Month: September 2005 (Page 2 of 4)

(as sung to the tune of Me & You & A Dog Named Blue…..)

Eric Chaloux. He’s a reporter on the local CBS affiliate, and he used to be on the NBC station. Where do I begin? From a global overview, I think it’s funny how with some things, we change our feelings over time without even really realizing it.

When Eric first appeared on NBC’s 10p news, I could. not. stand him. His delivery for every news story was dramatic, over-wrought & inconsistent with the rest of the news program. He was the fodder of many jokes I made, with others in the media biz, about the Highly! Dramatic! Delivery! And then he was gone from NBC.

Because he’d gone to CBS (KCTV). The station had undergone huge changes, new management, and they were re-positioning themselves in the market with a whole new approach: LIVE! Late-Breaking! Investigative! Essentially, if it bleeds, it leads. Quite the perfect environment for Mr. Eric. Except now he was on mornings. Ohhhhh, new fodder & fun in our household. Poor Eric. He gets sent out at 4 a.m. and reports from old crime scenes, still with the unflagging enthusiasm that seems to be part of who he is, not an act. And he did tone down his voice, that was the thing that really made me nuts. James, being the early riser in our home, would tell me “Eric Chaloux’s out on an on-ramp, waiting for the ice!” “Eric Chaloux’s stuck at some strip mall where a robbery happened 14 hours ago!” One of the funniest early-morning adventures came when Eric tried to demonstrate how thick the ice was, and broke his ice scraper. Even the “pretty people” back in the studio seem to chuckle a little bit more at/with him. I developed a little bit of a soft spot for the guy, because anyone who’s dedicated & enthusiastic, despite getting stuck with the shitwork, deserves some appreciation.

So in my new job, I work with a lot of different sales reps at KCTV, one of whom is drier than dry & makes me laugh every time I see him. In our first lunch, I think he heard basically the same things I’ve just written, and, like any good jokester (and salesperson), stowed that information away. The next time we had a meeting, he was presenting some football packages, and (with great dramatic flair) gave me an autographed picture, from Eric Chaloux. Ohhhh, lordy. I got a little worried, that Eric Chaloux was starting to think he had an obsessive admirer, but I was reassured that was not the case. Fast forward to the .Access Hollywood event, and lookie-who’s covering the excitement? Eric Chaloux. My funny sales rep? Got Eric over for a picture, which turned into a GROUP picture with all my sales reps & the general manager of the station. Good Grief. Kristin was, once again, laughing hysterically.

I told the general manager of the station, “You know what? Eric should move to evenings. He’s been on mornings long enough, don’t you think?” The GM said they were discussing it, in fact. And a week ago, Mr. Chaloux began appearing on the 10p news. I don’t want to take ALL the credit, but I’d be fine with a brief interview/profile on Hilarious BlogWriters of Kansas City.

The moment, captured. (And cropped. I’m not giving my reps any extra glory.)

So the open house party was a success; it looked a little sketchy at first what with all the rain & I think everyone’s anxiety level was hitting the roof. Having sat at my desk smelling garlic and cheese for two hours, it was all I could do not to leap onto the table and sit in the middle of it, grabbing brie with one hand & shrimp with the other. Since I’d like to keep this job, I refrained.

However, once the crush of people started, I found myself squirrelling off to my office to sit and just be still for 5-10 minutes at a time. I think I’m more the 20-person-max-party-girl, and I like to have the option to SIT DOWN in a four-hour window. There was no sitting, and there were at least 100 people milling about. I spent most of my time talking to co-workers, one of whom announced she was gettin’ drunk, dammit. I felt so old at that moment. My days of getting drunk around all my coworkers (at the office no less!) are gone gone gone they been gone so long gone gone gone so long. I have been known to whoop it up in a bar setting, but anymore, the meds I’m on make me sweat like a sprinkler if I’m drinking and it’s slightly warm, so that’s unpleasant, and I’d rather not lose control in front of people who don’t really know me yet.

I had some fun conversations, though, and my boss & his wife are just awesome. The stories they tell about their kids make me laugh SO HARD, because each of their three children are so different, and yet such characters. I’ll re-tell them all, I’m sure, but for today I’ll leave you with the one from their youngest, a 3-year-old boy. He wanted McDonald’s. And stated it as such. “Mom, I want McDonald’s.” “No, honey.” “Mom, I WANT McDonald’s!” “No!” “Mom, I WANT MCDONALD’S, GODDAMMIT!” She almost drove off the road. And upon learning he shouldn’t use that word, it became a mantra chant from the backseat: “GODDAMMIT GODDAMMIT GODDAMMIT GODDAMMIT!”

I said, “So, did he get McDonald’s?”
“Nope.”

I love good parenting.

I had lunch with my good friend Cindy today; she drove, and on our way back we encountered all the blocked roads & extra traffic due to the art fair on the Plaza starting today. Cars weaving in and out, stopping, crossing intersections in the midst of traffic, just your usual pell-mell excitement down here. We both decided that the restaurant was yummy, but we were annoyed that we both smelled like a hot pancake griddle after we left. I guess that’s what happens if you eat someplace that serves a lot of paninis?

