Riding the Bike with One Pedal.

Month: January 2010

Oof! Ice!

James and I had a hilarious conversation the other night which will probably lose oodles in the transcribing.

He was going to bed and was very tired; I was standing next to our bed, and saying goodnight. He said something about did I see that Kathy Bates was going to be on a tv show in the latest EWeekly? I said, Yes, I did see that, what show was it?

At this point, he’s got his bipap mask on so he’s really drowsy and doesn’t want to have a big conversation. I start guessing various shows we watch.

“Big Love?”

shakes his head ‘no’.

“24?” (no) “Big Bang Theory?” (no) “Nurse Jackie?”

He makes the sign for “OK” with his thumb and finger. Now we’re playing charades. OK! OK? Nurse Jackie? (no)

O? O? Zero? He’s nodding. Zero. Then he makes the sign again. O? Zero – O. Huh.

He’s moving on.

Draws letters in the air with his finger. Except the letters are right-ways from HIS perspective.

P? NO! F? Yes!

ZERO OF?! NO!

Somehow we get some more letters. an I. C. E.

He’s lifting his face mask to tell me this is easy. I am laughing so hard I can barely speak.

NCIS?

NO.

Ice. Zero O O O O F

Ice.

My sides hurt and tears are streaming down my face, as I lean against the bed in pain. I declare I cannot understand how we watch any show named Oof Ice.

Finally, exasperatedly, he tells me. The Office.

Oh, yeah. The Office! OofIce!

And then I made myself a small dish of Tin Roof Sundae Ice Cream and proceeded to collapse in laughter all over again. rrrrrrrrOofICECREAMSUNDAE!

We’re weird, but hey. Laughter is good!

Instead.

Today, my dad would have been 66 years old. By some measures, still young. I’ve dreamed of him a lot lately, but then last night’s dream also included my mother and Katie Horner, so I’m not spending a lot of time interpreting things…

I miss him. I think of him every day, and now, with this gift of time, I have more perspective, a better understanding of how you do continue to live when you lose someone you love. The first months, I was convinced that without grief, he would be gone. Somehow,  losing the daily sobbing would make him fade, disappear. Then in the next wave of months, it felt like I’d been sentenced to a lifetime of wearing fractured glasses. Impossible to see anything the way it used to be, frustrated that others were blithely continuing their own existences, angry that nobody understood and everyone wanted me to be Over It. Guess what? You don’t ever get Over It. You get Through It. And it ain’t easy.

Last night, as I waited for sleep to come (and bring me both my parents plus a local meteorologist), I thought of how the gaping chasm of grief has become a fissure of melancholy. Bittersweet and deep, but it is something to be acknowledged, even appreciated, not fallen into. Today, even now, as I give voice to these things, I will weep, because the sorrow never goes. But those days are not everyday anymore.  Instead, on the ‘regular’ days, I’ll smile, a melancholy or secret smile to myself, when I say something he would have said, or laughed at, or been angry about, or railed at the idiocy of, and we share this. Inside me. When he was alive, he was outside of me, and now in death, he is in my head and my heart. Instead of always mourning, I get to celebrate what we shared, what he taught me, the gifts he gave me.  I’m grateful for those who’ve walked this path before me, who shared their perspective and wisdom, because even though I didn’t necessarily absorb it at the time, I put it in my pockets, tucked it away, because I’m a gatherer and a collector, and I knew it would be good to have down the road. Time. How greatly we want it to stand still, to not have anything change, to stave off death, loss, sadness. Yet time is what gives us relief, peace, perspective and appreciation.

Instead of just mourning his memory today, I celebrate the man who gave me so much, and even in death, still laughs when I do.

My Brilliant Idea

I think with all the anger and discontent over all the banks that were bailed out and are now awarding 6-figure bonuses, there is a simple solution.

I think all those bankers should donate their bonuses to relief efforts in Haiti.

Instant redemption, and finally, money well-spent.

Tweet it. Blog it. Who knows. If we can raise nearly $5 million dollars in a few days, those fuckers should give until it hurts, and give some more until it stops hurting. Just think of the PR.

#BankBonusDollarsToHaiti

OH the other snow thing I forgot to mention.

