him: “If you were a bear, what kind would you be?”

me, without hesitation: “Kodiak.”

him: “Holy shit!”

me: “What the fuck, you wanted me to say something cutesy like ‘panda bear’? After the week I’ve had, I’m ready to kill every camper in a 100-mile radius of me.”

pause

me: “So. What kind would YOU be?”

him: “Polar bear.”

me: “Why, because it’s cold?”

him: “That and they’re kinda mellow, they hang out….. y’know.”

me: “They can be just as violent as a Kodiak bear. I mean, I could be a polar bear, too, but right now, I’m just really feeling the Kodiak.”

I’d say that’s a good way to sum up Unemployment, Week One. Kodiak Bear.