Anyway, Cindy’s yelling at the bad drivers, and I said, “We are exactly the same when it comes to driving. I’m glad you’re screaming at them, because otherwise I’d have to, and it’s nice to let someone else do it.” Two minutes later we’re at one of those decision-points, where a giant Mack truck wants to turn in front of us, but we’re sorta in the way of their path, and we can see our light is green, but the 10 drivers in front of us are apparently asleep and not pushing the little square acceleration pedal. Cindy declared, “I have to decide. I have to decide!” Since nobody in front of us was moving, she put the car in reverse and made room for the truck to turn. The light turned red as we waited for the truck to get out of the way.

“I hope that was the right decision, don’t let it be wasted,” she grumbled at them as they turned, hoping that the accomodations she made would result in the MackTruck People doing something equally nice to someone else…..

Shaking my fist, I shouted: “PAY IT FORWARD, MOTHERFUCKERS!”

Cindy: “I’m gettin’ that tattooed ON MY ASS.”

It’s good having good friends, especially if you swear like sailors and smell like hot pancake griddles.

Suzy & Polly are EXTREMELY demanding when they have a photo shoot together. It’s like having Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie in the same room for 6 hours, posing for shots illustrating the concept of BFF while a plate of nachos sits just out of reach. I heard Suzy mutter something about “beef jerky in my rider next time” after these pictures were shot. Celebrities! I tell ya! Next thing you know, my dogs will be demanding gift baskets!

In the same vein, we are having an open house for our clients & whatnot this afternoon? And you might think, working here this week amid the MadCap Cleaning and the emails containing Important Instructions and Reminders, that this was the First Party Ever Under The Milky Way Night Sky of Earth’s Orbit to be thrown. Ever. Perhaps this is why: it has been ALL BOYS working on planning this party. Grown-up men with letters in their titles scurrying around like wedding planners, debating over where to put chairs.

And there you have it. Not to be all “I’m The Greatest” or “Chicks Rule”, but a girlfriend & I were in charge of a similar open house at my last job, for 4x the guests, and I don’t recall being this squirrely, even on the day of the party. It’s always interesting to see the differences between men & women, and it’s actually funny when it’s over something as simple as a party. Boys will be boys…. At least they knew they needed to do more than open a bag of Doritos and get a couple cases of beer – Dean & Deluca are catering.

Despite the yummy food & free drinks, it’s raining outside & staying in bed never looked so good! I need a rider. On party days, I don’t come in until 3. I bet Paris Hilton has one.

I’m thinking that, if you are selling yourself as a hip trendy nightclub, the fact that you tag your radio spot with the location-helper: “Located between Hobby Lobby & Price Chopper”???

That kinda undermines the whole “hip-trendy” effect, peeps.

*ORT, a great crossword-puzzle word; definition: a morsel left at a meal : SCRAP (in other words, a new category for the random bits that fall out of my mind.)

When I got home last night, both dogs met me at the door. They told me about their days, and they tried the game of “Daddy di’n’t feed us, you should feed us now!” but I was on to their game, having spoken with James & he told me he’d fed them. I called them on their little trick and then we all laughed and they said they couldn’t help it, they’re labs, they have to always try for some more food!

Later on, though, Suzy came & found me, and I saw she was struggling a little to talk, but she finally confessed she had been reading my blog. (Since she’s been working really hard at expressing her feelings, I didn’t interrupt to ask whose computer she’s using.) She then said that when she saw pictures of JUST Polly yesterday, and there wasn’t even mention of her, she felt sad. And left out. I told her that I was sorry, and that I don’t mean to play favorites, but she knows as well as I do, that Polly’s younger and a lot more pushy and so sometimes that means she gets more attention, but I didn’t love her any less, and I promised to put HER pictures up today. Because Suzy’s a good dog, too.

I was sitting here with this big blank space, and I’m still rather tired, not woken up, trying to figure out what I wanted to write about today: the waiter last night, Dave Grohl, the new tv season, silliness at work, insaneness of a former workplace, you know, the general swirling maelstrom.
Then, I felt a nudge.
I looked down.
Aw. I’d much rather pet my dog. So I made her pose and told myself you’d understand. Pretty Polly just sneaks up sometimes and makes me want to play hooky & skip everything!

Oh, yeah, baby. There are people out there with “knitting blogs”, and hell, the TITLE of my blog is about knitting, but let’s not sugar coat it people. I enjoy the blog for the bitching and the kvetching and the shouting and the laughing, and sometimes I give you knitting updates. So today I give you some updating on how I do spend a lot of my time!

These are socks for JWo; custom-fit, toe-up, using Lucy Neatby’s little square toe. I did not like the idea for leaving the heel until the end, so I abandoned the pattern for hodge-podging my own. The yarn is Regia 100g, and it came in one big ball. I always do my socks at the same time! Two socks on two circs, it’s the way that works for me.