We have GOT to get some parking guidelines established. That was another thing we had in Minneapolis – snow emergency got declared, and you were hustling to make sure your car was parked on the correct side of the street, because that’s how they got stuff plowed properly.  You can see how this works on their website. And I can hear the whining already. WAAAAH I don’t know what day of the Emergency we’re on WAAAAAH which day is odd?!WAAAAHHHH well, call the waaaahmbulance (you can probably meet Crazy Cat Lady, she’ll share a ride) because it works. And yeah, if you ignore it, you get a ticket & can even get towed. But the streets are driveable. And that makes it worth it!

It Will All Be OK

..Ok, Go.

PensiveGirl tweeted this earlier today. I’ve watched it several times, and it is just one of those fantastic visual-audio combos that makes your brain hum, your toes tap, and your soul soar. They took embedding down, so you can see the video on YouTube here.

The song is called “This Too Shall Pass.” When the words were sung – “Let it go… this too shall pass,” I felt tears in my eyes, because it’s so simple. We burrow and fret and worry and panic and stress and rail at the day and the day..passes. And it felt like advice I got a few years ago, advice I couldn’t believe or accept at the time, from my dying father trying to reassure me that in the end, it would all be ok. I love him every bit today as I did when he was alive. I marvel at that in part because I didn’t think it possible.

And I still marvel at the power in sound and words that can evoke such feeling. With a marching band to boot.

C’mon Blow Torch In The Sky!

I must confess, I’ve written probably 25 blog posts in my head about the weather, the snow, the snow removal, primarily the LACK of snow removal, my street, the ruts in my street, and other drivers. I will try to cull down the 1400 vitriolic things I want to say, and just leave it at some basics.

First off, snow removal is crucial. Yep, goin’ out on a big ol’ limb there, and taking the emotional risk to put it out there. I felt like all my years living here, brazenly not wearing a coat in December, scoffing at what others called “cold” has come back to bite me in the ass. However, temperatures and snow fall notwithstanding, Kansas City does a SUCK ASS job of removing snow, especially if it happens on a holiday. I don’t buy the whole “oooo these snowplows are too BIG to fit down your street, and oooo these snowplows were too SMALL to make a difference” argument. Whatevs. I don’t believe for a second that allllll the snowplows were out on Christmas Eve, clearing the way.

Let’s talk about the Ice Ruts on my street. When I was a kid, I had a book I loved, called “The Bingity-Bangity School Bus“. It was all about this beloved school bus that I presume had no shocks, and that sucker off-roaded and tossed the kids all around (in a faithful, loving manner) in ways that would garner lawsuits by the ream these days. In any event, that’s what it’s like to drive down my street. The ruts are icy, and then you have spots where the manhole covers have melted everything, creating wonderful drop-offs that wreak havoc on a vehicle’s suspension system. We never did get salt or sand that I can ascertain, so the melting & re-freezing has made everything extra-special slick in the mornings.

And people. Weaving in and out of traffic because you’re ‘brave’ and ‘in a hurry’ is a recipe for disaster. Last week I witnessed a Lexus darting in and out, only to gain three cars’ lengths at the light. Bravo, you stupid turd. Was it exhilarating? Did you get a real rush?? C’mon. You have to just accept that it is what it is. Find your Snow Zen. Drive slowly, leave loads of room between you & the car in front of you, use your low gears if you have them, let off the gas to begin slowing down, don’t just hit the brakes, and let off the gas if you find yourself sliding. I’ve had a couple friends who had mishaps because of the ice (or b/c another driver was rubbernecking a different accident), and it sucks.

But it’s starting to melt, and that, my friends, is what I have always maintained has been KC’s approach to snow. Meh, it’ll melt. Shrug. I know it’s generated business for insurance companies, collision repair shops and chiropractors, so one could even argue the lack of snow removal has been an economic stimulus effort!  (I DO have a new pair of snow boots because of all this!)

