Riding the Bike with One Pedal.

Month: February 2009

NYC Quickie….

In NYC, very uneventful (though long) travel day. We had dinner at Patsy’s, which wasn’t the restaurant my boss thought we were going to, but, oddly enough, he’d also been there before. The food & service was very good; the umpteen-mirrored staircase is enough to give a gal vertigo, especially after a Bombay Sapphire on the rocks!

Then, because one of our travelers had never been to NYC before, we decided to make the trek to Times Square – which would have been fine, had this traveler pulled her coat out of her suitcase, or at least had a random Clapotis to drape around her head/neck. It may have been 70′ in KC today, but it was Dayum Brisque tonight in midtown Manhattan! I have a sore throat to boot, so I finally peeled off from our crew and parked myself in a Starbucks, so they could still go see the blinking lights, and enjoyed an apple chai while catching up on the ‘net with my mo-bile.

I’d forgotten a book at home, but fortunately, had a book stashed at work that I hadn’t read yet: In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote. Certainly a classic, and two winters ago, I was riveted by the movie version with Phillip Seymour Hoffman (of course, most everything he does is riveting to me.) Anyway, I am utterly enthralled. This book is written so well, to even try to describe it feels like I’m automatically doing it a disservice.  You know, as I’m in one of the biggest cities in the world, and everything’s moving at this accelerated pace – people are walking along, texting, plugged in, a constant barrage of instant information, incoming and outgoing, I just am struck by how FAST it all goes. How fast we expect everything to happen, to communicate. And that is not this book. In the first 20 pages or so, I caught myself wanting to skim, to gather the main nuggets of data, give me the Tweets here, Tru. But I forced myself not to, and slowly that desire to push through faster gave way to sinking deeply into the text. Reading the minutae of descriptors, how the post office in town was drafty through the roof, the boxes didn’t shut, and so on he goes, page after page, painting this utterly detailed, gorgeous account of a terrible, horrible murder of a family and the men who did it.

I’m as guilty of it as anyone, hurtling headlong into the tunnel, running the race, thinking a mile a minute, chasing the next project and to-do list action item, plurking and twittering more than I write paragraphs. But the excrutiatingly beautiful detail falls away, and while you don’t always need it to understand what is happening, you realize how much it adds to the experience when you re-encounter it. It’s an inspiring read, and I want to read the rest of his work, because I sense I have utterly missed out on something fantastic and engaging.

Now it’s time to head to bed – tomorrow will be filled with exciting, energetic meetings, and another long journey home. Which is kind of nice, because it means more time with my book. (though now my knitting is suffering!)

See you in a day or so!

Bustle, bustle!

Yep, it’s bizzy ’round here. Big client meeting yesterday. Off to NYC tomorrow, back home on Thursday, then keep dog-paddling because there’s a big meeting/presentation next week to boot. woo-hoo! In the midst of all that, got to keep getting the ‘regular’ work done, and then handle the curve balls on top of it all. Because boy howdy, there was a curve ball, and I seriously wanted to remove heads from bodies with a croquet mallet. Yes, I was channeling my inner Red Queen, and all I can say is, good thing I read the emails at  home so I had time to explode and then calm the hell down by the time I could actually address it. GAH! Life is hard enough, when things are going well, it’s in everyone’s interests to make! things! work!

OMG Tripper is going to start marketing his weapons-grade gas to the government. That’ll help pay the dog food bills ’round here. He is seriously, seriously toxic with his farts. I keep a bottle of Febreze ‘Air Effects’ right by my chair, and it’s almost comical – he gets royally offended when I counter-attack with one puff of “Linens-n-Sky”. Sometimes he even gets up and moves. It’s the only weapon I have, and I have to use it!

Speaking of crazy dog stories – last Saturday night I met up with some of the LSG folks on Ravelry, which was great fun – and when James got home from his banquet duties (MWA banquet in Oregon, MO), I headed for bed & left him to take care of the dogs for the night. Good thing. Polly apparently dashed in the door, and he only caught a glimpse out of the corner of his eye, and knew she had something in her mouth. Uh, yeah. “Something” turned out to be an enormous full-grown rabbit that was in dire straits. At least I have a husband who can calmly handle these things, humanely. I’d just shriek and run into doors.  Just a regular Mutual of Omaha around here, I tell ya…..

