Day: March 22, 2005

I like to categorize the different parts of me inside as being run by gnomes. It makes for a fun visualization, and well, I like gnomes. I have very stringent rules about gnomes, for example, their hats must be POINTY. They cannot be CHEERFUL or GAY in the CHEERFUL sense. What they do behind closed doors is their bidness. This does not mean they must have a dour look at all times, but the true gnomes have a seriousness about them, as serious as a 5th grader telling her science teacher, “Ex Post Facto, Mrs. Urlaub, you did NOT catch me with gum a third time, it’s only been two times since you made that new rule.”

Right now, the gnomes that run the Fun Center, which is where my emotions funnel through, and usually get some semblance of humor or at least a twinge of sarcasm, those gnomes seem to be pissed off and annoyed. They don’t fling Happy Powder into the Emotional Stream, as assigned. I imagine they’re just standing around, grumbling & grimacing, discussing the possibility of starting a GnomeUnion (the Gnomesters! Who will be their Jimmy Hoffa?). Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that I started the day filled with joyous hope and a newfound appreciation for Springtime, and now?

NOW?

NOW IT’S SNOWING.

All I can say is, “Goddamn.”
But you know what? I could be this lady with bad hair wearing a CAT SWEATER on The Wheel. So I can still find that shiny fucking silver lining. And my gnomes had better not unionize. I can plant more than tulip bulbs, y’hear? Y’HEAR?

So, my bunny pal Leah out in NY was quick-like-a-bunny and sent me a package HOPPITTY SPLIT, and made me promise not to open the box until my package to her went out. I finally got it mailed yesterday so, Leah, keep your eyes peeled & don’t let the dogs open it for you! :) I opened everything last night & got the CUTEST Easter stuff, I will take a pic tonight & post with more thank yous and adulations. Kudos to Tammy at polkadotmittens, too, for such a cute, clever exchange!

I have said earlier my fondness for Fall, rather than Spring. I love all the seasons, and I enjoy cooler weather more than hot, sticky, humid badness. But this Spring feels a little different. Maybe it’s seeing allllll the tulips I planted (with some hole-diggin’ help from my hubby) springing up through the mulch. Did you know I never really got to plant my own stuff as a kid? It was all things my parents wanted – I was the extra pair of hands. Maybe if I’d had my own garden, I would have learned this lesson a little quicker, about patience, and planting months out and how things spring up after snow and ice and rain to flourish and flower. Maybe it’s the promise of learning more about gardening & getting more pretty flowers in the ground this Spring, and anticipating all the bountiful goodness that comes out of my husband’s vegetable garden. I still marvel that plants actually grow from SEED. I guess I got too used to buying plants, already started for me!

Maybe it’s that there are many things growing, budding, brewing and that this Spring will contain new things, new changes, new growth. The one thing I did get from my mother that I’m proud to own is an undefeatable optimism, that manages to live deep inside me alongside the darker, sadder, more critical part of me. That optimistic part refuses to lose hope, not so much in things or situations or stupid stuff, because I recognize the limitations of what I can control or influence. That optimism refuses to lose hope in ME. I feel like the tulip bulb, spreading out my roots, and I can’t wait to burst forth in a glorious rage of color and shout out, “I AM HERE”. Good things happen, and hope springs eternal. I wish for all my friends, here & in blogworld, a change-filled spring that gives you growth, opportunity and a joy inside of you that illuminates and shines so the world can see how wonderful you really are.