Month: November 2006 (Page 1 of 3)

Well, the Wo didn’t have to work today – every school is closed here – and now the local weatherfolk are jumping around and slapping their knees because right behind this big rain/ice/frigid temp front is a large snowstorm, and while the general consensus is that we’ll get 4-6″, the fact that just south of here is in line to get 12-18″, well, these broadcasters can barely keep their clothes on.

Sadly, there was no “non-essential workers should stay home” decree. Maybe it’ll come tomorrow. The one time in my life where I rejoice in being non-essential. So many sirens singing, “Stay home! Stay home!”…. we have a freshly roasted turkey in the house. And bad weather makes me want to bake bread. And the Da Vinci Code arrived from Netflix yesterday, delivered by an essential worker, of course. And all the knitting….. sigh. Guess I better go get my shower & begin my “estimate double the time” commute…..

My dear friend Ashley had her baby yesterday – li’l Mather – and I have been anxiously awaiting his picture to appear on the hospital website. Since it seemed, yesterday, that they were a couple days behind on the birth-to-web-debut ratio, I instead amused myself by looking at other babies, and how if you clicked “next picture” really fast, you got something of a flip-book cartoon. One li’l munchkin did some gigantic arm movements in his photos, which cracked me up, probably due in part to the fact that his name was “Thurston” and he was wearing a hippie tie-dyed onesie.

So this morning, apparently they got up the pictures of another baby born on the same day, and I have not been able to stop hitting “refresh” all day, to get my first glimpse of Mather and yes, I will also click “next picture” fast to make him boogie on-screen. The frustration and OCD behavior has been compounded by the fact our internet is back to its old tricks (must be because it’s RAINING. I can’t explain it in any other satisfying way.) So pages intermittently load, don’t load, freeze, produce error messages, and then work just fine, and for instance, just now? Stopped showing my typing. So I just lost two sentences. Hm. Yes, internet, you are one cruel bitch here at the office.

In other news, the local weathercasters are wetting their pants with this big front rolling through. I swear, half the accidents that happen are probably caused by the fear & near-hysteria created by the talking heads, screeching about Death! Doom! Snow! Ice! Arctic Temps! It’s like we never met Winter before, ever, and we have been told it’s The Devil in disguise. I must say, I don’t necessarily miss the winters of Minneapolis? But the Drama! over the weather getting cold seems to be a few notches up on the great ratchet of excitement in the local weathercasters’ world.

However. All of that aside, everyone, including me, has the right to get completely in a lather over Ice. I hate ice. And we sure seem to have a greater propensity for it in this town. Ice IS the Devil. But for now, I’m just going to keep clicking and waiting for Mather to show up. (It’s my own personal Waiting for Godot.)

I have spent my morning in not one, but TWO Battle Royales. The first with the cable company, who can sink to the bottom of the ocean with a two-ton anchor weight around their neck for all I care, I’ll be on the Lido deck with a bloody mary & some canapes. The second battle was with our friends at the pharmacy who have dicked me around on a prescription for a week & a half, and I’ve driven out there not once, NOT twice, but FEE TINES a Mady, and while Bu-wheat Sings, I am ready to fiddle while their fucking store burns to the ground. (just kidding!) I have 100% faith in the nurse at my doctor’s office, but am a little concerned that they couldn’t find my chart. Perhaps I no longer exist. My ability to publish this blog will prove that theory wrong. So I got to work and told Kristin that apparently, it’s my job today to rotate the fucking earth so we get a daytime, nighttime, and general progression of time.

On an upnote, I did have a serious chuckle at the idea of buying James’ 17-year old cousin a “junior accordian” from Target. Because nothing says teenage angst like wailing away on the accordian….. I may take it up myself if this day doesn’t improve!

oompa….oompa……

So, we went to the Chiefs game on Thanksgiving night, and it was CAH-RAY-ZHAY. Throngs upong throngs of insane drunken Chiefs fans, and the sporadic Denver fan every so often. We wisely took the bus, which meant not only an assertive drive into the stadium area, but also that we wouldn’t be stuck parking out in lot “N”, which I told JWo stood for “Nowhere Fuckin’ NEAR the Stadium”…..