Speaking of wild kingdoms, the seed-planting is well underway, as the gardener of the house starts getting excited for planting and gardens and spring. Since he’d gotten me a Christmas present when we’d agreed not to exchange gifts, I decided Valentine’s Day would be my turn to surprise-treat. I took the rest of the money I’d left in my PayPal account from my Loopy Ewe DPN holders, and with just a smidge extra, I bought him a set of Texas Tomato Cages. After all, tomatoes are the “Love Apple”….and he grows them so extraordinarily well, with all kinds of fantastic varieties, knowing how much I love love love fresh tomatoes. Apparently these things are THE support system for growing tomatoes, so we’re just going to start investing in them and add to the pile as we go.

Let’s see… working furiously on some more knits, including a couple of fun projects for classes I’ll be teaching, and really, just trying to not let too much slip through the cracks.  It feels kind of crazy that tomorrow is already Ash Wednesday, that next week is -yikes- March! and pretty soon we’ll see Spring really settling in, bursting through the ground and in the trees, welcoming us to a new season and another chapter. Despite being agitated about dunderheads, and feeling like I’m burning the candle at both ends, I’m really excited about what’s on the horizon this year – both with work and my life outside of work. (For instance? The Wo and I are going to take a vacation! YES! Where? Dunno! But it’s going to happen, and that’s all there is to it. The pool will be there for later in the summer, yes, but staycation be damned!)  And yes, eventually I’ll be able to throw all the nice facts up about the zombie, proving once and for all, the dead truly can live comfortably in California.

Knit, Knit, Knit….

I finished the Studio Sock Club socks a while, back – Sivia Harding’s “Journey” socks, out of Claudia Handpaints Sportweight in Woodland – these are so warm and cozy, I just love ’em, and the cables are snazzy to boot!

Journey Socks - Claudia Handpaint (sport)

journeycloseup

I also am participating in The Loopy Ewe’s Spring Fling monthly KAL’s – which have been great motivators to finish things, but this month I’m a bit panicked. I finished last month’s project just under the wire, and without fringing or blocking. I made the Crest of the Wave scarf, and then added the Fringe from Hell. It’s gorgeous, but it kills me. KILLS! So much braiding. And then beading. But I love it! This was knit out of Numma Numma Toasty, Black Cherry Jam.

Crest of the Wave Scarf - Numma Numma sock yarn

LOOKIT THIS FRINGE. Now look away, before you feel compelled to do it yourself.

Fringe. Fabulous, yet a PITA.

Now I’m working on the Boing! scarf pattern by Anne Hanson (sorry, I’m uber-lazy, it’s Friday, I haven’t linked a single thing today). This is knit with Tofutsies, and even on 1’s, it’s still rather open. I’m such a loose knitter.

Boing! Lace Scarf - Tofutsies sock yarn

Now, since our KAL ends next Saturday, and I have a lot of work stuff going on (and travel – which is usually a plus for knitting, but still), I realized I’m probably not going to complete this in time, so I’ve pulled out some Aran Rustic Wool, and started whipping out a very pretty Poinsettia neckwarmer, since I still need to make a gift for a friend, and I’ve already done the first set of neck repeats in one evening. That’ll get done, and hopefully, Boing will be right behind it!

In other randomness, and utterly unrelated, we have continued to have our homeless man problem at the office (staying overnight in the stairwell), and yesterday morning’s stench was almost enough to topple a Marine. I mentioned it to our office manager, who in turn, called the building manager. I noticed when I left that liberal amounts of pine-sol had been used. (which actually didn’t change the situation !) And when I say liberal, I mean, perhaps-an-entire-bottle. So then I wondered, would that actually entice said homeless to sleep there? Would it be like snoozing in a Carolina pine forest? There’s your ponder for the weekend.

My Brain Is on Simmer….

I’m grateful I took the opportunity last Friday and this Monday to organize and clean up my desk, because the past couple of days have brought a LOT of new things to think about, to work on, to accomplish and do.

