Month: December 2004 (Page 2 of 6)

So many things to be happy about, and to be thankful for.

Last night, it was wonderful to see my friend Shelley sooooo happy. Borderline giddy. She has been with her boyfriend for over a year now, and they’ve had the standard (and unique) highs & lows, the wonderings of whether it will last, the deciding that it WON’T last to steel yourself for the heartbreak that doesn’t quite come, and now that they’ve done some collective ironing, they’ve hit that wonderful, more-secure place and still have that NuLove giddiness about them. The metaphors that swirled through my head last night were akin to “fresh strawberries” or a very ripe peach, that first-bite burst that blows through your senses and taste buds and leaves you wanting more, more, MORE!

I told her once I envied her romantic love stage, where everything is new and exciting and bubbly. I don’t actually envy it, actually – it’s more like looking at old pictures that remind you of a really special trip and make you smile inside for a time you can only remember.

James came home yesterday and I was VERY ready for him to be home. From a practical standpoint (YOU put the dogs in the kennel and do the vacuuming!) to a deep inside ache of missing the man who loves me so completely, he loves me through the times when I can’t love myself. I was very weepy last night, because we hadn’t talked much in the past week, and so I had to talk about Becki dying, and about how I still struggle with my relationship (or lack thereof) with my mother & how this time of year seems to spotlight it and makes it harder to handle, and how much I MISSED HIM. And then we went to Shelley’s Fifth Annual Ornament Exchange, and had a good time until Clancy the Cat’s dander made James turn into a swollen-eyed, blinking allergy machine. So we came home and the bed was full again and both dogs were there and there was balance in the universe.

I like to think that the love we have now, the one that isn’t new and shiny all the time, and has familiar grooves cut into it, with the familiar jokes and the little pieces like knowing how I like my coffee and how he would like me to pick him up a treat at the bakery and all those small little nuances that you don’t even consciously have to THINK about are all there, and they make my heart burst with joy. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I am feeling a little awkward, posting about olestra & the catastrophic results it had on me. So here’s a quick knitting update to balance things – inside & out. :)

I have started the fronts for the Folly cardigan, and in the endless stockinette stage again. One thing I do for cardigan pieces, as well as sleeves, is to knit both at once, with two separate balls of yarn going. For the first time, yesterday, I actually switched halfway & turned around, resulting in two extra rows on one cardigan piece, and two rows behind on the other. THAT, my friends, is annoying cubed. But quick to fix, and now I’m sure to not set it down before both pieces have been done. I already want to make the Crystal Palace Merino Frappe Kimono that I have the yarn for, and I don’t know why I’m itching to get going on that project, because that is just big squares of endless stockinette! I may need an in-between, highly-gratifying project. I shall pick from Scribble Lace, or perhaps a pair of socks, or perhaps – BOTH!

So, on my day off, I did some shopping at the WM Supercenter, and decided to get a couple bags of chips. I’d tried the Light Doritos from the vending machine, and was impressed. So I grabbed a bag of those, and a bag of Ruffles Light. I have always loved Ruffles Light. Especially compared to Lays, the ridges are just …. better.

Yesterday afternoon, after returning from mammoth shopping, I consumed probably three servings-worth of the Doritos. Back in my Serious Eating days, I could do at least half a bag, if not more. But I was having tomato soup with cheese tortellini later, and I didn’t want to stuff myself.

I had THE WORST issues with The System that evening. I kept thinkin, “Huh! This is weird. I had pizza for breakfast (reheated, as I hate cold pizza, and when I am not working, I do NOT eat traditional food, ever, for breakfast.) Then I had chips, and soup, with some pasta. I wonder what I had yesterday?”

