Category: I’m Crazy (Page 6 of 9)

I am sure this is one of those statements that doesn’t even really need to be MADE. But I had a rough night last night, waking myself up with a surge of acid in the back of my throat, and I didn’t sleep well after that point. I haven’t had that much stress, but as I lay in bed last night, wondering why I felt SO out of sorts, I realized that I’ve been ignoring, to some extent, that next Tuesday is the two-year anniversary of my father’s death, and that I’ve made my brain separate onto two planes, of sorts. I have the bulk of my brain set on “good times!” and living in the now, and being in relatively good spirits. And I think that big chunk of brain is set on “put the hammer down” on the other plane as a preventative measure, because I want to be progressing, moving forward, being happy, and I am acutely aware that June 10th is coming, not to mention the wincing at all the Father’s Day crap bombarding all of us.

So the lower, squashed plane of my brain is getting back at me in oblique, under-handed ways. Like trying to drown me in stomach acid, or giving me insane, bizarre dreams that stay with me long past the alarm has me up and moving around. I felt like I have been in a stupor for a good 10-15 minutes every morning, trying to shake off the dream memories from the night, sorting out what is and isn’t reality, like picking cobwebs out your hair.

Last night? I dreamed my co-workers and I were driving around town. In the Murano, of course, and I was driving. But even though it was Kansas City, it was very, very dangerous. And as we went through an intersection, an oncoming car – like an old Nissan Sentra – passed us going the other direction, and the driver was a crazy terrorist, and he brandished a baby-blue AK-47 at us, and his AK-47 had all kinds of floral stickers all over it. Kind of the “Hello Kitty” version of weaponry.

I went into a RAGE. Because I had MY AK-47, and that fucker wasn’t going to threaten me with his flowery gun, mine was black and all badass. And my co-workers were kind of freaking out, but they all got out their guns, too, and we went driving through a cul-de-sac Johnson-County-esque neighborhood, shooting at the windows of the houses, just to prove we weren’t powerless.

Someone might have a control issue or three, ya think? I’ve decided my new solution, when faced with situations I can’t control, is to shout, “I’m Right!” at the top of my lungs in the car. It at least makes me laugh and stops some of the obsessing. Plus, it’s far less dangerous than brandishing weaponry.

No, our neighbors are not the teasing sort.

I am giddy right now, with antici-pation and delight over a small side project I’ve been working on, but in the interest of NOT having ebullient vomit all over my face, I’m going to wait until I’m further along. In the meantime, allow me a few random “YIPPEE!”s and “SQUEEEE!”s and “HOTDAMN!”s.

Now, in my last post, I talked about the weekend. Not everything from the weekend, certainly, but I forgot to talk about SCIENCE. We were awakened in the wee hours one morning by a thunderstorm rolling through. To be technically accurate, James was already awake; I flailed myself awake out of fear as a huge thunderclap echoed above the house. He patted me on the shoulder to reassure me, since I was in a panic. After I stammered some “Ohmahgod, ohmah, ohsolouds” out, he said, “Do you know what these storms make me think of?” And in my bleary brain, I couldn’t think of anything, so I grunted some sort of “no”, and he (rather excitedly) said, “NITROGEN CYCLE!”

I burst out laughing. And said something to the effect of, had you asked me to list FIFTY things, I would never have arrived at that. So there you have it. Lightning returns Nitrogen to the earth, and it’s a good thing, and it’s why everything is so green after a mongo thunderstorm.

Now let’s move on to the neighbors, and how science meets them. Two Fridays ago, our neighbor left their dog out in the yard, all night long. (Can you hear Lionel Richie singing? I can. All niiiight, all niiiiight.) And what did their dog do? He barked. All night long (all niiiiight, all niiiiight.) We both hardly slept, and it was dreadful. Needless to say, no dancin’ on the ceilin’. So JWo got a Super Bark Free on eBay, and admittedly, I was skeptical, because “Ultrasonic” could very well mean “Ha Ha You Stupid, You Buy Anything, Including This Plastic Box Shaped Like Horn”. (Oh, in searching for the one we got, I found this awesome photo, NOT of the one we got, but I love it. This model turns ferocious, wicious dobermans into happy little pets that won’t bite your face off!)

Anyway, it arrived this weekend, and it has two options – you can select “ultrasonic” or “beep”. Judging from the reaction of our dogs, the beep definitely was effective – they all hunched down and looked very worried. But how do you know for sure if the ultrasonic setting is working? Well, it was as though Science was on our side. James got it set up, pointing right at the area between our houses where this dog likes to sit and bark? And as he started to walk away, their dog came running up to the fence, and got out one huge bark, and then hunched down and was silent. SWEETNESS! And no more ruined nights of sleep. God bless the Super Bark Stop and the Ultrasonic Waves.

