Month: April 2006 (Page 3 of 3)

So, yesterday, the infernal construction of the Bob Mahal was going on, and they decided to blast. I loved the idea of blasting, because we weren’t supposed to hear anything & it was supposed to be 800 times better than this goddamn HO-RAM that goes DuDuDuDuDuDuDuDuDu nonstop throughout the day. As Kristin said, it’s like being in a washing machine.

Well, something went wrong with the blasting. First of all, I did not even understand what was happening, and thought some large piece of moving equipment had HIT our building, and I kept staring at the walls waiting to see if they were going to crumble around me or not. Everything SHOOK. And the noise. An explosion! People with offices on the south side of our building had rocks hit their windows. I don’t think I’m overstating the general feeling when I say everyone was “freaked the fuck out”. An employee of the restaurant around the corner was outside when it happened, and she was hit in the face by a rock. (She was ok, overall. Cut, bleeding, but minor injuries. Apparently she was swearing a blue streak at well-meaning people who kept asking her name. “I’m not telling you my name. Get the fuck away from me!”) So, now we’re back to the HO-RAM. We’re going to have 8 of them by the end of summer. I’m sure it’s spelled HoeRam, but fuck that, it’s a HO and I hate it. I’d rather try the blasting again (the right way, not the “Beruit Way”) but that’s not going to happen, because people are going to sue, blah blah blah. I’m about ready to lodge an emotional stress complaint for the HO RAM though.

Perhaps the owner of this construction project should give us complimentary, weekly massages until the HO stops Ho-ing? I think that sounds splendid.

I have “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” stuck in my head today. And I’m sportin’ a horrid sunburn on half my neck. That’s damn sexy, let me tell you. Hi! I’m red! I’m white! I’m a Michael Jackson video, morphing before your eyes!

We may not have a very winning team, but we do have a gorgeous ballpark:

Fireworks:

And, what isn’t more all-American than a flyover by the Stealth Bomber? Holy crap.

Of course, you can’t hear it until after it’s already gone & it was a ROAR. I put my camera down so I could look up as it went directly overhead, and you could see all the metal panels on the underside, it was THAT close. Amazing technology, scary as hell. I think everyone in our group was impressed & amazed.

The rest of the game was freezing cold, because our seats weren’t in the sun, and several sections over, a woman got arrested, one section over, a woman fell down the stairs, and at the end of the day, the Royals lost. All-in-all, it made me sentimental for my days in Minneapolis, when the Twins were so good, they’d selectively walk players, as we screamed and booed. It’s unfortunate we don’t keep the good players (they get snatched by teams with more money) and yesterday, the stands were as full as they’ll be for the season. And I don’t think any sort of roof (we have a vote on that today – a gigantic expensive rolling roof for both stadiums) is going to fix what’s wrong with the Royals. Better to plow that money into the team.

I absolutely love this picture of Suzy. Both the dogs got baths on Saturday, given what a gorgeous, sunny warm day it was. As you can imagine, I also got a bath, but more by proximity. Polly’s the worst, because she hasn’t figured out yet that the more she fights it, the longer it takes. Suzy, being older & wiser, is much calmer & suffers through with enormous dignity, looking at you the entire time with her giant brown eyes, asking, “Why? WHY?”

Polly, post-bathing:

Our agency’s off to the Royals home opener today, it should be fun! (I like any Monday that is a half-day!) I’m taking some sock knitting, though, you can’t make me sit for that long without yarn…..

Given how many pranks I’ve played in my life – too many to count – I’ve always thought today would have been a fitting birthday for me. In fact, it’s a blog bud’s, Becky’s, so pop over & say Happy Day in her comments if you have the chance.

Meanwhile, one of my favorite pranks.

I was dating this guy waaaay back when I lived in Minneapolis. He started buying all this high-end gym-quality equipment. And put it in the living room. It was a good look, if you were going for a gym-theme in the home. She says sarcastically. One day we were looking at it, and I was snorting about how homey it was, and he said, “I wish there was something I could buy to put it on that I could move it all into the corner out of the way.”

Oh, yes. See, to a prankster, expressing a wish is like giving me a key. To the kingdom! So the next week, I wrote this little script, and had a guy at work call & leave it on his answering machine. It went something like this: “Hi, this is Tom from USA Gym, and we were going through our records & saw you’d recently purchased several large pieces of equipment. We wanted to tell you about this great new item we’ve just gotten in, called ‘Space Savers’. Space Savers are made of high-grade steel & raise your equipment 4″ to give you room on the floor, where you need it most. They’re sold in sets of four, and they’re $69.99. Give us a call if you’re interested.”

Hee hee hee. So I wait, until I know he’s gotten home, give him 20 minutes, and then call. “Hi! How are you?” Blah blah blah. He doesn’t say anything. I finally said, “So, did you get any interesting messages today?” “Nope.” Silence. “Nothing about say, some gym equipment?” “Uh, yeah, actually.” Big pause.

OK, this is when it all slid way the hell out of control. Turns out, he BARELY listened to the details of the message, but heard the magic words “Space Savers” and immediately called USA Gym. Where he eventually got sent to the manager, who got out his catalog to start trying to find these things. (“They’re called WHAT? Space Savers? I’ve never heard of them.”) As he was paging through it, he asked who had called & left the message. “Tom.” “Well, what the hell is Tom doing calling you? He drives the truck! He’s not allowed to be selling things on the side to customers!” Oh shit. “What were they called? Space Savers? I’m going to have to call you back.”

Hi, now I’m getting poor schlump Tom fired from his job for selling FOUR INCH CASTERS on the side. I said, “Didn’t you LISTEN? They only raise the equipment UP four INCHES! They don’t do you any good! And they don’t exist!”

“I gotta call this guy back before he fires Tom. I’ll call you later.”

Yeah, it’s not really surprising that relationship was not destined to last. But he did laugh about it, and Tom didn’t get fired.

If that’s not enough to make you worried about hanging out with me, go ahead & read the one I posted , last year.