OK, I’ve spent about 45 minutes being unbelievably pissy. I wasn’t this way when I came to work, or even before I left for lunch. My doctor’s office was open (I went to pick up my prescriptions) but the entire staff was in a meeting with nobody manning the front desk. They responded to my toodling “Helloooooo?” by coming out and asking me to sit and wait until 1:00. It was 12:15. Hi, um, how do you say? NO?! I said I was just there to pick up the prescriptions, and you’d have thought I asked her to come over and clean out my toilets. With her tongue. So needless to say, I’m considering a switch, because my phone interaction yesterday was about the same. I’ve been going there for 9+ years, but when you’re treated like riffraff rolling in off the street, maybe it’s time for a change!

So I was just a grumpery girl and there was this horrible child at Hobby Lobby who kept picking something off a shelf behind me in line & dropping it on the floor. Her mother was doing a darn-good job of keeping her in line (wipes sarcasm off lips):

“Honey, put that back.”
:FWAP: (object lands on floor)
“Honey, put that back.”
:FWAP: (object on floor again)
“I mean it. Put that back.”
:FWAP: (you’re getting the hang of this now, right?)
“Honey, put that back before you break something.”

JESUS. I’m telling you, I was spanked maybe all of two times in my entire childhood. But I would have stopped after the first FWAP with just one directive from either of my parents. They always conveyed a level of “We’re not fucking around here, knock it OFF.” And I don’t think this warranted a spanking or lifting the child up off the floor by their arm, but I am really starting to miss the Fire & Brimstone style of parenting, where just one look would quell even the most rambunctious escapades. (My friend Beth has the hairy eyeball nailed with her daughter. It always makes me want to laugh but I don’t because we cannot EVER make light of the hairy eyeball.)

Let’s see, so then, I’m all hot and overheated & my window alone wasn’t cooling me off, and I decided because it was such a glorious (BRIGHT! My eyes!) day, I’d open the sunroof. About 60 seconds later, one of those sticky pointy gumtree seed pods came sailing into the car, caught some serious air, bounced around and hit me in two places so I thought I had a bat or lizard or something equally unwelcome in the car. Talk about freaking out. Jesus. I thought I was going to end up in the bed of the truck in front of me while I performed Immediate Panicked Maneuvers In The Car (the long-lost bandmates of OMD) and finally realized, in fact, there was nothing with a pulse fwapping around the interior of my car, just a mild-mannered seed pod.

So on a more positive note, here’s some knitting updates.
I finished the Trekking #126 socks:

I finished the Lady Detective Hat from Knit 2 Together:

(It’s on a wine bottle, thus the odd shape at the top)

I started the (highly imaginatively named) “Scarf”, from Victorian Lace Today – knitting it out of Cherry Tree Hill sock yarn in “African Grey”.

It’s an incredibly simple pattern, which is good, since my eyeballs couldn’t handle anything with much more complexity.

Oo! I just pulled my sweater up over my head and hid in my Inner Circle for 15 seconds and it made things seem much better. Ostriches might be on to something…..

I’m not blowing up or falling apart, it’s just…. I dunno. I’m all irritable and sharp edges and bristly rough surfaces. I usually have a bout of insomnia this time of year, a restlessness that simmers below my skin, but I haven’t had any problems sleeping per se. Maybe it’s coming out in other ways. I’m fed up with bullshit, I’m adapting to my “new” eyeballs, work is picking back up, and I wonder sometimes when one area of our life becomes stable if we start walking back out towards the edges, trying to find the place where the tipping point begins anew. At least I realize what I’m doing, and I’m not picking fights with my husband as a form of release! I’ve just got hassle-y things to deal with and I’m extremely impatient. We got new insurance, and it took forever to get our ID cards, we have to go get new prescriptions for EVERYthing to move it over between mail-order systems, the provider’s website is cumbersome, and yet they don’t want to do paper-anything, they want you to do everything on-line. Hi. I have a suggestion for you: make your website WORK before you go paperless, dipshits. See? Just slicing through the clutter, I am.
I get a little haphazard when I’m in this place, making choices and decisions with a little more “recklessness” – not like driving on two wheels or careening down the Ward Parkway median or nothin’, more along the lines of being less precise, weighing all my options and possible outcomes less, going with my gut more than my mind.

Oddly enough, it feels ok.

