named Oof Ice.

Finally, exasperatedly, he tells me. The Office.

Oh, yeah. The Office! OofIce!

And then I made myself a small dish of Tin Roof Sundae Ice Cream and proceeded to collapse in laughter all over again. rrrrrrrrOofICECREAMSUNDAE!

We’re weird, but hey. Laughter is good!

Pillow Talk

him: “If you were a bear, what kind would you be?”

me, without hesitation: “Kodiak.”

him: “Holy shit!”

me: “What the fuck, you wanted me to say something cutesy like ‘panda bear’? After the week I’ve had, I’m ready to kill every camper in a 100-mile radius of me.”


me: “So. What kind would YOU be?”

him: “Polar bear.”

me: “Why, because it’s cold?”

him: “That and they’re kinda mellow, they hang out….. y’know.”

me: “They can be just as violent as a Kodiak bear. I mean, I could be a polar bear, too, but right now, I’m just really feeling the Kodiak.”

I’d say that’s a good way to sum up Unemployment, Week One. Kodiak Bear.

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