And didn’t think anything more about it. Until I went to put the bag of Ruffles Light away this morning, and I saw the promotional line about “no fat”. Wow! I thought. No fat? That’s pretty cool. So I opened the bag & tried three-four chips. Yes, it was 8 a.m., but I was impressed. They were crunchy, and tasted even a little greasy. HOW could this be? This no fat thing must be wrong, it must be the new “no TRANS fat” thing that will sweep through all package labeling in 2005. Nope. No trans fat, but no fat at all, either. I looked at the ingredients, and BINGO! Olestra. Well, no wonder my stomach was so upset yesterday! I know, don’t eat more than a serving’s worth. But still – I mistakenly thought Olestra was off the market, because of that whole “leakage” issue and they had put all of the graphic side effects in a warning on the products – not a very appetizing sell, by the way. In any event, the mystery was solved, and I will NOT be consuming the Light products with gusto – I don’t eat chips that often anymore, as it is, but I preferred the “light with fat” chips versus the “no fat light with olestra that turns your insides out” chips.

On a completely separate note, but certainly a more uplifting one, the “BIG” surprise at work was cold, hard cash. Not a ton, but not insignificant. Enough to feel cushy and have some fun shopping next week! So that’s nice. If only I didn’t want to desperately crawl under my desk and take a nap right now, I’d be more enthusiastic…..

Or, at least, this one SUV-drivin’, in-a-hurry Beyotch’s day.

In merely 30 seconds! Last time I checked, CostCo parking lots usually do not require, nor is it advisable, driving speeds in excess of 40 mph. Apparently my assumption is INSANE, because why would I ease out in front of said speeding SUV, that was turning a corner half a block away, to suddenly have said SUV almost in my back seat, honking at me?

I threw my hands up in the air because, unlike BeyotchLady in SUV, I did not feel like hitting the gas and barrelling forward in a CostCo parking lot, because I did not have Russian spies chasing me down, nor were bullets flying. Daggers from her eyes, yes, but I have a special deflector on the Honda that I installed. And she was SO PISSED, I could see in my 9-inch movie screen of a rear-view mirror, that she wanted to GET OUT of her SUV but I bet she was intimidated by the license plate frame, “I’d Rather Be Knitting”, and you never know with us knitters, what we’re packin’. I can stuff a ball of yarn down someone’s throat in 20 seconds, and that’s why I’m called “The Yarn Whisperer”. OH but it was her misfortune to have to CONTINUE traveling behind me, and it made me laugh, and laugh, and LAUGH because, SERIOUSLY? are we getting this upset over traveling only 30 mph and you did not want anyone in front of you, despite a full parking lot and it’s three days before Christmas? And then she went around me to the stop light where I could see the little 6-inch mirror reflection of her face as her lips got all pursed up and she was SCOWLING at me and shaking her head, which was a bit confusing because, when all was said and done, she still wouldn’t have made the light, and she didn’t lose any time, per se, due to the fat slow lady on her day off driving her Honda. I made my turn, she floored it through the intersection, and I thought, man, it sucks to have her for a mom/wife/roommate, because seriously, it is a cluster you-know-what out there right now in Shopatorium U.S.A., and there is NO REASON to get bent out of shape or pissed off because it’s like a current – the more you fight against it, the more you stand a chance to drown. And certainly, if I could tell her ONE THING it would be, Merry Christmas. If I could tell her a second thing, it would be, SPEED KILLS.

Winter. 1990? 1991?

Going downhill skiing for the third time (out of a total of four, ever), and sharing a lift with an attractive older man who obviously had his own, unrented gear, and goggles, and a very nice matching ski jacket & pants, and being what I deemed observant, and ever-gregarious, I said, “So! You ski much?”

He smiled & nodded.

We got off the lift, he schussed away, my friend was bent over laughing at me.

Me: “What?!”

Her, Gasping: “HE…..WAS……NATIONAL……SKI…..PATROL! AND YOU……SKI? ….MUCH?”

I guess he had a little patch on his jacket that indicated this.

Whatever. At least I was friendly, dammit. Still am, in fact.

