No, I’m not talking about Crazy Cat Lady, though she had her own personal festival of lights last week, courtesy of the emergency-service vehicles lined up in front of her house. I’m just feeling very…. Mr. Rogers. Won’t you come in? I should put on a cardigan. (Actually, I really should, I’m kinda cold.)
Starting off 2011 very differently than I started 2010. For one thing, I’m unemployed again, as my part-time employer unceremoniously gave me the boot the day after Christmas weekend. Of course, I could have been surprised, but when you advertise for a junior buyer on internal job boards at a local agency, I’m connected enough to find out within fifteen minutes. (That happened on Dec 1, ironically, my one-year anniversary there.) I was given a nice platter of prevarications. I tried to accept them at face value, but, frankly, there had been enough lies before that point (nothing like having to keep from the client you’re only part-time and they’ve been told you’re full time) to know that it was time for something new, shiny and distracting to take my place. I got in touch with one of my co-workers, and let him know what was going on – and warned him some of the things I’d seen and heard might mean he was next. Sure enough, he came back from vacation and got axed today. I told him when he called to just keep feeling the relief, of not having to sustain the impossible anymore.
So what does that mean for me? Well, I have some opportunities for freelancing, and I’ll certainly be pursuing them as much as I can. I’ll have unemployment for when that’s not active, and I’ll keep my health insurance current. I think what I learned from the last go-round is that when you feel like you’re losing your integrity, just by walking through a door, you may be losing a salary, but you’re starting the process of regaining so much more. I also learned that as much as I worried and fretted and stressed, it didn’t make one bit of difference. I feel a strange sense of calm, and assuredness, that is really rather surprising. I have great friends in the community, former colleagues, vendors and clients. And as my father said in the worst of times, it will all be ok. I’m glad I don’t own a business that is hemorrhaging money and worrying about if I’ll make payroll and what happens if one client leaves, will it all go under. One of these days, I’m going to write down all the sordid stories, and they will astonish you, children, they really will. The advertising biz tends to look a lot more Gordon Gecko and not so much Melrose Place. (I remember my father asking me, “This business? Does it have any NICE people in it? It doesn’t seem like it does.” Yes, dad, plenty of nice people. Just not the most honorable, as some are merely glorified con artists.)
I may need to take up violin lessons, though, all my appointments for fiddling when Rome burns and whatnot. Heh.
Well, that’s all for today, kids. I’m going to enjoy my zen, while others chug the Maalox. It’s a new year, and I just have a feeling, it’s going to be one of my best.
xo
jen
((((((Jen)))))) <<– those are hugs!!
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It’s a new year, and I just have a feeling, it’s going to be one of my best.
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Yeah, absolutely, you've got THE BEST coming to you!!
That sense of calm that you feel … when you realize that you don't have to prostitute yourself for a paycheck … when you realize that you're BETTER when you don't try to make yourself fit into dysfunctional work environments (there are a LOT of them out there, believe me) … when you realize that you REALLY WILL BE OK.
Not working in a hell hole anymore is the best gift you could have given yourself. Pretty darn good way to start a new year, too.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, Jen!!
Barb
Love!
I have the same sense of “it will all be okay” in my own life and have no idea why. It’s certainly not based on the reality of what I’m seeing at the moment, but it’s just a strong hunch – and like you, I follow those hunches. If you ever want to talk, knit or whatever, let me know.