Oatmeal Rediscovered

I am pretty much done with those little pulverized packets of instant oatmeal. (Maybe in a pinch or crisis…) But people eat it because it’s quick, convenient, foolproof and it comes in a bunch of flavors.  And there’s lots of health benefits touted about oatmeal, so we all know it’s good for you, good for your heart and treating cholesterol, and yet if you’re like me, you think of home-cooked oatmeal as a gloppy sticky mass, made only slightly more palatable by a splash of milk and some brown sugar.

Then, on one of my social networks, I kept seeing chatter about “Baked Oatmeal”.  Reviewing several recipes, I decided to give it a whirl – following the recipe but throwing in some extras. This is the recipe I used (discussion on modifications shortly).  I skipped the raisins, threw in some pecans and dried cranberries, put it all in the oven, and waited. Lordy, friends, it only took one batch to make me an instant convert. This is definitely different from dry dusty packets, and it’s a step up from stovetop oatmeal.

Things to consider, starting with the oats. This recipe calls for the quick-cook oats, which will work, and will give you a very smooth-textured end result. That’s alright, but for my taste, I don’t want smooth, it reminds me too much of my lesser-ideal oatmeal dishes.  So I crank up the texture (and fiber)  and what I usually create a mixture of various oats: a cup or so of quick oats, a cup or so of Irish oatmeal/regular oats, and a cup or so of steel-cut oats or my favorite, Bob’s Red Mill 5-Grain Rolled Cereal, which is a wonderful blend including oats, flaxseed, barley and rye.  (I looove all the Bob’s Red Mill line – all the specialty flours and grains you need!) Today’s batch was quick oats, regular oats, steel-cut oats and a handful of flaxseed. I then added about a half-cup of chopped dried apricots, a quarter cup of apricot preserves, and 3/4 of a cup of walnuts that I’d rough-chopped and toasted on the stove with a little butter, brown sugar and cinnamon. De-lish.  Other adjustments: substitute applesauce for most or all of the oil, and I have used milk powder and water instead of regular milk. (Confession: I’ve also used half-and-half and butter.) I’ve used Splenda in place of the sugar, but I’ve also used brown sugar in varying amounts every time. The nice thing about this sort of recipe is that it’s very accommodating and forgiving. I always use the eggs and the baking powder, but I’ve sometimes added more oats and had a drier mixture going in to the oven – other times it’s been pretty wet and has come out moist. Either way it’s really delicious hot with some milk poured on top, and it reheats beautifully. It’s a great weekend dish, but you can also make it the night before, leave it in the fridge and bake it in the morning. It’s filling, it keeps you full all morning, and it has lots of good fiber. It’s also a nice recipe for those of you who tend to follow every recipe to the letter, and you want to break free and experiment a bit – just keep your wet ratios in line with your dry, and try a variety of dried fruits, nuts and seeds. It’s like fun birdseed for people!

oh mah goooooood

ok, sorry, this isn’t a real post. I’ve spent the morning doing the WP upgrade (sorry, Meesha, no matter how many times I try to use the automatic upgrade, I’m still forced to do the overall upgrade manually.) Which was all fine and dandy until I tried to upgrade my plugins, which absolutely refuse to connect to my server. I’ve checked, double-checked, changed host numbers, tried different passwords, all to no avail. wtf? and then I see that my basic config file hasn’t been updated/upgraded since October, so I edited that  – and suddenly my entire blog went away. I almost threw up. So I restored the old file and blog came back, but I know I don’t have the most current config.php file now, the sizes are different, but this is definitely where the blurring of capability meets doesn’t-necessarily-know-wtf-she-is-doing collide and so I may require some speshal help at some point. I do have a laptop now so I’m mobile, if anyone wants to find time to meet after the snowpocalypse melts.

BLEAH!

But let’s talk about my precious. Precious Ramotswe, named Precious first and foremost because my laptop makes me feel like Gollum, and I want to pet my precioussssss yesssssss, we covet, and then I thought I’d class it up by naming her for the main character in the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency books, whom I love.  She’s a stately Dell Studio Inspiron, 17″, Windows 7  and has all the bells & whistles I wanted/needed for less than it would have cost to buy a notebook off the shelf & add on the programs. Had to wait a few weeks, but worth it.

My new little friend...JWo said it looks like a creamsicle. It is delicious!

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