Riding the Bike with One Pedal.

I AM NOT BEIGE.

God. When will the insanity about our “mayoral first couple” end?!

The fearless stubborn duo appeared on Good Morning America today, and I shared some of Diane Sawyer’s incredulity at the situation. “Why not just stay home and stop causing a kerfuffle?” she basically asked.  EXACTLY! Oh no, just dig in your heels and sue the city. That’s great. Y’all are damned royalty the way you talk, and hey, I’m sorry but you are just a mayor and his wife. Elevating and comparing yourselves to PRESIDENTS and their respective First Ladies? Wow. I’m just astonished.

The audacity to put herself in the same category as HIllary Clinton and Michelle Obama astounds me. I’d like to take the opportunity to point out that yes, Hillary did support her husband, and she did stand by her man, but did she sit outside his office door & stick to him like glue 24/7? I seem to recall seeing plenty of photos of Bill Clinton  quite handily doing his job without his wife by his side, managing everything for him.  Oh, and while we’re talking Hillary, did she ever call any of the White House staff “Bernie Mac”? This Ma’am-E or Mammy explanation is preposterous.

KMBC: “Mayor Mark Funkhouser said his wife once said the word “mammy” to a black woman on his staff, but that she did it as a term of endearment.”

Why, silly me – she meant it as a form of affection!  Yes, and daddy only beats you cuz you cry. WTF? Really? Now our tax dollars are paying for lawyers & most likely, settlement money with the employee who was so lovingly addressed. Meanwhile, crime’s up, the metal plates in the road still plague us, sewer problems abound & the city’s budget is effed up. Hey, concept #1 on that budget?! Drop the lawsuits.

Honestly, these two have pissed me off from the get-go with Glo moving into City Hall and interviewing people and speaking as the mouthpiece for the mayor.  Now they seem to have an irrational determination to sacrifice everything for the sake of being able to “work” together, by golly.  Trumpeting her as this flashy, brassy LongIsland Italian in-your-face woman, how Kansas City just can’t handle her feisty spirit, how we’re just a reserved bunch of beige people (seriously, watch the interview – the original term was “beige”, she’s trying to switch it to “reserved”), and no matter what, HE NEEDS HER. Well, grow a pair, buddy. Wait, that’s right, we heard all about your nether regions in the Christmas letter last year.  There’s a big difference between crude and feisty, friends. I fly across both territories quite comfortably, and for the record, came from IOWA. It don’t get blander than that. Fuck that East Coast attitude, I officially challenge her to a Feisty Dance-Off.

And no, her husband can’t bring a sheet of cardboard and break dance to warm up the crowd. To keep it fair, the Wo will keep his moves to himself as well. Because I can actually fight my own battles, do my job everyday, and operate independently from my husband. Who could put an approach move on the scene before Funk even knew what was goin’ down.

Bizzitches only.

God. Please let this insanity STOP. Part of me actually pities them, it’s like the old childhood story of the Emperor who had no clothes.  Yeah, and for the record, I ain’t beige. But my regular readers already knew that.

8 Comments

  1. J-Wo

    DAYYYYYYYYYUMMMMMMMMMMMM!

  2. cindy

    You need to post this on the GMA message board. They are disgusting and if this was a move to garner sympathy outside of KC, I think they miscalculated. Fuck.

  3. sue

    Somehow I’ve missed this… maybe i need to catch up, huh? 🙂

  4. gak

    bless you for this. the whole thing disgusts me.

  5. Leslie

    Um, impeachment? Long overdue.

  6. Carmen

    :: wags fists ::
    I THINK WE NEED TO START A GRASS ROOT EFFORT TO IMPEACH HIM!!! What do we needs to do? Start a petition?
    You’re the marketing maven. Let’s do it. SHOOT! HE GOTS TO GO! …and I ain’t beige neither. I like being MOCHA! 😀

  7. Cindy

    Also? The image of the two of you having a “Feisty Dance-off” to something like “Low” by Flo Rida has kept me smiling to myself all week. Thank you.

  8. Spyder

    Maybe Gloria is worried that Funk will stray like Bill if shed isn’t there with his every move.

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