I told my friend Julie I was “unnaturally excited” about her pregnancy, and sweet Lily has no idea how her crazy Unofficial Auntie Jen is going to dote on her. :) For starters, we present the absolutely adorable baby overalls and the hot pink hand-knit sweater I gave her at the baby shower.

The sweater is knit in ?yikes! I don’t remember, it’s acrylic, it’s a kid’s yarn, I bought it at The Studio. The pattern is wicked simple, it is a freebie from the KnitList gift exchange, and can be found here. The hair? That baby has some serious hair. Mamma has a head full o’ hair, and Lily definitely inherited her hair, it seems – and for now, it’s untameable, outrageous, and UBER CUTE! She’s just so pretty. And snuggly. When I held her, she completely curls her head & body into you. Insert your “awwwwws” here…..

We have the best hair ever. 

Now we’re smoothed down a bit. 

yay for overalls! 

Good grief, Charlie Brown. Days like this confirm my conspiracy theory that every month, there is a secret day at the DMV, and anyone who walks through the door automatically gets their drivers license, no test, no fee, no proof of insurance, see ya later, have a great drive!

We are in the stranglehold of a Winter Storm Warning! NBC’s weatherman Gary Lezak was O. O. C.! He was all hands and arms waving last night on the news. “THERE’S NEW DATA COMING IN ALL THE TIME!” he effused. Don’t get me wrong, I love Gary, because he is unabashedly enthusiastic, and unbelievably passionate about the weather. But sweet mother of all that is holy, NOBODY ON MY ROUTE HOME KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE IN SNOW. OK, that’s too sweeping, but there were at least a dozen people who obtained their license on that Free Day, and they never should have ventured out in this. I was mentally toasting all of the Twin Cities Snow Removal Department in my drive home, a drive that normally takes 20 minutes, and took an hour and ten minutes tonight. We’re not big on snow removal here, because – hey! It’s gonna MELT, eventually!

So I was behind a Jeep. (a JEEP! I say in high-pitched tone!) And this Jeep did not understand the “advisable to leave extra space between you and the car in front of you” concept. Also, Jeep Driver had never grasped the notion that you gently goose the accelerator after you’ve been stopped for a while, very very gently, so you just start rolling. No. He ascribed to the “FLOOR THIS MO-FO” theory, and seemed to not learn from his repeated sliding, nearly off the road, nearly into a jacknife – every time. I was glad when he turned, because I really didn’t want to have to get out, knock on his window & explain the error of his ways.

Then, I see a BMW driving along, with the HAZARD LIGHTS ON. Behind it? A LEXUS SUV, doing the SAME DAMNED THING. WHAT IS UP, people? The only time you can drive with your blinkers on is if you’re dragging your muffler and you’re desperately trying to get to a service station, or you’re preceding a house on the back of a semi and your car is sporting a “Wide Load Ahead” banner. Otherwise, your sorry ass needs to be parked alongside the road, stuck, like the other two dolts who made a 1/4 mile drive take 35 minutes.

Now, it was a big ol’ snow, so I’m already looking forward to the “stay away from downed power lines” cautionaries that will undoubtably cover the 10p news tonight. I wonder if people think that they, an untrained human, can put them back up somehow? Like dragging a tree limb from the road, just grab onto the big sparky and make the road passable? I repeat my earlier theory: LET THESE FOOLS DO IT. It’s one less bad driver on the roads. Speaking of tv “news” drama, I will leave you with a quote from last night’s dramatic reporting: “pain shimmers in their eyes, which are little dams as they try to hold back the tears.”

NBC 41 Action News 2/7, 10:01 p.m.

I had to write it down. It was JUST THAT BAD.

Wowza!

I had a doozy of a headache all morning, despite coffee consumption. So before my dealer, uh, I mean Kristin and I headed out at lunch, I had her hook me up with some of her Powerful Drugs. This would be the Excederin Tension Headache medicine. I tried to read the tiny print on the bottle but did not really get any good dosing instructions. Why is the print so small, when you can barely SEE from the Master P Pounding in your brain already? Something about 2 caplets every 6 hours, maximum. Mmmkay. Two it is. Down the hatch! There was another line about limiting your caffeine consumption because it could cause NERVOUSNESS, among other things. I don’t need to be any more nervous than I already am, thankyouverramuch, so I stowed that away in my little brain pocket.

I noticed when we got back, Huzzah! Headache is gone! And then I sat down and ate some tasty thai (from Thai Place, NOT Tasty Thai, JAMES. (sorry. inside joke/reference. It will be explained someday.)) and burnt every taste bud in my mouth from the spicy peppers. Woo hoo! Yum! Why do I love such torturous food? I do not know. I went to the kitchen to get ice, thinking, “Hm, Diet Coke with Lime? My friend? I need you to cure The Burn, baby!” And then I noticed, “Hm! I am JITTERY!” and I will take jittery over nervous any day of the week, BUT, I feel compelled to blink a lot and my typing DEFINITELY suffers. However, this drug, this Excederin? It makes me very PUNCHY and FLIPPANT and you think, “Hm, how could there be ROOM for any more?” You might think there isn’t! But oH there is, and look out.

