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      Month: February 2007 (Page 1 of 2)

      Back in the Saddle

      February 28, 2007 /

      There truly is nothing like starting your day with your annual well-woman exam. I had mine today, bright & early, and everything went fine. I just always hear the song “Back in the Saddle” when I get into those stirrups….

      I felt like I was reaching middle-age, because I took my little notebook in and had a whole list of things to run through/check off. It was a good thing I had my list, because the office was in a STATE OF CHAOS. Apparently the lab phlebotomist’s last day was yesterday, and the lab was supposed to send over a NEW phlebotomist (and I love to use the word phlebotomist, just so ya know) but they weren’t there yet? And so the doctors’ nurses had to do the blood draws, but the one doctor (the one who was snooty and mean to me once, and who has signs all over advertising that she can give you Botox, that woman, the one I’ll never go to unless I have a four-foot spear piercing my torso & coming out the other side, she is JUST that much of a bitch), yeah, that doctor’s nurse? She doesn’t DRAW blood. (I am so not surprised.) So my doctor’s nurse was doing all the blood draws, and my doctor came out to get me & did all the nurse-type stuff like measure me, take my temp, etc.

      So that was good, because we actually got more time to run through my list and whatnot, and get me my prescriptions and thingermabobbers before I went off to get my blood drawn, and there was a phlebotomist on the scene! But this phlebotomist was not going to be the regular phlebotomist, she will be training the new phlebotomist, and I was disappointed because this girl? Could draw blood like nobody’s business. I praised her. I didn’t even require she use a baby needle, which is my usual m.o. ever since the crack-addict phlebotomist went crazy on my arm several years ago and I almost passed out when I took a gander at what she was doing. Nobody should see medical instruments jabbering around UNDER YOUR SKIN. I’m just saying. In case you, junior phlebotomist-wannabe, are studying up on your skeelz and want a free tip from Blogland. It’s just not a good idea.

      (I know for a fact my husband is curled into the fetal position from having read this blog. Sorry, honey. JWo not so much on the needles. I’m brave. And proud, like dog show.)

      And the rest of the day has FLOWN. But I don’t recommend starting out in the stirrups every day. (Unless that’s your thing…hey….. we’re non-judgemental here.)

      Like a Fine Stilton…..Crumbling at the Edges….

      February 27, 2007 /

      My brain is feeling a little fried right now. Actually, crumbly. I can’t quite keep straight what day it is, and I could have fallen asleep during the last rep meeting I had. I’m going back to the doctor tomorrow for all the fun annual stuff (and I say “fun” in the same way I’d describe having your shoulder dislocated as “fun”.) But I’m also going back because even though I’m better? I’m not better, and I’m still coughing at night. So so tired of that. All these teenagers, with their three weeks of hiccuping or two weeks of sneezing, let’s talk about SIX weeks of the most irritating cough, and no, I don’t smoke. But who gets the press coverage? Who’s got a unique, wacky situation? The blasted teens.

      So I’m really excited about the presentation I’m about to go into – because Kristin somehow thinks I might lose my mind and try to fight someone. I think there are better (and more likely) candidates for that job around these parts, including one person who just informed me that the smell of patchouli makes her “crazy”. Makes her “wanna fight”. I said it was like her own special catnip. (The aforementioned rep was wearing some scent that smelled like a combination of Lysol and Patchouli. Lychouli?) And Kristin? Let’s talk about how both times we’ve gone to Half Price Books at lunch, she’s had her Special Friend parked in the crafts section, talkety-talk-talk-talkin’ and what are the odds of that? I don’t have a Special Friend at the Half Price Books. And, I don’t think I’m going to get into a fight today, mainly because I like to stay employed, but also because I seem to have been shot by a tiny blowdart filled with tranquilizers and psychedelic mushrooms, and I get to spend the afternoon swimming through the corn syrup of my mind. Or cheese. Whatever metaphor I’m going with at the moment.

