Month: May 2009

Kismet Humor

May 28, 2009 / PlazaJen

I met a sales rep last week who was, without a doubt, one of the funniest people I’ve met in a really long time. She not only got me with a good zinger, she caught my nan0-second intake of breath and eyes widening as I thought I’d skated too close to offending her. I have a lot of admiration for a quick wit. We’re now friends on Facebook, which with my security settings is saying something.

And I appreciate a good prank. I found out yesterday that one of my co-workers played quite the joke on the account team a few weeks ago, in the rental car. Apparently they got some ginormous Lincoln Town Car, and discovered, much to his delight, that the controls for the FRONT SEATS were in the middle armrest of the BACK SEAT. (This makes no sense. Whatsoever.)

So for two days, he would randomly adjust their seats while they were driving. (not the safest, no, but I don’t think he put anyone into a full-on recline, either.) I think the account people were ready to demand a refund by the time they had to turn the car back in, but that’s when he finally told them what he’d been doing. Now, I have to admire letting it go that long. At some point, I would have been laughing so hard it would have been readily apparent something was up. Whenever I think about this (and imagine the exasperation with the perceived situation), I get the high-pitched giggles. Reminds me of when I was walking out towards the garden & realized my mother hadn’t noticed me, so I ducked behind a large bush & started kinking and un-kinking the hose she was using to water with. Random timing, full-on kink with no water, semi-kink with a trickle, then feel the frustrated tug as I heard her bitching as she yanked on the hose (like it had suddenly gotten bent around something), then the happy sigh of relief as she muttered ‘Oh, good,” or something similar as I let it run full blast again…. only to have it shut off completely once more.

It’s a good thing we didn’t have that Lincoln Town Car when I was a kid.

Random Orts!

May 25, 2009 / PlazaJen

It’s been a while. Yup. That whole ‘life’ thing gets in the way of blogging sometimes. Here’s the latest!

1. I spent a good chunk of my day on Friday in doctor’s offices. Basically the annual tune-up. Everything went well, all’s good – last month I felt a small lump/bump something-or-other and knew I had to get my appointment made for the now-annual mammo. Turns out, it doesn’t even register on a sonogram, so it’s just something to be mindful of and not worry about. Oddly enough, I spend so much of my energy worrying about crazy things, this incident didn’t worry me at all, up until the x-ray tech was on the phone to my doctor getting orders for additional tests. However, I was impressed with their efficiency and springing into action; in retrospect, wouldn’t want it any other way.

2. We are going on VACATION. Remember last year? We bought a $100 pool and had ourselves a staycation. Now everywhere you turn, you see something about staying home and building your own vacation. Whatev! Staycations are so last year. ;) Don’t get me wrong – blender drinks in the pool was lovely. And we’ll do it again this year. But some of those pool drinks are going to be consumed in CANCUN. We’ve also booked two fishing trips while we’re down there – one’s at night! The resort we’re staying at looks lovely, and I’d been saving my airline miles for…wow, 12 years. So those helped a bunch. Now to count the days until we go. Oh, and the best part of this is that my doctor had asked if I’d taken a vacation or had plans to – I told her we really hadn’t gone anywhere since we got married, and that I was wanting to go to Mexico (not afraid of H1N1), and she adamantly ordered me to GO on vacation, go to Cabo, or Cancun, just stay away from Mexico City and enjoy myself. So, Doctor’s Orders!

3. Work continues to be busy. We’ve had a few days of relative calm, but mostly it’s just all-out flying through the day. Home is busy, too – James has really put a ton of effort and time into the garden, and it looks awesome. He’s got 55 tomato plants a-growin’, so we shall not want for ‘maters later on! And peppers and eggplant and okra and beans and snap peas, plus we have lettuce and radishes and green onions and spinach right now. He’s definitely taken the garden to the next level this year!

4. So if you’re a knitter, or crocheter, or spinner, then you most likely know about Ravelry. I’d say that most places that have large gatherings of fiber-holics end up with most people referring to their “Rav Name” or even adding it to their nametag. Not a crazy thing or out of the ordinary. But there are some people who’ve been banned or kicked off the site, and let me tell you, there’s always one with an axe to grind! At the Fling, one lady went OFF on another knitter who’d just put her Ravname on her name tag. “This isn’t a Ravelry-sponsored event. What are you trying to be, exclusive?” (It went on for several awkward minutes.) She was such a pill, and so mean about it, that those of us around her thought she was joking at first. After all, it’s not like Ravelry is some sort of niche offshoot group, in fact, it’s been a uniting force. This lady ended up driving a couple friends of mine into a small ante-room to escape her, she was so angry and rude. I think that’s the kicker with any sort of group – even political – how you can be united in one direction or passion, and then you turn around and there’s somebody wearing a plushie suit with a confederate flag on the back, ready to pray for your sins and damn you for eating red meat. Or, just someone who loves a lotta fun fur.

