Riding the Bike with One Pedal.

I Can’t Make This Stuff Up.

I walked in this morning after a meeting (at the rob-em-early Latte Land, no less!) and our office manager greeted me with a letter we’d gotten in the mail yesterday. She knows my sense of humor.

Yes, indeed. This bright fellow sent out blind letters to businesses in town, offering his services. And really, even if you’re a skimmer by nature? You owe it to yourself to read every. single. word. Because if you don’t, you won’t know exactly what you’re missing.


Now, strangely, I’m sorta hungry for pizza.


  1. turtlegirl76

    A HAHAHAHA! That is priceless. “Unpaid Art Critic” hehehehe

  2. Hillary (twig1gy)


    I am trying to close my jaw now that it’s hit the ground.


  3. Jennifer

    Holy cow.

  4. Susan (LotusHips)

    I bet pizza maker is the only ‘real’ skill on that list 🙂 What a maroon

  5. Ragnar

    Just who does the certification for “clean” anyway?

  6. April (ajdury on ravelry)

    After all those words, I’m still completely in the dark as to what “service” he means!

    I can see why he’s not offering his abilities as a writer though, lol.

  7. Karen

    I need help to get my jaw off the ground – that is way too funny!!!!

  8. ck


  9. May / Illiane


  10. Lori (lorilei on Ravelry)

    Does friend of the poor and needy mean “i live at the YMCA?”
    Too funny

  11. camelama

    Um. “SCCA car racing driver”? Anyone with 15 bucks and a worker car can be an SCCA “car racing driver”. *I* was an SCCA “car racing driver”. 🙂 hey! Maybe this is my answer to being laid off! I’ll start a service delivery company too! “Need someone to pet your cat once a day? Hire me! I’m an SCCA car racing driver!” 😉

  12. Carolyn J.

    He never really comes out and says what his services are, does he? You need to call him and ask him to run some errands, mow the lawn, detail your car etc. and wait for him to make the offer he really wants to make.

  13. bekah

    Why the hell does “Ex-Nebraskan” make that list?

    Also: Is it wrong of me to steal his list of shit he does and use it on my “About me” section of Facebook?

  14. shannon in oregon

    that is some funny shit, jen! must forward this post onto kev!

    i think plant owner is my fave.

  15. Becky

    So, do you think he wants to work with mothers and daughters at the same time?

  16. J-Wo

    I wonder if the guy has gift certificates? If so, I may have my X-mas shopping for the family done early this year!

  17. Hperblogal

    I see Chris Matthews in his future.

  18. gak

    seriously jen…. can you call him? this is the most crazy/fascinating thing i’ve seen since Grey Gardens.

  19. Cindy

    Who has time for pizza making, wrestling AND lifeguarding anymore?

  20. Jennifer

    holy crap. That is awesome. I would FRAME this sucker and keep it in my line of view forever!

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