Today would have been my dad’s 63rd birthday. Oddly enough, I have dreaded & feared this day, that it would find me crying & upset, and so far, I have just been subdued & mostly normal – as normal as I ever really get. Given that I thought Christmas would be no problem and his birthday very difficult, I’m starting to see that my own ideas of what will affect me aren’t really great predictors. Maybe I got some of it out last Saturday, thanks in part to Grey’s Anatomy (“Welcome to the Dead Dads Club. You’re not in it until you’re in it.” So so true.) I think grief sometimes is about as clever & predictable as “Deal or No Deal”. In that it’s not really that clever at all, it just has the illusion you’re in control. You get a number, it opens, and it’s either good or bad. We have “lucky” numbers and ideas about what we can or can’t control, and in the end, it just is what it is. A mix of good, bad, and in-between. Last week I cried my way to work because I had a flash of when my father was teaching me to drive, and I saw him, scrunched up against the door, grabbing the handle overhead, shouting “BIKE LANE” as I drove our extended, windowless van on the highway for the first time. (I put us in the bike lane a LOT out of fear and not knowing where I was in the road.) God love him. He taught me so much and that’s my greatest sadness, that he isn’t here to keep teaching me & I have to find my own way.

On an upnote, and one that gives me a reason to smile, my dear dear friend Kristin also celebrates her birthday today. We are going out to lunch and we will blink blink blink with our new Lasiked eyes, and we will laugh and remember why each and every birthday is worth celebrating.

…because the computer room is freezing. We’re supposed to start getting snow, and dare I say, I’m simply looking forward to the TRACTION it will provide on top of the super-slick ice that seems to surround our entire house.

Yesterday’s Lasik went very, very well. Really quite a blur, all puns and interpretations intended. There were a few moments of discomfort – never any pain – and really the most unpleasant part of the actual procedure was the removal of the “sticky drapes” – surgical tape thingies that hold your eyelashes up out of your eye, and like a bandaid being removed from an ouchie spot, imagine that line of skin under your eyelashes releasing that tape. Yeah. I didn’t hesitate to point it out to the entire team in the room that the sticky drapes were NOT my friends.

The rest of the day improved gradually – big shout-out of thanks to the burning fucking orb you people commonly call “the sun” for being out and blazing – so I went home & sat with the (non-sticky) drapes drawn, fidgeting & watching tv, and then out to dinner (a blog post in of itself)(my friend Roger drove, in case you were worried). The best moment was actually as I got into bed, and I looked over at the clock? And it was perfectly clear. No squinting, nothing, no usual red blur of numbers that my brain had spent the past 17+ years working to decipher by the general amount of red and approximation of the LED lines. It was perfectly crystal clear: 11:36. So awesome. Then I wore my Buck Rogers Eyewear (these goggle things they give you) and those lasted half the night. I’m supposed to wear them so I don’t gouge at my eyes in my sleep, perhaps those mitts they put on babies would work better. We had our follow-up this morning, both Kristin & I are healing marvelously. Her eyes are still more dilated because she got 1,100 drops yesterday and I only had to have 600. (Slight exaggeration, yet still proportionately accurate.)

I keep wanting to adjust my glasses on my face, or I feel a strange sense of panic that my glasses AREN’T on my face and yet I’m seeing just fine. My vision’s not even fully corrected yet (as the cornea heals & my eyes finally de-dilate), and yet I’m seeing things even better than with my glasses. The best analogy I could think of today is that it’s like I used to watch TV on an old big-picture tube with pretty good cable connection, and suddenly I’m switched to a high-def channel on a plasma tv. No signs of unicorns (yet), but we did see a Quintiles building that had never been there before (or had it?) on our way to Jo-Ann’s after the eye appointment this morning. And yesterday, we danced in the cold care aisle at CVS because we were fairly blind, and if we can’t see them, they can’t see us!

I’m glad I had my buddy to go through it at the same time, and uber-thanks to Kyra for being our driver & giving up most of her day to make sure we got home safely! I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

So Friday morning, which is like, not very far away right now, and once I jack with the posting time it will be even closer, is the Big Moment, and truth be told the process is really more like 2.5 hours, but it’s Big Lasik Friday. I’m hoping someone throws beads, every time I open my eyes. Well, maybe not. All that flinching can’t be good.

Way earlier this week, and independent of one another, Kristin & I decided our eyes were getting worse, progressively & rapidly. Kristin said, “I think my eyes are worse this week.” To which I enthusiastically screamed (because most everything at work involves screaming), “MINE TOO!” And then we discussed how our eyeglasses were constantly filthy, the blurring, the halos, the inability to see colors or the DVR guide (most essential). You know, just making the folks who drive on Ward Parkway feel blessed that they made it home commuting among us.

So as we were discussing how we were coping with the rapid onset of blindness, I said, “Have you thought about what we’ll be able to see? You know, once we have Lasik?” To which Kristin replied, “Like what, like UNICORNS?” And I said, “Well, yeah, ok, those too, but what I meant was more like detail and whatnot, but yeah, like what if we can start seeing the unicorns among us? That’d be some Lasik.”