These are socks for me, and they knit up SuperFast. I don’t know why! They’re a little snug, but they feel like warm wooly feet hugs, so I’m pleased. My feet like to be hugged. The yarn is Parade, from Knit Picks, color Plum. It’s sport weight, and I got some in Pumpkin Patch for socks for James! I see from the website that they re-named it to “forest”. Whatever, I have the label that calls it punkin patch and there is no better-named yarn for my Giant Punkin Grower! The pattern is Lucy Neatby’s Mermaid Sock, with the wavy cuff. The twisted rib was really fun, and I think contributed to why it went so quickly. The self-striping made it look like I was making entrelac socks, but really, it’s a simple pattern with the stitch & the yarn making the magic. Also, the big short-row heel was awesome. Loved it. No gaping holes, no doing slip stitches, just a cushy garter stitch. I’ll be using that heel again! If you like to knit socks, her book “Cool Socks, Warm Feet” is a must-have.

This is the start of my clapotis. I worked on it on & off in the car yesterday; it at least made the drive go faster! I managed to get more stitches between the markers than I think is called for? And I. Don’t. Care. It’s a scarf, it’s adjustable, and I’m capable of adapting the pattern to my mistakes! So we’ll see how I feel about it when it’s done! LOL! I’m using an extremely soft sock yarn from Knit Picks, Sock Landscapes, in color Rocky Mountain Dusk. I have four skeins of it (so I’ve got more yardage to play with as I “adjust” this pattern), and the Clapotis will cost me $16, vs. the $90 I’d pay to use the called-for Lion & Lamb. Sigh. Yes, I realize I’m not knitting with silk/wool in an exquisite colorway….and yes, I’m using Hello Kitty & Spongebob Squarepants shoe charms for some of my stitch markers. I’m just a Knitta With Attitude. Look for my hip-hop album to drop next year…..

So I’m finally gettin’ going on having the clap. The clapotis, that is. I pronounce it clap*o*TEE, but I’m sure there are as many ways to say it as there are knitting styles. In any case, I’m going to use my commute time tomorrow to get goin’ on it – given that I’m spending over 5 hours in the car to & from a new business meeting. I already told the guys who’re going with me that I’ll be in the backseat, knitting. Forewarned is forearmed, baby.

My old boss used to denegrate a franchisee who would go to meetings & bring her knitting, because she said it was so unprofessional looking, and it made the woman look stupid. I asked if the meetings were really boring & unproductive, and she enthusiastically agreed with me….. I might have muttered something about how instead then, she was pretty smart, using that time to accomplish something worthwhile. (Oh, and nevermind that the woman was a millionaire, as required to even BE a franchisee.)

It’s all about the culture, isn’t it? Excellent article in today’s KC Star, reviewing a book I plan on getting, called “Bait & Switch”. Basically, white-collar corporate America is more interested in creating a “culture” based on “personality”, and the desirable personality profile is one that looks just like the people running the place. Because yes-men and people who think just like their bosses? Now that’s creativity, people……

OK, that’s a horribly petty title. But good grief. First off, is anyone REALLY surprised that Renee Zellweger & Kenny Chesney are no more? That their marriage, like the Monty Python parrot, is dead? (A “Fraud”, no less! Whatever that means!) eGad. It’s the price you pay, being famous, in exchange for all your fucking celebrity gift baskets (that I am positively GREEN WITH ENVY for) and your fat bank accounts, everyone gets to make fun of you for being an idiot.

See, I was thinking about this (in all that blank vacuum-esque time when training was going on, and it was being taught in Swahili, for all I could tell), that my personal approach to my marriage & most all of my relationships is what I’d describe as “the opposite of Jenga”. I prefer to build up, with precision & a steady hand, taking my time to lay the small wooden sticks in order to create the strongest foundation possible. These speedy-flash marriages make me visualize a Jenga tower, thrown together & stacked high, without a lot of care or thought into how long it might stay up, or what happens the first time one of the blocks gets knocked into, bumped, or taken out. I know, there are people who get engaged in two weeks, married in six months, and stay married for the rest of their lives. My best friend Shelley’s parents’ story was exactly that – 45 years later, they’re still chuggin’ along. If my approach classifies me as “cautious”, well, I’ll live with that. We got engaged after 3 years & 3 months of dating; married at 4 years, and now we’re at 6 years and 4 months. (Don’t worry, I don’t keep a ticker going, I use my fingers to count off from May to figure out how long it’s been.) I just don’t know how you truly know someone in less than 6 months. I had a 7-year friendship bite the dust, for pete’s sake, over basic personality & belief differences. I suppose the flip side is if you have a whirlwind romance & get hitched & keep a lot of romantic notions about love & relationships being like something out of the movies, then you’re bound to hit the rocks pretty quick-like. Kind of like your Jenga tower falling down after only two blocks get pulled out.

For the record, though, I figure if anyone’s spouse gets within seduction-range of Angelina Jolie, nobody’s marriage is safe. Hell, I’d probably leave JWo for her. (Oo! Think she’d adopt me? Then I’d get to fight Maddox and Zahara for the cool shit in her celebrity gift baskets!)