OK, I should say that for the most part, I’ve had good luck with Secret Santa. But Secret Cupid? Man, the first year they did that at work, my “big present” ended up being a 3″ resin bear holding a honey pot and faux resin honey dripped all over him.

I ask you. What about me makes anyone think such a gift might be appropriate? Yes, I have a lot of tchatchkes. But they are COOL. Like the rubber duckies, or the alien creature from “Toy Story” with three eyes, or Curious George, with handpuppets. Or miniature fashion purses. Or the MooDoo VooDoo doll. Nowhere, anywhere, are drecky crappy dollar store figurines. Or anything out of resin. I digress. But its illustrative usefulness is not lost, I’m sure.

So despite that big searing scar on my secret gift-giving psyche, I still signed up to do a secret pal exchange on one of my knitting lists. Because (lean back in your chair, my ego might hit you through the computer), I am an awesome secret pal. I excel at giving gifts and picking out things for people, and if I could be a highly-paid professional shopper, that’s what I’d do. Again, I digress. After the month of January went by, I wrote our SP organizer, because I had yet to get a gift. She followed up with the person who had my name. Ooops! They have decided they just can’t participate. Well, that chaps my hide, thanks for not volunteering this information until we’re a month IN to the exchange and then only after you’ve been contacted with a query as to your non-participation. So now a new person has my name, for February. Hey, look at the calendar! It’s March 1! And I haven’t gotten anything, AGAIN!

Now, I will interrupt my ego/pity party to note two things. My dear friend Kristin mentioned my situation to a very awesome person who has her own on-line yarn shop, and that individual gave me some store credit, JUST TO PAY IT FORWARD and because she, too, had been burned by the whole Secret Pal thing. The only reason I’m not trumpeting her name/info is because I don’t want her to get more sob stories or anyone looking for a handout (not that YOU would ever do such a thing, but I’m just sayin’, it’s the internet and there are a few crazies out there.) And my friend in St. Louis gave me two skeins of ribbon yarn from her stash as a secret pal present because she, too, is getting the short end of the stick in this exchange. I don’t normally do very well with people feeling sorry for me, but I really appreciated it, because I was feeling really rejected by the whole process.

I resume this story with some observations, because I’m all about the introspection and understanding why we react to things the way we do. And I will do so with a confession. This whole thing made me cry! My feelings got really, really hurt because I took it very personally, that someone who has access to my blog & the opportunity to get to know me through it, decided to not fufill their obligation to the gift exchange, and if there’s an opportunity for me to take something personally, I usually snatch it. (Dur. Something I need to work on, obviously.) But it also hits that whole “this isn’t fair” button, because I’ve spent about $20/month so far on gifts & shipping, and I’m not playing Secret Charity Pal, for someone who has lost everything or is dying here. I’m playing Secret PAL, where the concept of “what comes around, goes around” is in play, and somebody out there is gettin’ and not givin’. And that fries my crackers.

The Karma Bus is comin’. And it’s runnin’ on fried cracker fuel.

I’m trying to assess how many Cool Points I’ll lose if I go and buy the new Jennifer Lopez album. It hasn’t been reviewed at my usual sources (Rolling Stone, Entertainment Weekly), which makes me wonder if it’s one big serving of ear taffy. Of course, that single “Get Right”? Biggest F’n earworm of the year, I spent a weekend hearing that hook go through my brain, just from memory.

I remain undecided. However, this is the week to do it since it’s on sale. And lordy, I do so love a sale. ;)

Bekah asked what a happy Thai dance actually was, and unfortunately, everything I wanted to say to describe such a dance ended up sounding like Ashlee Simpson doing a hoedown. Not happy. I would imagine, though, you’d have to combine the Bangles’ “Walk Like An Egyptian” with some very delicate footwork and bending knees. Think “King and I”. And to really perfect the dance, you’d need one of those Jell-O mold hats, preferably in gold.