Chiefs entering Arrowhead:

We didn’t know our seats would be next to one of the biggest superfans you could ever ask to know: Bill. To say Bill is an enthusiastic Chiefs fan is like saying, “Yeah, butter’s….. ok on fresh warm bread from the oven….” Bill is a screaming, bellowing dynamo of a fan. Which we quickly learned. Bill believes in high-fives. After every. Single. Play. that can be interepreted as good for KC. Every Play. The rotund white people that we are, clueless and gosh, golly, just darned excited to be here, it took us a few rounds of oh, yeah, um, HEY! Slap! to pick up on the fact this high-fiving had no end. I insisted we get a picture. He was hilarious, and nice as pie. And did I mention, enthusiastic?

The halftime show – yes, we had a SHOW! – was John Fogarty, and he played a medley. It was kind of funny to watch all the activity of getting everything set up on the field, like our own little mini-Super Bowl. Complete with pyrotechnics!

And, in case you didn’t know, I’m not especially tall. So I had to laugh when I saw the title JWo gave this pic: JenIsShort. (But, I’m also enthusiastic!!!! Not quite as much as Bill, but still. I had a hand-knit, hand-felted hat! More on that pattern to come…..) Of course, because it was so unseasonably warm, I could only wear the hat in spurts. But I spent way more time on my tiptoes, cheering, than sitting…. and we won! HIGH FIVES!

Well, we’ve got a super-busy, fun-filled day ahead of us – noontime feast at our dear friend Roger’s, with his family & other friends, and then we’re off to the Chiefs game at Arrowhead, where we are fervently hoping we stomp the Broncos! The game is airing on the NFL Network, and our local Fox affiliate; if you see me in my new hand-knit felted Chiefs-colors top hat, let me know! (I’m rather proud of my new hat.) I will get a picture up of me in my new hat soon.

I’m not going to get all goopy & traditional, and list off everything I’m thankful for, because I feel that list pretty much every day. I’m sad every day, but for the first time last night, I dreamt of my dad and it wasn’t sad. I miss him, and I always will. I look at these new permanent feelings and I know that in years, they will be worn a bit more smooth, they will slide around and together in my pocket, they will not prick with a savage dagger so sharply. I simultaneously appreciate and hate my wisdom rocks.

So yes, I said I wasn’t going to make a list, but I am thankful for JWo, and the laughter and the love we share. We had his mom over for dinner last night & taught her how to make her own sushi rolls – we did real crab meat & gourd, and smoked salmon & cream cheese – and stuffed ourselves. (You know, sort of like training, for today.) There were a few slices left, and we gave the dogs a treat….. we broke all the house rules for the sake of priceless photos…..

Polly’s pretty delicate in how she takes food from you, so watching her eat from chopsticks was hilarious. She was a little nervous, because she’s never sat in a chair before.

“Um, hey. Hey? Hey, guys, I’m down here…..”

(Don’t worry, Suzy got her sushi, too….)

May all YOUR dreams come true & enjoy the day.

Today was a debacle beyond my control. The construction upstairs moved to the next step, which was installing carpet. Remember how I mentioned these dudes were more knowledgeable in the realm of vinyl? Well, they apparently didn’t believe in the strong religion of “Ventilation”, and when we got to work this morning, the entire office smelled as though a thousand of Santa’s Little Helpers had been furiously building airplane models all night. Eye-scorching, lung-searing glue fumes. Fortunately, my boss & I had a meeting off-site, and that was followed by a lunch. The rest of our team vamoosed out of there, met back up for lunch, and then we went back to the office, which was better, but the longer you sat there, the more your eyes burned & your chest tightened. I’m starting to think my personal stupor was directly related.