(I think someone puts a little more time than necessary in on her “What Would Unicorns Do” folder she got for Christmas. Not casting stones, or magic hooves here, but our friends the unicorns have come up a LOT more in conversation since that lovely office supply appeared.)

Later I gestured to a marble coffee table & said, “I just hope that I don’t wind up sitting here all day, staring and petting the pretty marble, because there’s detail and color I couldn’t see before.” And even later that day, in the thick of a work-situation-panic, Kristin shouted something about how I’d be doing that next week, BLIND. Because what we really want to focus on here is blindness and how I won’t be able to get the International Standard Rates and Data Services book in Braille.

I mean, come on. I’m focusing on what really counts here. Vision! And Unicorns!

Maybe one with a magic laser in its horn will be the surgeon tomorrow. Wouldn’t that be somethin’!

We had a fabulous training session this morning, and for me to say that means, it was not only useful, and interesting, and filled with awe-inspiring moments, but that it was WORTHWHILE and that my friends, is practically priceless in this day & age. I have sat through so many useless meetings & trainings that were off-target, blah blah blah, and it was actually energizing to be given information in a concise manner that will actually be used on a daily basis!

I wore my finished Lady Detective Hat today, but it got rather warm at lunch. I found the buckle to finish it up at Hancock Fabrics, and it was rather nip & tuck to find something that was suitable & the right size. I got the last one! I’ll put up pictures, hopefully tomorrow – we’ll have to just go with the positive assumption that I’m going to be able to see just fine, because tomorrow is the big Lasik Day!

In other knitting news, I am working on a pair of socks (for me) out of Trekking #126, the coveted dyelot that resembles the Brach’s candy. I’m using another pattern from Sensational Knitted Socks – the cloverleaf eyelet cable. Of the six-row repeat, only two rows have really any “action” going on, so it’s easily memorized, and humming along quite nicely.
In-progress pics:

Think of me (and Kristin!) tomorrow morning – we’ll both be getting our eyes lasered, and hopefully, not by laser cats.

OK, so at 9:00 a.m., I looked at my adorable little yellow chick clock, with the feet that wag back and forth. This clock:

Then, some amount of time later, I looked back at it (it’s just to the left of where my computer monitor sits and I don’t care how much I know there’s a clock on my computer, I never look at it). Chick said “9:03”. Holy crap. I felt my head tilt, my body sag, and I thought to myself, “Man. It’s going to be a long day. It’s like time’s standing still.”

It wasn’t until close to 10:00 that Kristin came in and informed me that my clock was wrong, that I realized the battery was dying (and is now dead). WHEW! It was going to take two weeks before it was 5:00!

In other news, it is still cold & icy – the Wo hasn’t had school all WEEK! and the knitting frenzy continues. I finished the Portland sweater, and here’s a picture:

I upsized the pattern, and the color in this picture isn’t exactly representative – it’s more a soft muddled plum. I wore it on Monday & it was quite comfy. Of all things, I’m wearing my frothy mohair scarf today, because my friend Tamar mentioned it last week. I am not a mohair gal, but this scarf really is too pretty. Here’s a lovely picture of me, which I took with my cameraphone – while I was talking to a rep. She didn’t say anything shocking, so I have no idea why my eyes are bugging out!

Then I decided I’d see what I’ll look like without glasses – Friday’s the big day! I couldn’t quite recapture the expression….

I think it looks like I”m saying, “MmmmmHMMMMMMMM” in a really indignant, saucy tone.

It is so cold in our offices, we might as well make some money on the real estate & hang some meat. Cold storage is an understatement, people. I am |this| close to blasting the Rocky theme song over the intercom as my passive-aggressive form of protest.

Now, some might say this is a fine sort of revenge. Seeing as how at the Last Place I Worked, I kept the thermostat a brisk 60-something or other. My argument was that I was in Hell, and I was simply curious to see if I could actually freeze it over. (Seriously though, my argument was that it was JUST FINE, and my chilly girly neighbors wore sweaters. We had ventilation issues and my office turned into a Crock Pot if we turned it up.) Here, however? It is warm in the summertime and freezing in the winter. My toes haven’t thawed all day. I started visualizing sides of beef hanging from the ceiling, and I’m just waiting to hear someone shout about eating lightning and crapping thunder.

I’m listening to Snow Patrol right now, in honor of the weather. Actually, it wasn’t horrific driving in this morning – but there is a ton of ice/frozen sleet out there. Plus the fact it’s a holiday might have cut down on the number of drivers out there, so I was happy to get to work wreck-less and safe.