Right in the middle of writing this blog, we get an email with three (3!!) attachments from HR about how our HMO has rules and restricted places blah blah blah blah blah blah all this medical stuff we pay big money for and how we can’t go anywhere except the sixth ring of Jupiter if we need to be seen by a doctor, and they don’t cover witch doctors anymore, blah blah blah.

My response (as forwarded to a very select few):

PLEASE TO NOT BE CUTTING OFF YOUR FINGERS TOES OR OTHER APPENDAGES AND NEEDING THE EMERGENCY REPAIRS OR CLINIC VISITS BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY PAY PAY THROUGH YOUR NOSE NOSE NOSE.

But if you do it ON THE JOB, it’s covered. So make sure you do all your dangerous moves on property. Thank you. You do not need to read the attached now.

Don’t get me wrong. I love health insurance. I need it, god KNOWS I need it, everyone needs it. But here I am, self-doping, I mean, self-dosing myself all up on caffeine, but you’ve got to go through these elaborate Twister moves to make sure you do every single maneuver correctly if you’re going to the doctor, otherwise you come home 30 days later and there’s a bill for $3,921.17 in your mailbox. There has got to be a revolution, and the system has got to be Overhauled. This has been your PSA, as written by Shakes the Clown, who has no ability to proofread right now.

HOWEVER. I got myself some water, instead of Diet Coke, because extra caffeine right now? Could get me fired, bitchslapped, or – gasp – dropped my medical care provider!

There’s no sweeter sound than your waitress saying, “All Liquor’s Half Off Tonight”, and that one small sentence sent our entire evening skittering in a brand new, unexpected direction. Not really *that* dramatic, however, it did entice me to switch from the standby iced tea to a drink called a “Nut Job”. A frothy, creamy blend of almond liqueur, creme de cacao, vodka?, ice cream, an almond joy and who knows what else, they were half price and dammit, it was a Grim Monday. After the first one? It felt like Thursday night. Woo hoo! Nut jobs for everybody!

We were at Houlihan’s to celebrate Gordon’s 30th birthday – and we didn’t anticipate the fact that ten people can not all fit in a booth. (They only have booths at Houlihan’s, an odd decision for a restaurant in one of the fatter U.S. cities, but hey, they were spacious booths at least.) So we occupied two adjoining booths in the corner, and had a fantastic meal, great company & yummy food. I was really impressed with the service & the value we got – hubby got two LITER-sized Long Island Iced Teas for $5.75. Total. That whole “half-off” deal, workin’ in our favor! Poor James. He met me at my office and we raced around before going to dinner, and he plumb forgot he’d still have to drive home. When I reminded him, it was like I dragged the needle straight across the Record of Fun. Whoops! Sorry sweetie! I stuck to my foofy drink, the Nut Job, and of course, all the accompanying jokes. It was a Nut Job with a bit of a kick, despite being “foofy”! At one point I said, “Now, that’s the NUT JOB talkin’, of course.” and they all pointed at me with knowing looks. MMMhhhhm, the nut job HERSELF speaks…..

Anyhoo. Nut Jobs? On a dismal gray Monday? Greatest Drink EVER!

In our house, things that are good,useful, helpful or handy are dubbed “The Greatest Thing EVER!” and this comes from roughly a year ago, when Polly Purebred was a wee 4 months old. James, who had raised & trained Suzy from puppyhood, had more experience than I (my father trained all our dogs, and so I naively underestimated how much work it took). He explained to me at one point that in Polly’s world, everything that was new and cool was THE GREATEST THING EVER. Ice cubes. The Greatest! Chewing on a new toy? GREATEST! Food? OH MY GOD, let’s pass out from the excitement. Polly still loves her toys, and her favorites are the Busy Bee (NOT a bear in a bee suit) and Monster (Picture here) …. both had to undergo repairs and have done surprisingly well since then. Especially Busy Bee, she is very excited to carry him around and not shred him.

So, in honor of my enthusiastic, loving little dog, I am going to try to muster some enthusiasm myself on this dreary, cold, MONDAY, and come up with some of my own Greatest Things Ever:

1. Hot coffee, with hazelnut creamer (low carb creamer, no-less. Can I still believe I bought something with that on the label? No. But it’s rich & creamy, and I figure if it tastes good AND contains a few less calories, then I’ll succumb, despite the labeling.)