      OH but I will say, if I ruled the world, we would know who Dannielynn’s daddy was, there’d be no more of this court bullcrap, Anna Nicole would be buried by now, and we would all just ignore Britney, including the paparazzi, until her hair is once again shoulder-length. Naturally. My apologies to my friend Cindy who has given up celebrity gossip for Lent. Must lie down. Now. THAT’S gonna look 100% classy when they roll through on the tour…….

      Clearly A Fraud

      February 26, 2007 /

      So, last Thursday I had my one-month follow-up eye exam to the Lasik Experience, and because my appointment was at 9:45, I found myself with a little time before I had to be at the doctor’s office. Since the carwash line was OOC (at 9:15! What do all these people do? There was a police officer directing traffic! 9:15! On a Thursday!), I decided to go to the grocery store. I needed to get a few ingredients to pump up the guacamole I was taking to Kristin’s, and then something random for the agency potluck lunch on Friday. It was a fast trip, and I headed for the checkout….to discover that they’ve replaced several lanes with Self-Checkout and I admit it, I hate those things. Especially if I have more than five items. There’s too much hecticness & rushing involved, plus, I’d rather have some interaction with a human being, because there’s so much more opportunity to get the Blog Fodder….. And I’ve been going to this Price Chopper for several years, and they seem to retain a lot of their workers – I spotted the nicest bagger in the universe (Clarence) and headed for his lane. I found myself behind a woman who was wearing her matchy-matchy track suit, a lot of makeup, and she was going for the Casual Housewife from Leawood look. (Leawood being a nice affluent community just over the hill.) Except instead of an iPod, she had one of those big radio stereo earphones on. All of this wasn’t notable, except I had plenty of time to notice her once it came time for the cashier to ring up her coupons! Because every other one went “BAAAAAARRRRRRNNNNNNNNTTTT” and was rejected by the computer. And she kept pretending to be Just Now Noticing! and was very dismissive, kept saying, “Can’t you just give it to me?” “They usually just give it to me.” He asked her if she’d bought two of the item on the coupon. “Two? No. I bought just one. Can’t you just give it to me anyway?” Same thing with another. Did you buy five? “Well….. I’m sure I bought at least four. Can’t you just give me the coupon? They always give it to me.” This continued, involving a manager (twice) and I watched, somewhat agog, that this poser was committing COUPON FRAUD! Right in front of everyone! She even tried to catch my eye, as if to enlist support against the Ridiculousness! she was enduring. Oh mah god. I told the cashier he handled it well, for what it was worth. Since I had NO coupons, my transaction went quite quickly, and I was able to see what car she was driving – I expected a Suzuki Samarai, for some reason – nope, a PT Cruiser. I decided instead of “Lovely in Leawood”, she was more “Roughshod in Raytown”.

      But, the really good news of the day? I have 20/20 vision, both near & far. (Who else immediately thinks of Grover when you hear “Near and Far” together?) And I even read some of the 20/15 letters. It’s like magic. Really, really expensive magic. Even with a coupon.

      On Grief

      February 23, 2007 /

      I excerpted this from an email I wrote a friend who recently lost a parent. I realize it’s somewhat overwhelming to read – but so is grief, in the early stages. I’m still finding and defining my own path, and even when I’m further from the center, and the path has been longer, it will always be the path that’s under my feet. It never leaves us.

      …..The thing is, I know it takes time. Everyone who’s gone through it says it, consistently, so my logic says, ok, they might be right. But it doesn’t help the current moment, when it feels like someone’s ripped all the skin off your chest to scrabble at your heart, and when your brain feels like it’s been put through the blender and then being whipped into a froth with all the things that rush through our minds. Mine just clicked right back on to “puree” with the latest stuff. But I’m at least getting better at controlling that, being firm with myself and telling myself to STOP. (You’re not at that point. Keep weeping.) I’m just so sorry. All those horrid emotions and they just always feel like vomit to me, but I can’t ever be RID of them.

