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On Friday’s Shopping

I used to get up at the ass-crack of dawn, and go out into the cold dark winter air, armed with a list and a game plan. I say “used to” like it was ages ago, but in fact, I was out and about just last year. I even went back and read the post, because I wanted to remind myself just how lackluster & disappointing the experience was for me.

So this year, I didn’t go. Or I should say, I didn’t go at the ass-crack of dawn. And of all the sales, the only one I wanted to go to was JoAnn’s, so I made a list, grabbed my coupons, and headed out shortly before 11 am, thinking the crowds might be less and I’d still skate through with the 20%-off-before-noon coupon.

uh, yeah. Nice thought.

I wanted some wool felt, so I thought I was smart when I grabbed my number BEFORE finding my fabric. The line for the cutting table was huge. I looked at my number. E76. Went off and found the bolts of wool, and heard overhead, “D54! D54” Uh, WTF? Did that mean there were 75+46 (121!!!) people AHEAD of me? Fuck that. A woman putting fabric away told me they sold packs of wool felt fat quarters, and I decided I’d go that route. No line, and I’d use my 50% off coupon on ’em. It didn’t take too much longer for me to get the other things on my list. Another sales clerk asked me if I needed help, and inquired about the one thing I needed to buy as a present; she told me to get in line & she’d go get the item for me. Nice! Now, where’s the end of that line?

I thought I’d try to show you, through the magical powers of illustration, just what it took to check out.


My face:


Yes. I was standing a few aisles back from the ribbon. And we went all the way around through Home Dec, by floral, and then into the big chute towards the registers.


That’s me, about 15 minutes in. I can see Home Dec at this point. Then I run into my dental hygienist. She walks with me and chats for a little while, but then goes on to join her mom, who is already in line. Far, far ahead of me.

At about 45 minutes of standing there, my legs got a little tingly. Everyone in line around me was antsy; we’d watch each others’ carts while darting down an aisle to entertain the notion of purchasing something else. The lady in front of me left for five minutes to put back a no-sew throw she’d impulsively put in her cart. Everyone was running out of patience.


Meanwhile, overhead, a man came on the speaker system and reassured everyone their “shop before noon” coupons would be honored, not to worry, they appreciated our patience, etc. I was all, “uh, yeah, otherwise you’re gonna have some crazy-ass women starting a riot!”

Finally, after standing for an hour, it was my turn to check out.


And flee. And go home, and collapse, and take a cat-nap on the sofa.

ETA: Yes. I saved 50% overall on all my purchases, with the bonus discount. So it was worth it – but I’ll have to think long & hard next year if the total savings on what I “need” will justify my time!


  1. i was working friday. even with no sales, we were crazy busy. and only once did someone ask if we were having a sale at all. thankfully, i only had to work half the day then it was home for more time with the family.

    i think kev’s got the right idea, he’s outside right now raking leaves while we are all inside talking about who knows what. perhaps we should do the christmas decorating while he’s out there.

    kill me now.

    btw, love the illustrations!

  2. all I gotta say is I hope the purchase at 20% off was well worth your time in line. 😉 Love the illustrations!

  3. GURL! I wish I had known you love the Black Friday as much as me, but then again, I should have known since you are my sistah from another daddy. ‘ehem ANYWHO! We did a total flip flop because usually I am the one that runs to JoAnns just before the 20% coupon expires and you are the break o’ day girl, but this year it was TOTALLY WORTH IT! I got up at 5 AM and was on the road to JoAnns Indepedence Store promptly by 5:30 AM and got there just as they opened.
    I went there hoping to get my first Cricut machine (the smaller Cricut Personal Cutter $99), but the heifas bought them all by 6:01 AM! BIOTCHES! BUT, I did manage to snag some of the Cricut cartridges, a 7ft pre-lit tree, a steam machine, a Rowenta iron, a bead spinner and a rubberstamping contraption, so it was well worth the schlep. Then, I high tailed it over to the other JoAnns in Overland Park, Michaels, Wal-Mart (They had the big daddy Cricut Expression on sale for $199 which was a much better deal than JoAnns anyway so I was SUPER HAPPY AND they had some in stock). GURL! I was done and back home by 8:30 or 9:00 AM. Next year, we gonna team up and get us a plan because them heifas had the store mapped out and had their lists split up and was on a for real mission. I was jealous. SHOOT! We gonna hit ’em up next year. FO’ SHO!

  4. It’s official…I’m married to a nut job!

  5. I am mesmerized by the magical powers of illustration.

  6. I’m exhausted just from reading this story. Nothing, aside from… I don’t know, three wishes from a genie maybe… would be worth standing in line that long to me.

  7. Even though the experience at JoAnn’s was harrowing, you told it with your usual wit, and this time, with illustrations, no less!

  8. Holy crap that’s a long time to wait, and I liked the illustration to go with. My brother in law was trying to get us all to go to the midnight opening of the outlet mall near my mom’s house on Thanksgiving night but he was the one that fell asleep. I’ve bought everything online so far except one thing for my sister.

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