I was talking to a former sales guy who said he’d had a great career in sales, he’d been successful and was extremely good at his job. He also said the past 15 years had been the same year, over and over again, until he hit 15 and decided he just couldn’t live that same year again. That really hit me, because sometimes you do feel that way, like, wow, is this it? Have I reached capacity (fill in the blank – in this job, in this industry, at this place, with these people – whatever)? But really, with the luxury of hindsight, I can see that the past 4 years have not been the same – personal life aside! Which for someone like me, with my inquisitive, creative & easily-bored personality, that’s a good thing. Some people love their work routine, and I’m more the homebody who loves her home routine. At work, pelt away. Chaos and puzzles and problem solving await around the corner? I can’t get there fast enough. Sure, I may bitch about it and even get snappy from the stress, but that kind of percolation is so invigorating.

Right now, I’ve got a couple huge project pots on the stove, and my brain is mulling and simmering as I contemplate what they can and will become, along with what I need to learn and do for that to happen. (Yes! Learn! Without learning, it all just becomes atrophy.) The excitement and fear are also there – when you haven’t done something 10,000 times, there’s a lot more room to trip and fall. But the exhilaration to be had is 10,000 times greater, too.  I apologized to my husband last night for being such a zombie – I just needed to zone out between some Facebook Mafia Wars and the movie (couldn’t even knit!), and let my brain absorb everything at its own pace.

Dogs? They don’t worry about these things, unless it means something might fall off the stove and then, man, they’re ALL. OVER. IT. I had fixed James’ lunch the other morning, and the peanut butter jar was empty (as far as we’re concerned – the spatula had gotten what it was gonna git.) I thought I’d see what the dogs thought of an empty p.b. jar:

Polly. Delicately Enjoying PB

This would be Polly. Polly does almost everything delicately, despite her high-strung-ness. She will quiver with energy at the mere notion you’ll pet her, but she is always full of grace and swiftness.

Mmmm, Delightful, Ma'am, Thank you ever so much.

Now. We can’t really say the same thing about Tripper.

ZOMG POLAR BEARS THIS IS *(&&%^ING AWESOME!!!

He’s got such a long nose, and he has no problem crossing his eyes if the object he’s focusing on is right at the end of said schnozzle.

I CAN'T SEE IT BUT I CAN TASTE IT

GREATEST! MORNING! EVER!

He was making me laugh so hard, I think it worked out in his favor.

SRSLY, I DON'T CARE IF I'M CROSS-EYED FOREVER.
Now, don’t worry. Suzy got her turn as well. She actually exhibited the most brains in her approach – she took the jar right out of my hands – while I kept laughing – and went in to curl up on her pillow with it. (I took it away from her, because this is the same dog who ate a clean Rubbermaid container!)

Dog’s life, indeed. I’ll be back tomorrow with knitting updates, promise!

Primordial Ooze…

Wowza. Spend one week flat-out sick, spend the next week flailing and catching up. And discovering that I am still not as jaded as I’d like to believe. What’s up with that? I want to take everything life gives me like Kathleen Turner would, with almond eyes half-shut, gazing unflinching at the bullshit and nodding to myself, “Yep. Saw that coming.” Then I’d toss back a shot of whiskey and laugh.

My husband  is an amazing judge of character. He has met people and told me later to watch out, or that he got a bad vibe from them, or that he doesn’t trust them. Inevitably, he’s right.  I just realized how self-serving this could sound –  since he decided to marry me, that would mean he’s STUPENDOUS at character assessment, eh? ;) But I envy his unfiltered eye. I find I tend to give people some benefit of the doubt, or I see their association with other people I like and trust and transfer that to them, or I just go off the face value of things, and I don’t make instant determinations or decisions about people.  And sometimes that can really bite you in the ass, because not only is the bad behavior unexpected, but the trust you invested up to that point has been betrayed.

Not going to bother elaborating, it’s not bloggable anyway, I just know that I can’t trust everyone, and I have to temper my expectations of people. I would prefer to not become cynical in the process! I had lunch yesterday with an old friend of mine, and I was telling her about some of the crazy things that have been going on, and there’s one situation where five of the six people involved are all confused and spending time worrying about it, and me? I’m the freaking poster child for the Tao of Pooh. I shrug. I narrow my eyes. I smile, and toss back a shot of scotch. And laugh. Because I can’t control it or influence it or even predict it, and therefore, I should spend my time minding my knitting, instead!