      I feel sometimes like this is a goddamn bitch of a journey, where you get picked up by the hand of “God” who sort of clenches you in a big giant crushing fist, and drops you into the middle of the darkest forest. And even though you’re injured and bleeding and crippled, you have to find the path, and then try to travel on the path, and there are people who show up from time to time, and help you, but YOU have to walk it, even if both your ankles are broken and you’re blinded from having your face squeezed so hard. It does help knowing there are other people on this path, and sometimes you resent them because they didn’t have (to deal with) who inherited everything, or because they had years and years to prepare for this journey, and yet, even if it’s not as bad, or big, or just obvious, everyone here’s injured. Everyone’s struggling in their own way, and the path is not level, it is not safe, it is not anything you’d expect from such a WELL-TRAVELED path! I feel, in my gigantic mental metaphor, that I am not that far from the center of the forest, and I hear you, and I am so sad that you, too, got picked up and dropped in here, and part of me is grateful for the company, and then sometimes part of me looks at (a friend who went through something similar), because she appears once in a while, and reminds me that I can get beyond the spot I’m standing on today. Even if my leg’s broken. Yet again, another thing that heals broken bones is time, too. I don’t know if any of this helps, but it’s the first time I’ve ever articulated my deep-in-the-forest vision, and I hope it makes some semblance of sense. And even with my gimp-ass state, I can help you, and listen, to do whatever I can. In my mind’s eye, we never get out of the forest? But it’s supposed to get more dappled. More sunshine and open clearings.

      (edited for clarity/anonymity of referenced people.) And thanks to all of you who keep helping me on this path. My biggest internal struggle is just wanting to run away from it, to get OFF it, and that leads nowhere good. Everyone’s journey is different. I’m trying to head towards where I think the sunshine is….

      Glove Love, Baby

      February 22, 2007 /

      So, last week, I was sick sick sick still, waiting for my horse-pill sized antibiotics to start scrubbing the badness out of my lungs, and I even stayed home from Knit Night, in hopes of speeding my recovery along. While I was home on Thursday night, I started a pair of gloves – something I’d always thought about making but hadn’t gotten around to actually doing! I’ve made fingerless gloves, which were fine and all, but not really GLOVES. And boy, they’re fun. Just like with sock knitting, I knit the wrist & palms at the same time (on two circs), and then went to individual knitting when it was time to do the fingers & thumbs. I finished them on Saturday! Here’s a photo:

      Koigu gloves

      I knit them out of Koigu Kersti, a merino crepe wool, absolutely lurvely, purchased at the Studio a while back, and just perfect for gloves. I didn’t use all of the yarn from each skein, and was glad I still had some leftover when I decided one thumb was too short & I ripped it out and re-knit it. I adapted the pattern found on Knitty – which left two fingers open for smokin’ a cigar, and of course, I wanted full-finger-coverage, so I basically just kept on going and followed the directions for the fingers that were knit in full, not the knuckle-only-bind-off part. (This may read quite confusing-ly. Sorry.) I knit the gloves on size 2 circs, and used 1.5 DPNs for the fingers. (Cause I’m a loose knitter.) They were great for the snow & cold wind – aaaaand now it’s 60-degrees. But I have fabulous, custom-fit gloves that, when I put the first one on, I marveled and said without thinking, “Why look at that! They fit like ….. a glove.” (Groan!)

      goddamn autoflushers.

      February 20, 2007 /

      I believe in siestas. I’ve never lived or worked anywhere that allowed for them (well, college, I suppose, but that was a completely different state of affairs, mostly inebriated). Today, I felt myself drooping and sagging after lunch (and feeling a bit carsick on top of that, go figure, since I’m driving a DESK.) So I retreated to the only place nobody will burst in on you: the restroom. I always try to frequent the handicapped stall, because you can rest your elbow on one of the metal bars, and slouch your face into your hand and sort of get all stupor while you sit there & hope nobody else comes in and you have to busy yourself up like you’re actually, well, doin’ some bidness.