Now, there’s one other neighbor story – the wack lady across the street, remember her? Crazy cat lady, got the hose-turned-on-her lady, came over in the middle of the night for James to dial 911? (She CRAZY.) Anyway, she now seems to have two men living with her. And their form of entertainment is to open up the trunk of the sedan, and sit in white plastic lawn chairs while staring at the car. Not really sure what that’s all about? But I really don’t want to pause and invite any conversation. I can’t tell if ultrasonic sound waves would work on them, but I doubt it, since they all seem to be under the influence of something, all the time. Guess that leaves us with the hose. Or me emitting a really high-pitched beep if they approach me.

It might go something like, “SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

OK, between the astronomical amounts of pollen in the air, and the spectacularly loud hailstorm/thunderstorm/lightening storm last night, I am starting to feel a little mad. Not as in angry, but mad as in “going straight off my rocker and into the deep end of the pool.”

I even had to get up mid-storm & put on an eye mask, that’s how bright the storm got. Made things glow red behind my tightly shut lids, and I was raspy-snore-breathing because all of my sinuses and eyes felt like they’d been injected with some sort of Hollywood starlet puffy-making thing that would normally go in your lips to plump them, but instead, wound up in the wrong spots. Painful, irritating, sleep-depriving stuff. Oh, and I’m still gimping a bit. Yay! I’m definitely sore and all the rest of the atypically-used muscles are PISSED they have to step up and do more than usual.

Let’s see. So. I’m just going to wing the rest of the day. I’m as about as reliable and even-tempered as a hungry, angry goat, which is probably a good indication that Popcorn Does Not A Lunch Make, and I need to get on the stick and get some stuff done tonight. This? This is the worst blog entry ever. Just to make it a skosh better, and to let you see the side of me that loves to post over on Lazy Stupid & Godless (on Ravelry, where we are neither Lazy, nor Stupid, but some are, surely, Godless): I did post something yesterday about the big drama with the FLDS in Texas – and while many were getting a bit wound up about the abuse, and the wrongness of it all, and don’t get me wrong, I agree, I just wanted to make one salient point. Couldn’t they spring for another dress pattern? For the love of their holy underwear, could we get another style or two into the rotation?

I’m done. Fried, toasted, and fricasseed. My apologies to the chef & the readers.

No, but I did fall down again.

Yep.

Fell down again. So we had the first incident on Tuesday evening. Then, on Thursday evening, I let the (very soaking wet) dogs in, and while they danced off their muddy paws in the entryway, they still carried some drippage in on their coats. (This is foreshadowing!) I was sitting down to eat some stir-fry & realized I’d forgotten to put the little packet of cashews on top, and who doesn’t love a nice cashew crunch, well, if you’re allergic maybe, but I’m not, so I toodle back in to the kitchen & cut the top off the package & stump my way back. Wearing Crocs. (Have you worn Crocs? So comfy. But sadly, the equivalent of ice skates when worn on wet tile.) I hit a wet tile – with my good left foot. Which went shooting out to the side. Leaving me to balance on the bad foot, and I’d :just: taken the splint off to air my ankle out. It was like the Balance Gnomes freaked out, and all the other gnomes just looked at ’em like, “Dudes. You crazy.” I didn’t even bother to fight this fall. I went straight down (face first!) and caught myself with my knees (ow) and my palms (ow, ow.) And spilled a few cashews, too. So now I’m flat out, face down (prone) (opposed to supine, which is flat out face up), with the wind almost knocked out of me, and I’m surrounded by wet smelly dogs eagerly trying to find every nut that was knocked loose.

Fighting the fall is where more injury happens, I do believe. The fact that I realized in that split second that there was nothing my bad foot could do but get hurt more, probably worked in my favor. I did, however, bruise my ribcage sufficiently – every laugh for a couple of days came with a wince & a twinge. I still get worn out from the gimping, because I’m using all sorts of new muscles to compensate for the sprain, but it’s nice to be on the mend, and not have any bones protruding through my skin. It’s important to always be grateful, peeps.

I’m happy to report that this blogger has been accident-free for 3.5 days! Woo hoo! However, hard hats & knee pads are strongly encouraged.

Oh, and ETA: P.S., No earthquake jokes, dudes. I may have created some movement on my own Richter scale, but I’m too far away from the epicenter to be the cause. Bitches. Beat you to it!