2. Hugs. Hugs from friends, hugs from loved ones, I tell ya. The world would be a slightly less frazzled place if people made sure they got hugs every day. I trained Polly to give hugs, and they’re hilarious – pat your chest and say “Hugs!” and WhOMP you have a 45# labrador standing up, pressing her head on your chest. Licking, yes, but I love her so!

3. Knitting. All the yarns, all the patterns, all the gizmos and gear – it’s a fabulous hobby that’s relaxing and productive.

4. Friends. Including my best friend in the entire universe, JWo.

You know what we all need to remember? It’s the easiest thing to forget, I think. We have entire groups of people in our lives who think WE are the Greatest Thing Ever. A work friend caught me in a dark moment last Friday and said, “Jennifer, there are so many people who respect you and think the world of you and your abilities, and you can’t ever forget that.” Which is what I do, sometimes every minute of every day, because I’m conditioned to think those sorts of thoughts are Puffery. And when too many of those minutes are spent forgetting, I find the slippery slope part of life that seems to descend and not rise back up and the dark depression demons start gathering, pointing in my direction. But the theory behind Misguided Motivation is if we think we’re Great, we won’t try harder or keep working. Gee, what would happen if I thought I was Great and I kept working? Could it be? Hm! Some semblance of Happiness and Contentment?

If there’s one thing I have learned in 36 years is that I am not the only one who feels these things, either. (You know how it was when you were 22 – NObody understood your plight. Rubbish. Everyone goes through similar stuff. Which is why I feel brave enough to put some of this into words.) So all of you out there need to remember the Greatest Thing Ever theory, too, just as I work to remember it. Some people are lucky and it comes more naturally to them. The good thing about Greatest Thing Ever is that it applies to everything, equally. From fish sticks to ice cubes, Colinette yarn to fresh pasta, and from me, to you.

Hugs.

There is nothing like setting your alarm (at 12:30 a.m., after a double feature of violent scary movies) and having your bed partner say, “Why are you setting your alarm?” and you reply, “Because I have THINGS TO DO in the morning!” and then when your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze seven times and then turn the whole contraption off. Because this little awake part of your brain seems to think it can rally round the cerebrum (with a pocket full of cheese!) and wake all the other parts up, but then it finds out quite quickly that the sleepy fat gnome in charge of Eye Operations isn’t having ANY of that nonsense, and he cold-cocks that optimistically happy awake part and you slide back into blissful slumberland.

So an hour later you get awakened by bed partner sliding across the mattress and hugging you, saying, “I thought you had things to do this morning?” while AT THE EXACT SAME MOMENT, your worshipping dog licks your exposed bare foot. That, my friends, is a LOT of stimuli that even the Eye Operations Gnome cannot ignore. But it’s still better than the alarm clock. And I made it to Einstein’s on time, where I met my friend Julie and her baby Lily, who was wearing the overalls I gave her (because every baby needs overalls) and the bright pink sweater jacket I knit her. I’ll get pictures up in the next day or two, I promise. I even get called Auntie Jen, which is totally awesome, because even though we’re not related, I love them like family, which in the end, is really what it’s all about!

It was great to catch up & play with the baby, except for the part where I dumped my entire cup of coffee everywhere (not on Lil’, thankfully). I mean everywhere. The table, my purse, the floor – I even made the guy at the next table flinch and check his pants for random coffee spray. I’d give it a 9 out of 10 for making a mess. .

Apparently Reflex Gnome was on break at the time. Leave it to me to have a Gnome Union.

Bekah – fresh off of Mardis Gras partying, I might add, just instigated a game o’ tag with me. I can already tell my answers to this particular quiz are gonna show my age.

1. Total amount of music files on your computer?

79 in MP3’s. One is the Christmas song with Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sans. I have to pause and butt dance in my chair now.

2. The CD you last bought is:

Snow Patrol’s “Final Straw”. LOVE IT.

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?

Hm. That would have to be the theme music to “Alien vs. Predator” on the credits of the movie last night.

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

“Chocolate”, by Snow Patrol, because I LOVE IT. “The Way You Move” by Big Boi and Outkast. Anything by Barry White makes me happy because it reminds me of awesome times with my husband. (Hey! Get yer mind outta the gutter. ‘Sides that, we got married to Barry White!) “O Happy Day” by the Edwin Hawkins Singers, because as a toddler, I would stand in front of my father’s two-and-a-half-foot tall speakers and dance to it, and I still will, but without the diapers. OK, I can’t believe I’m admitting it, but “Saved the Best for Last” by Vanessa Williams. There. A tiny chink in my armor, exposed. (grin)

Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?

Let’s go with people who I know have music on their computer! Kristin, Sara, and just to see if she has any, and to force her to update,CHEWDY! Wild Scorpy, m’dear, I tagged you on an earlier quiz. Feel free to play but no pressure. ;)

OH, wait! MY HUSBAND! Husband! Update thy blog!