I have the most entertaining experiences at Costco. Last night, I went after work – hell-bent on getting a new Palm Pilot – only to discover I should “check back in August, for back-to-school.” Look, Cap’n PUTZ, just because APRIL begins with an “A”, too, doesn’t mean I can just sit back for four months and not hot-sync to all my appointments on my computer. Underneath the chaos you see before you lies a spirit that does love to label things, categorize, create workflow charts and link pages of spreadsheets to one another. So BACK UP, I will buy some other stuff, but I will NOT wait four months for a new organizer thingy. HRmph.<\/p>\n
As a I strolled around the section featuring fans, I spied a hoochy-mamma with her white-trash-beautiful boyfriend, looking at the coffee selection. OH, I don’t normally notice everyone at CostCo, but when you’re wearing those giant clunky black platform Mary Janes, with white knee highs, and I can see your legs ALL THE WAY UP to about one inch below your crotch, where your middle section has been covered with a 12″ swath of ruffled Britney-Spears-schoolgirl-whore skirt, and then you are wearing a – folks, I cannot even remember exactly what her shirt was, I was so boggled by the short skirt, all the tattoos, and the chain she wore around her waist. It was basically a tied-up shirt, straight outta “Ooops I Have No Talent Again”, and she had a bunch of piercings on her face, which I avoided looking at more than once out of fear I’d be caught with a judgmental, I-can’t-believe-I’m-going-home-without-my-PalmPilot face. I contemplated buying a camera, just so I could surreptitiously take a picture of them, so you would really be able to SEE the train wreck shopping alongside me. We ended up in line around the same time, and I could see that while she dressed like a size two, she was several sizes up from that, which hey, I’m all for body and size confidence, at ANY size, but I’m also hung up on this thing called “good taste” and so if you can’t really fit into your little sister’s school uniform, then ya shouldn’t be skankin’ around CostCo in it, mmmkkkkay? And having extra adipose around the midsection doesn’t really translate to, “Hey, I’ll wear a dangly shiny chain around my naked exposed waist so EVERYbody looks and then sees all my tattoos.” They bought a ton of garbage bags – four CostCo sized boxes, and they were the big black garbage bags. That was it. Probably gonna have some freakshow cooking oil wrestlemania in the living room. Who knows. All I know is, I gotta get me a new PDA this weekend, I had the nicest service when I was checking out, and I went to Thai Place for carryout, where they noticed I’d gotten a haircut. I think that says I go there uhhhhhhhh kinda sorta a LOT, maybe.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have the most entertaining experiences at Costco. Last night, I went after work – hell-bent on getting a new Palm Pilot – only to discover I should “check back in August, for back-to-school.” Look, Cap’n PUTZ, just because APRIL begins with an “A”, too, doesn’t mean I can just sit back for four months […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/plazajen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/plazajen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/plazajen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plazajen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plazajen.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=320"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/plazajen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/320\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/plazajen.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plazajen.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/plazajen.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}