It is SO FREEING. To just stop caring about  every single thing. Including the potential things. (Believe you me, I haven’t mastered this, but I’m going to trumpet when I do to remind myself it’s possible!) I have spent a better part of my life in the role of Piglet (if you have read the Tao of Pooh this will make sense… Pooh is the model of Buddhism), racing and worrying and fleeing and running with the balloon and being so frantic he eventually pops the balloon.  And I sure as hell don’t want to be Eeyore, god love him, but that dude’s a goddamned downer.

Long ago, I toyed with the idea of volunteering at a hospital that was near my apartment. I met with the volunteer co-ordinator, a man, probably 20 years my senior. I’ve never forgotten one observation he made, because it was so wildly inconsistent with my view of myself. He said could see me in the emergency department, because he felt there was a calmness about me, that would be reassuring to families coming in under crisis. I still don’t know if I fully believe him, or if he was just looking for someone to fit a need. But I liked it. My thing is that if I have room to panic, I do. I ruminate, I dwell, I worry. But if someone else is doing it, I tend not to. I fear we’ll all lose our way if someone isn’t minding reality.

So, discovering someone’s true colors, and the resulting anger and sense of betrayal, well, it’s normal. But today I feel confident and centered. Ten years ago I would have been frothing at the mouth for weeks.  Don’t get me wrong. I love to be agitated, I love sensory input and drama and zombies and things to move at a brisk clip. But I also enjoy – now more than ever – the ability to not be drowned by that wave.

In some ways, I think, the peace and perspective are results of my father’s death, and the ebbing away of some of my grief. I will cry, be immobilized by my sadness, for moments as short as a minute. Yesterday, for example, I was listening to a story on Morning Edition about Darwin, and how he and his wife were so different philosophically, yet when their daughter Anne died, it brought them even closer together. The author of the biography believes that much of his grief influenced his writings. I’m going to quote the part that really resonated – it’s the author’s viewpoint of Darwin, and it was so beautifully put:

Darwin is stating what “we now call the existential dilemma,” says Gopnik in his biography. He is saying there are two things that are true:  One is that everything dies, and things die for no reason and to no apparent end. And their death is painful. And, that process of living and dying produces something amazing and beautiful and astonishing.

The process. Amazing and beautiful and astonishing.  I love when things so profoundly move me, like a sharp twisting of muscle, when they resonate in my core like the vibration from a bass cello.  My own evolution from inexperience and naivete.

25 Random Things…

Yep…everyone’s doing it. I was going to wait until 25 people tagged me, but then just gave it a go. If you want to do this (here or on Facebook), have at it!

1. I hold a grudge like nobody’s business.

2. I can be extremely decisive, especially when those around me are wobbling.

3. I have a very fast wit. Sometimes it is too sharp. I bite my tongue a lot. The older I get, the more I’ve learned to just smile to myself.

4. I am an only child, and do not enjoy this “sharing” thing. I am generous,though – instead of sharing one, I’ll happily buy two so you can have your own.

5. I love crime shows, probably because I love puzzles so much. And a fascination with crime helps, too.

6. I learned to read when I was 3, and I skipped first grade. I was 16 when I graduated from high school; in retrospect, I wish my parents had sent me off to be an exchange student so I could have buckled down a bit more in college.

7. My father never let me win when we played checkers, authors, cards, any game, at any age. Any victories I had were hard-fought and mine alone.

8. I am extremely competitive. I did not even recognize this trait until I asked my husband if he thought I was, and his response was to burst out laughing, thinking I was perhaps joking or being sarcastic.

9. I was in a horrific car accident on I-80 when I was 17. We were hit three times by a semi going 65 mph – once on the driver’s side, once head-on, and a third time on the passenger side, which flipped us into the median. I was the worst hurt, with a bloody nose & banged-up knee. None of us were wearing seat belts. I can still see the faces of the husband and wife who, through sheer force of will and adrenalin, pried open the car door that was half-sunk in the dirt to get us out. At that moment, my faith in humanity was created.

