Month: May 2005 (Page 4 of 4)

“Sorry about your sweet little pumpkin”, and “Sympathy pumkin. Sorry about our pumkin. I know your sad but know its in heaven playing with its friends” sic 

“Sorry”, “Loving Memory”, “Sorry you lost your prize possession” 

“I’m sorry about your pumpkin. Death will come and death will go. You can always try again. Again I am sorry about your loss. I know how it feels to lose your loved one.” 

If Patternworks was the cocaine equivalent of yarn in the 90’s, then Knit Picks is the crack of our current era. DAMN THEM for creating even MORE new lines of yarns, and making them beautiful, and making them affordable! DAMN DAMN DAMN! Our needles are healthier than heroin, but all the same, there’s something to be said for a knitting addiction and deluding oneself into buying more yarn than can be knit in a lifetime. No, JWo, I didn’t buy any (I’ll wait and just get some sock yarn when our knitting group places an order…lol) because I am still reveling in my acquisition of a Habu linen-paper-silk purse kit that is going to cycle in to the WIP’s. (Works In Progress) And I’m making good progress on my pale blue “Pasta” ribbon lace jacket, the yarn is stretchy & pretty and soft, and I think it will be a fun summer topper. I also want to wind up my Noro I bought last year & make another Flyaway Free Jacket. Sigh. The list just goes on and on.

I leave you with K’s Choice. It’s the song I hear playing in my head as I look at new sock yarn.

Not An Addict
Breathe it in and breathe it out
And pass it on, it’s almost out
We’re so creative, so much more
We’re high above but on the floor

It’s not a habit, it’s cool, I feel alive
If you don’t have it you’re on the other side……

When I filled out my personality profile for college, one of the questions was, “Are you a morning or night person?”
I decided to ask my parents, and they both erupted in laughter. My mother said, while gasping, “Morning? Night? You’re neither!”

Well, piss off, that doesn’t help me guarantee I’ll get a roommate who will be my best friend forever and make my first year at college the greatest ever! Maybe I sleep all the time to escape you nutjobs who don’t understand me. I think I checked “morning”, even though I desperately wanted to be a night person. Night people seemed much cooler from my home in the middle of nowhere without television. Night people surely partied, while morning people were dairy farmers and never left Iowa, ever.

Now, at the ripe age of 36, I still don’t have it figured out. I’ve been both in my life – in college I hardly slept the first year, what with all the new experiences and PARTIES, but I still got up early every day, even if I was hungover. I probably lean towards being a night person because, hey, once you’re up, it’s easier to stay up than GET up. If you just push through that first round of sleepy, you can catch the second wind and stay up til, oh, 1 a.m. – but heaven help you on the flip side the next day. I have a greater appreciation of sleep with everything JWo went through with his sleep apnea. I also have had several bouts of insomnia, which left me feeling quite manic, jittery, and not really a safe driver. I keep thinking I’ll pull it off, become something of a morning person again, get up & work out, have breakfast, read the whole paper, and still slide in to work on time. Hope springs eternal and self-delusion is a wonderful thing. :grins:

Oh, my roommate in college? Heh. We were pretty good friends but haven’t kept up with each other. She started things off by locking me out of our room the first night because she brought a boy back to our room, and after she promised to be out in ten minutes, I went & sat on the steps of our dorm, looking out into the night, thinking, “Boy, I sure hope this doesn’t happen every night,” and ten minutes lasted into twenty and then I marched back to our door and demanded she finish the hell up and let me in. Damned if I would spend my first night at college in the lounge on the couch! Man, she’s at least one or three blog entries….

I leave you with my ode to sleeping in on Saturday morning: There is nothing greater than being able to sleep, uninterrupted by an alarm, or internal alarms ringing wildly about all the stuff you have to do. To wake up at 7 a.m., yawn, stretch, and then snuggle back into the warmth of bed and sleep until you are fully rested? Bliss. Pure as snow.