The weekend was spent burrowed in. I wore pajamas and hand-knit wool socks all weekend long, venturing out only once, and that was only two steps out the door to put the recycling in its bin. One wayward can fell beyond the bin & skittered into the middle of the driveway, and I called upon my helper dog (Polly) to retrieve it. She thought it was EXCELLENT because it was a can of chicken broth & she made sure to lick it thoroughly before finally picking it up and bringing it to me. That dog loves to fetch! We watched numerous movies, and I knit like a fiend.

Project Updates: I finished the Portland sweater – which I’m wearing today and because they turn the heat way down in the office over the weekend, I am surprised to say I’m still kinda cold. I used the yarn called for in the pattern (Rainbow) & the colorway is the plum combo. I then knit the Lady Detective Hat, in Noro #55, and the only thing I need to call it finished is the buckle that goes on the side. I’ll post a picture of the hat when it’s done – the pattern is from the book Knit 2 Together. THEN I cast on for the Curiously Clever Clogs, in Crystal Palace’s Iceland – colors are hot pink,lime green, and a variegated print that incorporates the pink, green & also purple & orange. There’s beading involved, and the beads I ordered had way-too-small holes to navigate a crochet hook through, but I would not be stopped. Instead, I devised a way to get the damn beads on the bulky yarn, and because I’m stubborn, I continued to do this, despite how much I ended up hurting my fingers! Basically, you can take a piece of monofilament, thread it through your loop you’re about to knit (or purl), then thread both ends through the bead, slide it down, and then tug like hell until it gets onto the yarn & you have enough room to work the stitch! I ended up giving myself some nice cuts that would give your average papercut a run for its money. I’ve hit on an alternative method for the second slipper: use needle-nosed pliers to hold and pull the monofilament. I got part of the first slipper done & my hands hurt so much, I had to set them aside. Enter project #4: another pair of socks, in the luscious Trekking colorway #126 – just like the Brach’s candy. Funny how knitting with the colorway can make you crave the candy! Two of my knitting pals have theirs done – check out the pics: Kyra’s socks here, and Leslie’s socks here! I wound the yarn off into equal balls & thought I’d lined them up perfectly with the pattern in the yarn to have them be identical? Wrong-o! But I’m not going to let that stop me. After all, the point isn’t matchy-matchy perfection! I’m knitting them using a stitch from Sensational Knitted Socks (again, mind you that you check the errata for the book if you use it as more than a stitch reference), it’s the Cloverleaf Eyelet Cable. Gives it just enough of a twist to be interesting, but not too complex. I worked on those during the season premiere of 24 – people, you just do not fuck with Jack Bauer. He can kill a man with his TEETH while handcuffed to a chair. I think he’s about to have a very bad day.

That’s the scoop, Friday’s the big day for the Lasik, and it’s also the day it’s supposed to warm up enough to melt all this nasty stuff. In the meantime, more knitting, more Jack Bauer (tonight!), and more cold. Stay warm!

I watch a lot of Law & Order. CSI, Court TV, A&E – I’ve always loved detective novels, and once I got access to a television, I immediately gravitated to all the criminology-based shows. I am fascinated by the psychology and formation of the criminal mind (and yes, I watch that show, too.)

A young Missouri boy disappeared Monday after school – stepped off the school bus & was gone. A sweet face, 13 years old, beaming up in his school picture, with glasses and a sharp jawline. The news showed the search parties each night, men, mostly, locals, dressed in their camouflage jackets and coveralls, walking shoulder-to-shoulder in the grassy fields near where he disappeared. As each day passed, and the 72-hour mark was hit, I felt that sick feeling in my stomach, that he would be another child gone, snatched and killed. His father on the news, eyes hollow, keeping it together, keeping hope alive, voicing a plea, bewildered this had happened to them.

And then the impossible happened: not only was he found, but another boy, kidnapped four years ago, was also found. James told me as I walked into the living room, they had just broken into the non-stop weather coverage to report it, it had just happened. Then, on the later news, they showed more footage, had more details of the story, you saw the 13-year old smiling as the police escorted him in to the building, and I imagined his father wrapping him in his arms, finally giving in to the fears and sadness in the relief of the moment. We also saw the other boy, taller, unsmiling, walking with another crowd of officers, and I thought of his mother, who must have just spent another Christmas, mourning and hopeful and feeling the hole in her heart that never healed, and I saw their future, an uneasy road, because this boy had grown, has probably been told lies about his parents for the past four years, that they didn’t want him, that they gave him to this evil man, and I can barely bring myself to imagine what he did to him. His first victim had gotten too old, and he needed another. The sense of displacement, even in such a hellish situation, this older boy’s psyche, the work that will have to be done and undone and still, never erased. And I wept for both those families, because of the joy and the fear and the sadness and the pain, so many lives twisted, never to be unbent completely, because of one man’s evil. It’s a misnomer to call it a happy ending – but it’s as close to a miracle as you can get.

The detailed story is here.