10. If you ask me to keep a secret, I will. (But if you don’t tell me to? I’ll probably tell someone!)

11. Watching my father die was one of the most profound, life-changing moments I have ever experienced.

12. Marrying my husband on a windy day in Jamaica is my favorite life-changing moment.

13. Two movies that can always make me cry: American Beauty and The Pursuit of Happyness. And usually the song “Fix You”, by Coldplay.

14. Condescension is one of the fastest ways to piss me off.

15. I’m loud. I’ve been dinged by bosses for laughing loudly, as that might convey we weren’t “working hard enough”. I’ve had a lot of bad bosses.

16. I was the foreperson of a civil jury in St. Louis. I took my jury duties extremely seriously. I also became acutely aware that I should never do anything wrong, because a jury of one’s peers does not often contain people I consider my peers. Consider yourself warned.

17. If I were to commit a bank robbery, I would want to drive the getaway car.

18. I take ambulances and fire trucks and all other vehicles with lights and sirens extremely seriously. I usually get a lump in my throat, because I know that somewhere, someone is having a life-changing moment, and there but for the grace go I. And I also get really irate at drivers who don’t pull over.

19. If I were driving a getaway car and encountered an ambulance with sirens on and lights flashing, I’d probably pull over. Or try to find a side street really fast.

20. I’m going to write a book. Even if it only sits on my computer, I’m going to do it.

21. I love to entertain people with stories. I feel my life has given me some very unique ones.

22. My first car was a Ford Escort, until it burst into flames. That was a good story. But not at the time.

23. I’ve also had some problems with bats. I’m very pro-bat, until they are IN my inside living space, and then I dress up with a hat and use a scoop shovel as a shield. I’m very jumpy about mice as well, though I have dispatched one with a 1×1, because something takes over inside and I revert to a very primal essence: It’s him or me.

24. I knit almost every day. If I don’t, something’s usually very wrong. When 9-11 happened, I could only wind yarn. By hand.

25. I think everyone has the potential to do something fantastic and important, even if it only impacts a very small circle. I wonder what mine will be.

The Plague, THE PLAGUE!

Even as I type that, I can see and hear little Hervé Villechaize, standing on the sand, waving his little arms wildly.

Oh, the Plague. Long has it stayed. I think (and we say this reservedly, so as not to jinx it, with fingers crossed, and eyes a-squint) that it is finally leaving me for good, and that The Mend is beginning, because let me tell you what, this has been a Most Unpleasant Week.

I am always comforted to hear that it’s going around, though. Less-comforted when I hear of people recovering in a day or so, not that I wish them ill (or more ill, in this case), but just from that selfish place, that says, “Why aren’t I better?” in a very Veruca Salt sort of manner. Complete with a foot stomp.

In any event, I went in to work on Tuesday afternoon, and that was rather challenging, but somehow,  I still believe through sheer force of will, I can make reality change. Perhaps I should start trying to bend spoons with my mind and then take on the universe after that’s checked off. In any event, I then went in to work yesterday morning, and by 11:30, was having a very rich visual of sleeping in my car over the lunch hour. My only debate point was back seat or front seat? (Back seat might have more room…windows are tinted….front seat has lumbar support and reclines…) After another thirty minutes or so, I realized how ludicrous that was, and perhaps if I could not sustain myself through the day without sleeping in my car, perhaps I shouldn’t be in the office? (This plague has also rendered me a bit stupid, btw, although I think I just proved that point.) So I spent a couple more hours doing something that probably would’ve taken me 20 on a normal day, and then I came home & slept like a rock.

Today, I’m at home. And about to go off and sleep like a rock again. Through all of this, I have wished instead of a virus, I had a parasite. I mean, a parasite can be treated right-quick-like, AND you know there’d have to be a great story to boot. Instead, I just got the crud that everyone else has, and I have it a bit worse than most, and I can’t cure it with my mind.

But if I do get a parasite? Seriously? You KNOW you will all hear about it.

Sick….

Sorry peeps. I would write about what’s going on right now, but seriously, nobody wants or needs to read it. I came down with some from of stomach virus late Saturday night & it’s been good times ever since. I’ll be back soon, and I want to tell y’all about the fun knitting retreat at The Elms, as well as the progress my p.i. friend is making on the zombie case!

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