Day: September 5, 2005

On tonight’s 10p news, there was a report about an apartment building fire in Midtown KC. Two mattresses were intentionally set on fire in an apartment, and they have a suspect; the arsonist’s mug shot was shown, with the quote that he allegedly started the fires because? Oh, don’t even try to guess this one. He set shit STUFF on fire because he felt unloved. Yes, UNLOVED. I guess he was hoping for a big wet one & bear hug from the firefighters?!?

I am thinking someone at the Tele-Prompter might be a long-lost cousin of mine. Because that was one of those lines where I surfaced from my own fog with the look of a large bear being rudely interrupted from a fresh raspberry tart. The link at the tv station is not up yet, but if/when it gets posted, I will update. Because otherwise, somebody at Live, Late-Breaking & Investigative is having a leeeetle bit of fun on this holiday weekend!!!!!

Only in America: The I’m-So-Unloved Defense. I much prefer the Too Many Raspberry Tarts and Chai Lattes Defense.

Updated 9/6: Confirmation of Unloved Rationale can be found here.

I remember being 8 years old. I thought I was the SHIZ-NIT, and nobody could touch my essential J-Funk kinda style. Mmm-hmmm. Kickin’ it in black & white Mary Janes, wide wale corduroys, shapeless vests that are now strikingly similar to the Wal-Mart uniform, with side ties. When my mother took me out for my birthday, I wore my grandmother’s long-discarded cat-eye sunglasses and carried an ancient purse. I made those relics look GOOD.

So it was with great regret later, when I realized I had not brought my camera to MommaLinda’s last night, because my nieces were there, and the 8-year old made her entrance into the living room with a flourish. Miranda was wearing overall shorts & a t-shirt, and that’s where normal stopped. She had on a crazy purple headband, lots of blue eyeshadow, a pair of enormous pink & green fleece slippers on her feet, an Eeyore purse carabiner-clipped to her right overall strap, and a black monkey named “Chatty” carabiner-clipped to her left strap. The PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE? One white glove. I nearly bit my tongue in half, because I had to force myself to remember she is only 8, and so I kept my Michael Jackson comments to myself.

She then proceeded to perform magic tricks. It was hilarious. She did a great job, and after a couple of hours hanging out, having things clipped to one’s overalls seemed kind of normal. (Hey, after my previous post, I don’t claim to be the standard for normal, either.) But let me just say that the funniest line came from her sister, directed at JWo, later in the evening. He was giving her a hard time, teasing & so on, and she finally had had enough & said, “Don’t make me fight you, little man.”

So you know what phrase will be overused around HERE over the next few months….