Riding the Bike with One Pedal.

Mulling Definitions

Friends are mightily important in my life. There are people I know I’d like to give more of myself to, but time/space/energy/location preclude it. But I don’t take friendships lightly, and when I have issues in a friendship, they weigh heavily on my mind. Recently, I had the small realization that just because someone SAYS we’re friends and says all the right things doesn’t necessarily equate to action-based friendship, which to me, is where the rubber meets the road. Then, there are other people who strive to be friends with the people they perceive to be “the cool kids”, so that through association, they are also cool. Does any of this feel like high school yet?

Thanks to the internet, there are a whole bunch of people out there I do call my friends. You are my online friends. You comment, we exchange emails now and then, we’re even friends on Facebook. Thanks to the internet, I found my best friend in the universe. But the internet is also a deceptive shimmery piece of film, where it is easier to ‘be’ friends than to do it in real life. And it doesn’t even have to be the internet – friends in real life, but in a different setting? One of the friends became invisible. This kind of shit really makes me weary. It’s a reason I haven’t posted in a while, because I usually blog about what’s sitting right at the top of my brain, and yes, there have been a lot of great things happen over the past couple of weeks, and a couple not-so-great, but I knew as soon as I sat down to type, this whole friendship thing would start bubbling onto the keyboard. I’m irritated. It makes me want to cull and cut and slice and dice and withhold myself from the online universe.  Yet I’m wrestling with another situation, and I want to turn to some of those people for their advice, their perspective, because I still think most people are good, and care, and want to be needed, even if it’s through the interwebs.

So I dunno. The internet brings us all closer, makes the global village a little smaller, brings us shiny fun videos to share, things we can “like” and things we can have in common. Yet it brings a false sense of closeness, too, and I hate when it slaps me in the face. I want to share my life and I don’t.  Some things can’t/shouldn’t be shared, and those are the things I muddle through with best friends. I’m a problem-solver and it sucks to not be able to find the answers readily.  Maybe that’s the point – not everything has an answer. Some sentences, some problems, and some friendships – are just left hanging.


  1. korin

    I love the internets for the very same reason you present. It brought me my bff who moved across country and now lives 4 blocks away raising her miracle twins.
    I’ve also had friends I met in real life turn out to be big jerks. But if we ever meet, I promise, i’m not only NOT a big jerk, I’m actually pretty rad.

  2. shannon in oregon

    i am honored to be able to say that we have had the opportunity to sit and knit together, cackling the whole damn time! i’ve had a few instances where i thought i really had met someone special online, who could be a real friend, only to have them flip the fuck out on me. however, it’s happened with people i’ve considered my friends in my “real” life as well. i am always left to wonder, “what the hell?”

    you know i’m only an email away if you ever have things you don’t feel you should share. always. xo

  3. staci

    Hey you….read this last night and have been dwelling on what to say. Then this morning I tool Laura’s quiz…what Lord of the Ring character are you. It doesn’t matter who I tested as, but the one thing it did say was…see you and your closest friends through good times and peril. You are very loyal to your friends and will defend them fiercely. NO MATTER WHAT…and that is what it is all about. Friendships are ones you have to work at on an ongoing basis…but it shouldn’t feel like work. The internet creates wonderful ways to continue friendship beyond phone calls and those that want to be true and real are the ones that are your true friends…I am not being very clear, but know you are deeply loved and cared for and I will have your back!!!

  4. jessi

    i owe you lunch. this week? email me. miss you.

  5. sue

    I understand completely.

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