I loved loved loved that song, “She’s A Maniac” by Hall & Oates….. and I rather enjoy days when I feel like a Manic Maniac. Having a strong suspicion that my own mother is manic depressive, among other things, I also feel a little frightened when my own enthusiasm & cheeriness & general disregard for social mores surfaces. Did you know if you do a google search for the word “mores” to make sure you don’t need an accent mark, that most of the results are for “s’mores”? I feel very pinball manic today, and we can review the evidence supporting this:

1. Rep #14 called about the revisions, in a panic, because he had been out ’til 10:30 last night in Orange County. I bellowed, “I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR PARTY LIFE, JOHN. YOU NEED TO JUST GET THIS DONE!” and laughed, and he laughed, but a little nervously.

2. Two assistants are by the fax machine, sorting through the gajillion responses to the revisions. I point at them and shout, “THIS DAY SUCKS! THIS DAY DOESN’T SUCK AS MUCH AS YESTERDAY, BUT IT SUCKS!” They laugh and say it sucks more for them today. Mania or bonding, you make the call.

3. I have looked in my drawer three times for the safety pins I only rediscovered on Friday. Insanity is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results? I have a very cluttered desk (shocker!) so I think I get a few do-overs before they haul me off to Two Rivers.

4. I DO NOT CARE (fill in the blank) (there are many choices). Not caring fills me with glee.

5. I am still grieving inside and ignoring it. The pendulum is swinging, and I want to stay on the not-sad half a few minutes longer.

6. I have tomorrow off, which makes me bark like a chihuahua.

7. I have told every rep the truth, which is that THIS SUCKS and that I am sorry.

8. Kristin told me some funny stories this morning, and I delighted in them ALL, some of which involve the insanity of other people. Does this make me a bad person? Or just grateful that I don’t care? I laugh! I scoff! I knit! I shout!

9. There was a time when I wanted to check in to Two Rivers, just to escape it all. Then I went to their website and it turns out, I was really more interested in a day spa that I could have covered by insurance. Not to make light of people who need the services they offer – I think there have been times in my life it would have helped me, I just wasn’t self-aware enough to recognize it.

10. I have run out of reasons why I’m crazy. I’m just recovering from yesterday, which ranks way up there as a “Jennifer And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” And that, my friends, is why it’s time to stop blogging & go get a sloppy joe & find out if I did know who my secret santa was all along!

WILD EEP! and to all a good night. (Mac users will understand me.)

Well, yesterday was overall a great day. It started with tears, both sad & joyous, as I read two separate articles in the paper – of course the “big story” across the country right now is the horrific murder of pregnant Bobbie Jo Stinnett, and because her killer (ok, alleged killer, but seriously, there’s not a lot of “reasonable doubt” going on here) will be arraigned here in Kansas City, it feels even bigger because it is omnipresent. The use of the internet – both in connecting these women, and tracking down the killer – makes me wonder how this tool that binds can also sever – it swings both ways, physics in the matrix.

The other story was about a little boy who was battling cancer, and how Santa & his Elves made an acorn magically turn into a 30-foot pin oak, strung with lights. It’s an awesome story and should inspire us all to look beyond our lists & plans & holiday stress.

You can read it here though you may have to register.

The rest of my day was great – blogging, getting to see Leta in my hat on Dooce.com and a little afternoon shopping with a friend.

This morning I had an email waiting for me, telling me that an old college friend was finally losing her battle with cancer. She developed breast cancer in 1994, only five years after graduation, and two years ago it spread to her brain, and while she initially fought it successfully, it has now has resurfaced viciously, in her diaphragm as well. She had gotten her Masters in Divinity after school, and I was always in awe of how she would counsel others in the hospital, while fighting her own battle inside. And I just this minute got an email from the friend who posted the news that Becki has died. Peacefully, at home, she just stopped breathing and let go.

When I got the first email, I cried bitterly in my office, behind a closed door. I chastised myself for not keeping in touch more, for being a pollyanna and believing that since she’d won the battle so many times before, she would live forever, or at least as long as the rest of us. I’m feeling sorry for myself because Becki, dear Becki, a woman I always viewed with admiration, and guilt, because I was well and she was sick, and in the deepest, most honest part of myself, some degree of terror, because she was going through all of this, and what strange cell formation might decide, inside me, to rebel and revolt and ultimately destroy me. The second email came somewhat as relief, to know her suffering is over, and that her passing was quick. I find it hard to focus on much of anything right now, especially work.