I’d never heard that phrase before, but it is astonishingly succinct & captures what is wrong with oh, a gajillion people in management out there. In her regular column in the Sunday KC Star, Dianne Stafford wrote all about John Bolton, here. (Apologies in advance, you have to register to read it.) Apparently this dude was a nightmare boss to everyone under him, but was exceptional at kissing ass and so has risen up through the political world, and thus the phrase, “kiss up & kick down”. And to explain my reading habits, I make it a point to read the employment section, even since getting my new job, because I always think it’s interesting to see what activity is happening in the market, and the articles on the front section are worthwhile.

So, I was struck by the phrase, “kiss up & kick down” – universally, we’ve all known a manager/boss who does just that – treats the people below them with disrespect & disdain, while solidly sucking up to the political stratosphere floating above their level. I’ve known a lot of people like this, some have been my bosses, and I’ll admit I’ve been political myself, and done some level of sucking-up, because I guess I’ve concluded that it’s part of business. But I have never kicked down. I take it back. I did it once, in St. Louis, because I had an assistant (pre-dovetail boy) who was insolent and demanding, and she pissed me off. In her review, we had a come-to-jesus of sorts, and I learned just as much as she did – for she said to me, “You never thank me and you never appreciate the work I do.” And I said, before thinking, “Well, I don’t get thanks or appreciation from anyone, so….” and then I heard what I said. Huh. I guess the buck CAN stop with me, and I interrupted myself by continuing, “And I guess what that means is just because I’m not getting it, doesn’t mean I can’t give it, and so I will try to do that more for you.” Our working relationship improved over time, and while we still never saw eye-to-eye on things (she was the one who believed Richards Simmons was NOT GAY), I still look at that supervisory experience as the one that taught me the most, because she was so difficult, and she was so direct.

So as I reflect on the bosses I’ve had, the bosses I have now, and the boss I want to be, I think of some of the conversations I’ve had of late with friends, about the battles they have at their current jobs, along with the giant battle I waged for two years that essentially got me nowhere towards attaining change, except to have learned more about another venue of my business (knowledge that, I admit, is necessary for my current job!) So I can’t say the last two years were a waste of time – but the direction I expended energy, and the anger I held so tightly was a waste.

My problem is twofold: I want work to be about the work. Not about someone’s ego, or somebody’s need to create an award-winning television spot, even if the money to buy the airtime isn’t there, not about doing everything the way it’s always been done, not about being afraid of new ideas. I want work to be about doing the best damned job you can, and even though what we do is harder to define, in the end, it’s just like cleaning the bathroom sink: you scrub it and clean it and you don’t leave toothpaste behind and call it “artistic” or worse, tell me you don’t clean sinks because you’ve been with the company for 25 years and doing any kind of work is beneath you now. My other problem is that I care too much about things being “right”. I want the little people to get their cake. I get angry when they’re denied tap water and a cracker. I run headlong at brick walls, because I believe so strongly in the average worker, I think my force of will has the power to break the wall down and make the world a better place. I have the arrogance to think I’m a better manager than most of the people who’ve ever managed me, and I’m smart enough to know that arrogance is not a good quality. I basically never want to become those bosses I abhored. I’ve never seen the movie “Norma Rae” but sometimes I feel like the main character in that movie, because I wanted to start a revolution at my last job. Hey, my dad tried to start a union in Colorado when I was a baby, and that action got my mom & him fired from their social worker jobs…..so I guess I come by it fair & square. And I almost got myself fired in my crusade, and then I tried to keep my mouth shut as long as I could, because, like, you can’t make a mortgage payment with a passionate desire for justice and a strong sense of ethics. But now that I’m not there? I realize I’ve still got a pile o’ bottled anger to get rid of, and I’m working through it. I don’t want to still be bitter in two years, I want to be able to laugh about it. Right now, I can laugh, but not without feeling that burn in my stomach at the same time.

Here’s to kicking up and kissing down. I still believe you can save the world, one person at a time – starting with yourself.

Extremely late Self Portrait. I took it on Thursday in my office. Feel like spelunking in my nose? 

The mishmash that is me, as illustrated by my desk: trout can holder for the Diet Coke; spiffy new pale lime green business card holder from Target.