I went to Lowe’s tonight, and picked up everything on my list – including metal epoxy, and stain. So of course, because I’m being kinda crazy and hyper and project-focused, I had to do my small Junior Shop Projects, and I think the net result is that my brain is tired of being subjected to chemicals entering my bloodstream through my nasal passages. All I keep visualizing is the image of Spike Lee in “Crooklyn”, where he gave himself a small part as a glue-sniffer. If it’s not better tomorrow, I’ll be detoxing in Hazelden for the Holidays……

……there is some renovation/construction shit going on upstairs – recall the glue fumes from last week? Well, those people got yelled at to stop with the chemical potions, so they started pouring buckets of water on the carpet to pull it up, and that resulted in ah, yes, water coming through our ceilings. (The funny quote from that: “Well, we are used to vinyl, mostly. We’ve never really done this carpet thing before.” Rilly? You don’t say.) Today, they are scrubbing and sanding and scraping and chiseling at the uncarpeted floors, and it sounds like we are inside a giant, erratic washing machine. Add to that unpleasant environment the fact that I drank part of an Airborne fizzy before it had completely unfizzed itself into liquid and it got stuck in my throat and I thought I was going to be the next urban legend, right next to Mikey and his Pop Rocks. In total, I am ready to GO HOME. I have my headphones on and it means I can’t concentrate very well, because I have to have the music so loud to drown out the whump-whump-scrape-scrape-scrape from above. Don’t even get me started on the construction outside – it feels like a video game, where the reward for navigating it all is that you get to stay alive.

I have to end this because I have to follow up on something that is three jobs removed from my actual scope of responsibility. I’m sure they will see me coming, what with the black cloud over my head. I gnash my teeth! Hear the clicking and grinding! Except you can’t! Because of all the noise!

Miss Julie tagged me for this meme…..of course it’s going to be a challenge to narrow down the list to just FIVE things, but hey, I’m willing to try.

The Guidelines: List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Tag 5 friends and list them. Then, those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Don’t forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!

1. I enjoy eating bouillon cubes. Straight up. I gnaw at them like a tiny salt lick. Before you freak out, I don’t eat them every day. And, they have to be fresh/super dry. This is one of those weirdo-beardo things you did as a kid, and every so often have to revel in.

2. Here’s something weird-ish about Polly: she spazzes out if she has water on her head. Not like if she’s been swimming, but out in the rain or something. Once she’s back inside, she gets on her pillow and rubs her head all over the place, eventually drying off her whole back that way. It’s hilarious to watch.

3. If something gets broken, or no longer works, or has something wrong with it, I have to either fix it immediately (see: Murano, rear wiper!), order a replacement, or throw it away and try to purge it from my memory. It honestly feels like the balance of the universe is off to simply do nothing. It flips me out just thinking about making that choice.

4. I looooove ketchup on my scrambled eggs. My dad taught me to eat ’em that way. Mm. I may have just answered the breakfast question right there.

5. When I’m outside, I see most of nature & landscapes as potential compositions. This is a result of the umpteen hours spent as a studio art major, picking the spot where you wanted to sketch. Maybe why now I like snapping pictures – it’s much faster for me. It’s hard to explain it, because obviously not everything is sketch-worthy, but when I am at that point and I see it, where a group of tree trunks create interesting negative space, or the lines of the earth meet the sky, I feel the “click” inside, that says, “this is where you should take a picture, or draw this.” I miss the leisurely days where I could spend 4 hours painting on a sheet of Plexiglas to make one monoprint, you wouldn’t even know what you were ending up with until that wonderful hold-your-breath moment, when the paper pulled away from the plate.

Ok, tag, you’re it! Kristin, Kyra, Bekah, Shanny, and Laura, who most recently posted about weird dreams, so I know she can do this meme. ;) Y’all feel free to steal it & tag away!

Happy weekend!