I’m having a rep lunch at Thai Place today, so that’s always nice to eat for free. Though, as the t-shirts at a favorite lunch spot in Minneapolis always declared, “There is no free lunch.” Which I didn’t understand when I was there – dude! A sales rep is taking me to lunch, I’m relatively poor, this is a good thing! Free food! Then, the older I got and the more value I placed on my time, the more I understood why the lunch really wasn’t “free”. Combine it with some of the experiences I have had with reps and really, I should be charging an hourly fee in addition to my meal being paid for. I hate those lunches. I really don’t go on them anymore, because the sensation of wanting to chew my arm off to escape the Lunch Trap isn’t very appetizing.

But that is not the case today. My rep is an old friend, we hoot with laughter, and I think she looks at me with a little bit of amazement sometimes, that I’m so blunt and honest and not at all put off by her. Sort of like looking in a mirror.

I may try out the Thai Happy Dance and see what she thinks. Too bad I left my Jell-O mold hat at home today.

Obviously, reason #1 is that I do not have any training as an accountant.
But I can pretty much guarantee if I were one of those Oscar ballot counters?
I’d be all,
(in saucy, yet conspiratorial, tones)

“WELL. You didn’t hear it from me. BUT. Let’s just say it’ll be more like ‘Happy Harry’, not Dirty Harry, next week.” Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

“And let’s hope that boxer girl remembers to thank her husband this time around.”

Last night, I installed Windows 2000, upgrading my computer. Ya. Upgraded the OS, and eeeeverything else went into hiding! So yay! I get to geek out and re-organize my computer. It needed re-organization, but goood gollly miss molly. I have to hide & seek out every single document and image and file I had before I upgraded. It’s the equivalence of a tornado coming through, and while it didn’t destroy everything? It put everything into your neighbor’s yard, and now you gotta go get it and put it away. And re-install every lovin’ program I had on here before the upgrade. First item of bidness is to figure out why everything is in like, Gigantor Font for the Blind.
The terrier is on task. (I will come back in my next life as a rat terrier of some sort. I will get squeaky toys and shake them until their squeakers are gone. I will shake with excitement if I think an intruder is approaching. I will not rest until all my duties are done. Is it any wonder how much I enjoy Kyra’s dogs? Grin!)

I love Saturdays! I love bacon! :) James is kindly cooking me some bacon and the smell of it is making me giddy. High on life, high on bacon. Who needs that black tar heroin, folks?

It’s always fun to do pictures. I’m posting a picture of the in-progress socks for James, who requested “Black and yellow socks, please.” I said, “You realize you will have bumblebee socks?” “Yes, that’s fine.” I’m using Regia self-striping, and these are definitely socks with character. I always do both socks at the same time, and am partial to two circs. Both skeins seemed to start at the same point, but as you can see, not quiiiiiiite. One had a little more black at the beginning of the skein, and so when I finished the heel & joined the instep, one sock has even a little more character than the other! A little jaunty strip of yellow marching across the instep. I sorta like it, but I did offer to -shudder- duplicate stitch it if he didn’t like it. Actually, that was before bacon or coffee, that offer. So it would actually make more sense to just take a Sharpie to it. But it doesn’t matter, we’re leaving them as they are. Yay! Socks!

Then, we have a few pictures of my friend Kyra’s dogs. They are SO FUNNY! I just love ’em. The first time I saw them, they were all perched on the couch, at various levels, staring intently at someone who was eating. They are intense little dogs, and they make me laugh laugh laugh. Thursday night, I gave Sammy a modified hairdo – I swirled his hair on top of his head into a bit of a mohawk. He was lookin’ fierce. Kyra’s got stories for each of her dogs, as Tommy makes belts in Guatemala and sells them on the beach, Barkley’s a math professor, and Sammy’s exact story escapes me, but he wears tough guy clothing, I recall that much.

Inspired, I told James last night that Polly wants to take guitar lessons, but Suzy only wants to learn bass. We got at least 30 minutes of laughter out of that with more to come, I’m sure.

Enjoy your Saturday. Get some fresh air. Eat some bacon. Love the good people in your life and forget about everything else.

Dance of the Bumblebee socks for James 

OH MY GOD do you have something for us to eat? Do you have any rats that need catchin’? We are ready to move out and on to task in an instant.  

What’s happening. What’s going on. We are Jack Russell Terriers and we demand to know everything, right now. Sammy (left), Tommy (top), Barkley (rounding out the bottom) 

Tommy & Sammy, chillin’, but ready to move at a moment’s notice.