But I am going to focus on this: In 1998, shortly after I moved to Kansas City, the Women’s Final Four basketball championship was taking place here. Becki, Joanna, and Sheila all came in and stayed with me, and we went to the big final game together. Becki had lost all of her hair from another round of chemo, and wanted me to paint her head. So I did. I put the entire logo for the games on her head. If I say so myself, it was an awesome replication. She got on ESPN, and the camera guy thought she was a total freak, and had shaved her head just for the game. Becki actually started to chicken out when we were getting close to the camera crew. I said, “Becki, we are getting you on tv. It’s too late to back out now.” and I went over and grabbed the camera guy & told him to check out my friend. After she realized it was going to happen, the butterflies flew away & she chirped, “I’ve got cancer!”

God love ya, Becki. You will live on in the hearts of so many people, most of whom will remember your peaceful nature, your sense of humor, your beautiful spirit. And I’ll also remember your beautiful, bald, painted head and the smile when you saw it in the mirror.

I didn’t get a chance to take a picture before I sent it….. Heather Armstrong has an awesome blog, www.dooce.com – introduced to me by my friend Kristin and I’ve been reading it every day since. Plus the archives. She showed me the wisdom in NOT posting a bunch of stuff about work on one’s blog, and I chose to learn & implement that lesson an easier way than I usually do: trial by fire & it’s usually the seat of my pants that are burnin’.

In any event, I sent her a hat I knitted for her daughter Leta, who has the most fabulous cheeks & great big eyes. Today, she posted a picture on her site of Leta in that hat, possibly miliseconds before she tore it off. I’m honored, and I hope you’ll read her blog. She’s part of my BlogAddiction routine each day – & should be part of yours!

It’s Picture Day here at Blogger!

I am putting up some pictures of recently completed projects, as well as a couple others….. and some obligatory doggie pix.

The Holiday Stocking for James is the one I made for him 4? years ago. It was one of those Bucilla felt kits, and with the hunting & fishing theme, I thought it would be perfect. I started it in October. I worked on it at lunch almost daily, and it took me until Mid-December to finish it. I HATE FELT PROJECTS. Naively, I thought the pieces came cut out. OH NO. You use teeny-tiny scissors & cut them out yourself! Note the little yellow circles behind the embroidered candle flame. The dangling stuffed trout. THE PINECONES. I look through a Mary Maxim catalog now & when I see felt projects, honestly, I shudder & recoil inside. Never, never again.

The Holiday Shardigan was worn to our company holiday gala on Friday night. It’s fringey & sparkly, and exactly what I wanted. I adjusted the pattern to upsize it, as well as incorporate more yarns.

The aprons – Xmas pressies for our nieces, ages 8 & 6. Their GrammaLinda (my mother-in-law) loves to cook & they love to help her. I saw something similar for sale – around $10 an apron? I bought these half-off at Hobby Lobby ($2.99 for two!), used tracing paper & some white floss & stitched the phrase on……it took less than an hour, because I watched last Sunday’s Desperate Housewives while I was stitching and finished them both before the show was over.

Mother-in-Law Scarf – a simple feather & fan pattern, begun with a self-fringing section. Knit both pieces at the same time so you have a symmetrical scarf & graft the stitches at the halfway point. Stitches have since been grafted, BRAVISSIMO, one holiday gift done!

And, some pictures of Miss Polly. Since James is off on his hunting junket, it’s just us here & we’re having a lot of fun. Last night, I sang the silly Horatio Sanz song, “Wish it was Christmas Today” while jitterbugging around the kitchen in my pj’s & slippers. Polly participated by jumping up & down and looking at me, thinking, “You’re cah-ray-zay, Lady, but I love you!” Dat’s what it’s allllll about!

Oh, and one last pic, from the big snow the day before Thanksgiving. In honor of being my very own, special Snow Queen, self-appointed.

The Stocking From HELL