5. Speaking of knitting, I’m flying along on a baby gift – the Moderene Baby Blanket (RavLink – yep, that’s me being exclusive!), which I’m making out of Dark Horse from the Studio – it’s so soft, and not acrylic-y at all. I love the color ranges, too. Oh yeah, pictures. At some point. :) BUT! I do have a picture of a stealth project a whole bunch of Spring Flingers worked on – I’ll explain more, but we had nearly 50 knitters contribute tiny knitted hearts to someone who needed some extra love. Pretty cool, and a great reminder that even though there may be bad apples here and there, the majority of folks are really good people.

OK, it’s been a lazy Holiday Monday! Hope everyone had good weekends, spent at least some time this weekend remembering why it’s a holiday, and goes back to work refreshed & rejuvenated. That’s my goal, anyway. Oh, and yeah, check yer boobies. It’s important!

Happy Ten Years!

May 15, 2009 / PlazaJen

Ten years ago I met this guy named James for coffee at Broadway Cafe – my standard internet-dating vetting venue – and I think it’s working out. Since today’s our six-year wedding anniversary! Wahoo!

Since then, we’ve amassed a lot of memories and references that only best friends can have with each other. Laughter and music are the core threads that glide us through, and when all else fails, we have three goofy ass dogs who are always good for comic relief. I love the family we’ve become.

To quote Freddy Mercury (and what good marriage doesn’t include a dead gay rock-n-roll idol’s wisdom? NONE I tell you. ),

Ooh you’re the best friend that I ever had
I’ve been with you such a long time
You’re my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh you’re my best friend

Here’s to the next ten, my friend. Love you to the moon and back.

The Dogs of Bagfood Town

May 12, 2009 / PlazaJen

Last week, I pretty much lost my mind. I got really overwhelmed with work, and was so immersed that some of the simpler things in life became difficult to execute. For instance, I went to pick up some Thai food at lunch, had my wallet out, and after signing the slip, I just grabbed the food & kept my wallet in my hand and walked up the stairs towards the door. Except I stopped, because people were calling my name, seeing how I’d left my purse on the counter. Yup. Sure, I’d have figured it out when I got to the car, since cars require keys and all, but normally, I’m not that absent-minded/spaced out.

Of course, that same morning, I picked up the aerosol deodorant can – that happened to be sitting right next to the can of aerosol hairspray – and proceeded to give my hair a nice big squirt of deodorant. And that night, I asked my husband to empty the dogs of bag food into the container. He asked me to repeat myself, and once more, I said I didn’t want to lift the dogs of bag food, and until he said it back to me (with a pregnant pause!) did I realize my mix-up.

I allowed my inner hypochondriac five minutes to indulge in the terror of a brain tumor and have since moved on, distinguishing between hairspray and deodorant and retrieving my purse when I set it down. But things still feel a bit thick and fuzzy around the edges, like my brain is fifty feet above my body & not always fully attached. Racing, thinking, planning, making lists. Part of me just wants to take a nap until mid-June, the dates and anniversaries loom on the horizon, father stuff, work deadlines, all of it. But as well-rested as I’d be, I need to go through it all, for that which does not kill us makes us stronger, and I’m still laughing and telling stories about crazy people who love to hate or who got drunk at lunch and stole a pitcher of margaritas and burst into a client meeting to offer everyone a cocktail or just making fun of myself.

So much fodder. So little time.

May 6, 2009 / PlazaJen

Did you know you can’t buy the green sauce in a 12 oz bottle, like the one you might use at Chipotle? This made me irritated. I do not like things that I love available only to the food service industry. So, like much of my life, I found what we call a “work-around”:

Mmmm. That’s a whole gallon of green Tabasco. Screw you, tiny-5-ounce-bottle-available-at-Price-Chopper.

Also, for those who like to do cost analysis? It would require purchasing 25 5-oz bottles to come close in volume…. let me illustrate, starting with a gallon=128 ozs, god why do we not use the metric system?

