I have a short list of things that – just in the space of today – have made me utter or think the word “Douchebag”.
1. Waiting until you are at or near a complete stop to signal your turn. Hi. The rest of us are actually paying attention? And you are inconveniencing us. Especially if we don’t want to turn in front of you in your Beemer as you slowly approach the intersection, but oh, I see, it’s because you’re on your phone and drinking a coffee, so I get it, your HANDS WEREN’T FREE to turn the signal on. Fuck you. And you, the other one, in front of me later today, careening all over the place, unsure of where to turn.You are not the only one out here!
2. Leaving someone no room to get out of a parallel parking spot. Here’s how I know (this was once again, a Beemer, but I will not jump to conclusions): the big ol’ Land Rover was there when I parked. We had lots of distance between us, but you chose to kiss my bumper and leave him three feet. Fuck you. I hope the next time you’re at the grocery store, someone parks so close to you, you have to get in from the passenger side. Careful not to slip when you go over the gear shift!
3. When someone has nearly finished Austin-Powering her way out of a tiny fucking parking spot, just keep zooming around her so she can’t complete the extrication, despite having half a front end of a Murano sitting out in traffic. Interesting Trivia: if you slow down and read her lips, she’s screaming “Fuck you! And you! And you, too!” Please note, she smiles and waves if you let her in.
4. This douchebag takes the cake and the crown from all the bad drivers & parkers I encountered today. He makes me physically sick to my stomach. People want him to get the death penalty? But I think someone like him should go away to a little cinderblock cell that he’ll share with someone he’ll have to call “Mr. Sweetums” for the next 30-50 years. Douche. Bag.
This has been your public service message, you may resume your regularly scheduled knitting, working, happy houring or sleeping. Thank you.
I also like the douche that parks so close to your driver’s door that you can’t actually get the door open to squeeze in and have go through the passenger side and climb over (which is not easy in a Murano!).
why did i click that link…what a fuckwad!
Have I got a website for you: http://peoplewhodeserveit.com/page/2/
What I hate is when people park so far over the line (after my car has already been there) that I can barely open the back door to get Sam in the car. And yes, I COULD put her in from the other side but it’s much more fun to ram my car door into the side of their behemoth SUV.
I also love the word douche bag. Or douche. It’s my favorite.