Day: December 14, 2005

SOMEBODY’s lyin’ down on the job of Christmas this year. MIGHT be more than one somebody.

Sweet lord, it is a new still-life every time I drive by this house. A week ago, the snowman was threatening to fall over in the morning, and by nighttime, was bent forward in a deep side-bend-pilates kind of move. They got him back up again and the penguin went next, he seemed to be leaning way back for a while. Tonight, when I drove home, both Santa & Snowman were flat on their backs and I laughed so hard, I got my camera and went back out. I hope they didn’t notice the fact a flash was going off, repeatedly, at their front yard, and I thank them for the free therapy. For I have strong beliefs about how you should decorate for the holidays (I’m actually abstaining this year), but “tasteful” rules & trumps all notions of excess. Some basics? Pick a theme. A theme of ONE. White lights? Multi-lights? ONE. PICK ONE. You don’t need to fill every square inch of your lawn, one or two things is sufficient to indicate you are IN THE SPIRIT. That said, I do enjoy driving by insane set-ups, just as long as it’s not on my street.

So you can imagine how I reacted to THREE inflatables plus neon plus lights plus a flag plus window and door clings. No wonder Santa & Snowman are tired. I get overwhelmed just lookin’ at ’em. Good thing I don’t have to blow ’em. Up. UP! Stop it! BAH!

Well, seems like we started something with that post yesterday; phsymom asked in the comments if we knew people who stored OTHER stuff in their bras, beyond the errant bread crumb or salad shrimp.

I worked for a woman in Minneapolis who kept her cash tucked in her bra. She was interesting, her name was Pat, she was brusque, and she had a bob haircut & slavic features. Pat + Bob + Brusque = Manly! But she never wore pants, always dresses & suits. Anyway, she was a shorter version of Janet Reno without the glasses, and dressed as conservatively as ol’ Janet did. She had a suit-type dress in several bland colors that she just rotated, so it became a uniform of sorts. One of my co-workers enjoyed calling her Pat-iooooo furniture behind her back. Why, I’m not sure, but it was funny. My line for her was, “What’s got into that PAT?” I digress. Back to Bra Storage 101: it was always disconcerting when you’d go in her office, suggest we get bagels for the team meeting, and she’d agree, reach into her dress & whip a $20 out of her bra & hand it to you. There’s a reason it’s lovingly referred to as cold hard cash. Warm bills throw you off your game. You’d take the money, gingerly & hesitantly, and tell yourself you’d never become her.

Then, you do. It starts randomly & innocently… Every place I’ve worked seems to put the vending machines in close proximity to the bathrooms. Therefore, when you take a little bathroom break & decide to be efficient with your time – you bring a little cash along with you to get a soda or a candy bar. I can’t stand to set anything down in a restroom, so where do you put your dollar bill if you have no pockets? You tuck it into your bra strap and think, “I’ve become Pat.” Of course, I’m far more stylish and would never hand warm money to co-workers, but necessity is the mother of invention, and bras can provide short-term storage options (for things beyond your boobs)…. The bigger the bra, the bigger the real estate – and storage!