$3.99 (small bottle cost on website) divided by 5 = Cost per ounce = $0.798

128 times $0.798 = $102.14

My cost to ship a gallon was just under $50.

You can get yours straight from the source, too. It’s all I can do not to drink it by the shot.

Miniature Bottle Collectors, Prostitots, and Knitters.

May 5, 2009 / PlazaJen

It’s interesting to stay in a large hotel that caters to groups. Long, long ago, when I first started in advertising, I became aware of a whole universe of magazines that cater to what we call “vertical niche markets”. No, not those markets. Magazines like, “Spudman”, or “The Gobbler” – designed to communicate pertinent information to someone growing potatoes, or raising turkeys. There is absolutely something for everyone, and the internet only proves that more and more.

Hobbies have their own idiosyncracies. For instance, the very same weekend 100 devoted knitters descended on St. Charles, so did a group of international miniature bottle collectors. And kiddie pageant-goers. Now, I was intrigued by the little bottles – at first confusing the gathering with an opportunity to buy wee bottles of alcohol, but all their little rows of colored bottles, with unique stoppers and corks – it was a whole subculture devoted to their hobby. The other one? Dubbed “the prostitots” by those who had been there last year, I have to admit, it was disconcerting and a bit sickening, seeing the made-up face and hair of a 20-year-old woman wobbling above the body of a 7-year-old. I just don’t get it. Fortunately, most of those families were in the other hotel, so the cross-pollination was limited. Oh, and there was also a marching band there, and a few wedding/bachelor/bachelorette parties. One of my weekend highlights came on the last day in the hotel, as I urged my fellow knitters to look to my left, so they could see the five-foot-tall inflatable penis passing through the lobby. (Next favorite highlight? My roommate Pat chirping, “I rode down the elevator with it! I’ve never seen one with a smiley face before!”)

I had a fantastic time. I took two sock-design classes, one with Cookie A. and the other with Wendy, of WendyKnits. I made new friends, connected the dots between Plurk and Ravelry friends to their real-live faces and voices, and got to shop at The Loopy Ewe. I drank margaritas made with Herradura, and snagged some Ted Drewes from the snack station. (They really spoiled us with the snacks. Ooof.) And then I returned to reality, and the re-entry into the atmosphere was tough. I’ve been slammed at work (thus no blog) and some of my mojo is missing. It’s like I’ve got a knitting-weekend hangover. A YarnOver, as it were. I’ve still got to organize and put descriptions on my photos, but I’ll give you the few I’ve done thus far….

Me with Wendy. She is a blast, and it was great to meet after all that Plurking:

My roomie Pat. She rocks. She also now goes by Ricia. Ricia rocks, too.

Karen (I love this picture because not only do I adore Karen, it’s like she’s posing for this very beatific book cover, and I’m crowding in, ruining the shot. True to form, of course.)

Kym (her husband joined us for dinners, and I adore him, too. They need to come visit us because JWo and Chuck would hit it off like nobody’s business.)

Lori – I so wish I’d known her when I lived in St. Louis. Like-minded and boy howdy, could the two of us cook up some trouble together.

Helena – what a fascinating life she’s had. After traveling the world with the Foreign Services department, she just wants to retire and settle down in Wisconsin. I also was witness to her first-ever shot of tequila (Patron, of course! Would I steer a gal wrong?)

And then there was a little bit of Loopy Ewe shopping….

Duet sock yarn in Pickled Peck, YoYo CashSport in Hulk Smash, Scarlet Fleece in Poodle Skirt, and the miniature sock blocker peacock. WITH the gifted bag from Keri, 3AM Enchantments!

Keri is such a sweetheart, a couple months ago she emailed me about finding some skull beads. There’s nothing I enjoy more than a good online digging detective project (zombies!), and she was so happy with the results, she made me a project bag! Knitters are the awesomest. And I finally met Ms. YoYo (Alyson) and her hubby Travis. Stupidly, we didn’t take a picture together, but I have this one of her hanging out with Cookie:

…and then we were spoiled with some Spring Fling swag….

Namaste Knitube bag, Loopy Ewe mug, Schaeffer Nichole yarn, WendyKnits pattern, Laura Nelkin pattern, temporary tattoos & Loopy Ewe pin.

That’s all I can muster for one post – of course, there are more stories (Trader Joe’s shopping!) (one cah-razay lady who had the hugest chip on her shoulder about Ravelry!) but that’s gonna have to wait! Howdy to all my new pals, and I really understand why you start waiting for next year the day you leave.