      But, alas, it’s not just the squeak of the door and the click of a co-worker’s shoes on the tile to wrench you out of that glorified state. We have the autoflushers on our toilets. Which I’ve talked about before, and unfortunately, they seem to be on HIGH ALERT for potential non-flusher users. I was in the restroom for under 6 minutes, doing NOTHING, and the toilet auto-flushed no less than 10 times. Whether it’s the light reflecting off my shirt, or the settings, or what, I don’t know what it is that makes it so flush-happy. But it really interferes with trying to catch a moment of peace, let me tell you right now.

      So, I’m drinking more Diet Coke to get myself peppy & caffeinnated…..and, as we all know, the more we drink? The more we have to pee. Sigh. Me & the autoflusher. Friend? Enemy? Both?

      If You Look Really Closely Behind My Right Ear, You’ll See The Hole

      February 18, 2007 /

      If you watch Grey’s Anatomy, you know how grisly it is to have a drill applied to your head to relieve the pressure. I’m not sure when exactly it happened, but at some point along the way, I had a similar hole drilled into my brain, and things have been falling out.

      I give you this: I was looking for some solid sock yarn to do the Bayrische socks (our knitsters here are doing a knit-along), and I ran across a complete. pair. of socks. For JWo! I don’t remember knitting them, I don’t know why I didn’t give them to him as soon as they flew off the needles, but there they were – a whole pair of socks, waiting to be worn. I felt a little crazy, but I gave them to him (Look! Magic socks! Right out of thin air!) and of course, it’s great timing for wool socks, what with the weather heading for 60 this week. Hm. So maybe I should start scooping up some of that brain matter & stuffing it back in, plug up the hole with some random roving, and get ready for Spring. Otherwise I’m going to have a bird’s nest on my head & shopping for groceries in a golf cart.

      Hope springs eternal, and I’m ready for hope. And not discovering any more pairs of socks.

      Cough Syrup + Hydrocodone = Whoa.

      February 15, 2007 /

      So, after one full week of the meds my doctor gave me, absolutely nothing had changed. I called, and they responded quickly, phoning in what now appears to be a turbo-strength antibiotic and the heavy-duty cough syrup product (complete with its own syringe for dosing!) I was optimistic, but woke again at midnight, coughing. So I took another dose of the cough syrup. And today I feel like an elephant fighting off the fourteen tranquilizer darts that have pierced my hide. I was listening to Allison Krauss on my iTunes and that wasn’t helping, so I’ve switched over to some pop/dance and we’ll see if I can make it through the day. Holy Toledo. I think my body and brain are all “Hey, YO we just got 7 hours of sleep and we need MORE. NOW.” Speaking & forming sentences feels like a ginormous challenge.

      My apologies for not having more to write about, but I’m in a total stupor. I’ve warned those around me I might need to lie down on the floor. And? I have a haircut at lunch today? Given how the hair dryer always makes me super sleepy on my good days, it’s going to be a real struggle to not pass out. Hopefully I’ll make it through the day without drooling on myself.

      Snow!

      February 14, 2007 /

      OK, I’m going to post more substantive things soon – didn’t realize I’d been not-posting for uh, two days. That fact alone points out to me that I’ve been preoccupied, distracted, on top of being sick for….mmm…..exactly four weeks. It’s an erratic sort of sick, with coughing that usually surfaces at night – when I’m trying to sleep. So I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in 28 days, except that one night last weekend where I did make it all the way to 5 a.m. I’ll count it as good only because I’m raw & desperate. Now I think I’m getting a cold on top of all of this, so there’s nothin’ but good times ahead here. Because it’s going to be FREEZING here for a few more days, and I’m having flashbacks to my Minnesota years! We did get about 5″ of snow & I took a few pictures yesterday morning. Here are my three favorites, the rest are over on Flickr.

      SnowMobile:
      Snow-mobile 2

      Backyard:
      Birdbath

      This one jumped out at me after I uploaded it – I love the spot of red from the fire hydrant across the street!
      Spot of Red

      More soon, peeps. And happy brand-new-baby birthday to Bekah! She’s being induced today!

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