So, I was thinking about all those Circles of Hell, and what mine would consist of. Obviously the first one would have bad drivers and terrible customer service. The next one would be filled with all the stupid bosses, managers, and random idiots I’ve encountered along the way. The third one in would be filled with scratchy Red Heart yarn, and if there were any good yarns, they’d all be hopelessly tangled.

And this week, I am pretty sure that one of those next circles involves newspapers, and ad-buying, and sales reps. This one’s going to take a little bit to explain, if you’re not in the ad-agency game, so get yourself a hot cup of coffee & enjoy the tour.

Let me first state for the record that I do not hate newspapers. We subscribe to the Star, and even if we only read the funnies some days, we recycle. But my experience with newspaper sales is a long one. I worked for the college newspaper, both in ad sales and ad layout, and then my first job at an ad agency involved working on two major national accounts with local retail locations, and we had to compile local media options for all of them. I’ve literally called hundreds and hundreds of newspapers over the years, and early on, I asserted that if I ever had a frontal lobotomy, I’d still be able to get a job at one of those papers. I’m not talking about calling major papers. Even minor papers. I’m talking about those tiny little, teensy-weensy local newspapers, where the advertising person also writes a few articles, and drives out a paper if your delivery was missed. And not all of those people are terrible, or stupid, or have had frontal lobotomies, but I just recall looming deadlines of my own, a form I needed to fill out, and the agonizing conversations to determine whether the ad rate I was being given was net or gross.

The other thing about small-town newspapers is that sometimes you stumble into a “group”. Where one company publishes twelve small papers. Sometimes these are the ones flung onto your driveway, the ones you don’t want. But sometimes you still have to buy them. And trying to figure out how much these things cost can be tantamount to solving the most challenging logic problem I was ever given in college. Because they have combination rates, and frequency discounts, and then separate color charges, and everything’s printed on a tiny brochure and nothing is clearly stated. And that’s what I’ve spent part of my week wrestling with. I’ve sent the sales rep countless emails, to clarify if I’m calculating this correctly. Jesus, I’m boring myself now. Suffice it to say, it’s been a week of yelling at my monitor, groaning, and being very, very frustrated, and feeling quite convinced that I’m temporarily visiting one of my rings of hell.

UPDATED: Oh, mah, God. I got to work, and within the hour, this rep emailed me for my address, phone, fax, etc. All of this information is in my signature, that has accompanied the SEVEN+ emails I’ve sent him in the past two days. Seriously. If I ever meet him, I expect a concave forehead. HAH he just emailed back and said “I guess I’m just brain-dead.”

I’d drink more coffee as a coping mechanism, but our stupid coffee machine is broken. They “fixed” it yesterday. This machine is taking on the same qualities as the fax machine in “Office Space”. I want to take it to a field and beat it with a baseball bat. Apparently when you lose your job at the newspaper, you move on to Coffee Machine Repair.

So, what would one of your Circles of Hell look like?

I’m having a rotten day! Except for lunch. Lunch was delightful, except for the crying, but that passed quickly. Kristin & I went to the New York Deli, and the men behind the counter treated us like princesses. Sometimes I think it’s in part because I’m wearing my Liza Minelli CruiseWear tunic top and it shows a lot of cleavage. All of that aside, I had the best corned beef ever, and a macaroon. So that was nice. But it’s been a devil of a day, and I’ve got a candle burning, just to sortof offset the noxious toxic fumes that are seeping down into our offices from the remodeling going on upstairs, it’s mostly the heady smell of glue that has us all slightly nauseous and headachey. And our roof is leaking, so I think somebody made a boo-boo.

In my dazed state, I keep correcting myself as I reach for my water, because my candle’s sitting on my coaster, and I can just see myself trying to drink hot wax and figuring it out a split-second too late. (Yeah, just like the Murano-backing-up episode.)

I suppose if I had gin in my mouth, I’d set myself on fire, though. At least I’d get to go home, where it doesn’t smell like glue and there aren’t buckets on the floor. I swear. Liza Minelli never had to work under these conditions.