Riding the Bike with One Pedal.

Evidence of the Crazy….

Because you needed more, right?

I had Friday off, for a long-awaited spa day. I had originally scheduled my appointment for a month earlier, but the spa had a water main break in their building, and despite their best efforts, weren’t able to re-open in time for me to make my appointment. Boo! But, on the flip side, they gave me a 25% discount on all my services, so Yay! I had squirreled away a few SpaFinder certificates as well, so it was a fairly inexpensive day.

But I’m never good with ‘just lying there’. I get antsy. I’m a multi-tasker, and I start to fidget. And my brain starts to wander and get a little nutso on me. I was having a hand & foot treatment, and part of the process is that they put a mask on your hands & feet, and then wrap them in plastic bags & tuck them under blankets and leave you that way for 10-15 minutes.

Immediately, I start to think about how I now must resemble a corpse at a crime scene. Bagged and tagged, with evidence-preserving baggies on my hands and feet, except, of course, I’ve read and watched enough procedurals to know that it really should be brown paper bags for preserving evidence properly. Details, details. I start getting antsy and flail a bit with my plastic-covered extremities. Then, my brain thinks, “What if an armed gunman burst into the spa? Where would I hide?”

Immediately, I think, at the end of the table, furthest point from the door. But crouched down, I’d feel vulnerable, not well-hidden.  I’m not sure if there’s an opening to go under the table, or if it’s closed off. There’s a closet over there, that would be good, but of course the table would be mussed up and it could be very apparent that someone was/is inside here. Well, I’d have to count on the element of surprise, because the last thing an armed gunman might expect is a pissed off, un-relaxed fat lady emerging from the closet like a wounded rhino, with plastic bags on her hands and feet, which actually would be handy for a suffocation. Self-defense, of course.

Finally, the technician returned and I could stop my crime scene imaginations. And for the record, I was very relaxed after the day was done – I just don’t relax on command as well as I’d like.  And my mind sure does wander……


  1. Emma Dog

    LOL!!! That’s awesome! I’m the same way – I can’t sit still without my head running through all kinds of ideas of what could happen while I’m being still, how I’d react, how deep the shit would be if I was truly relaxed while I was trying to relax…

    I bought a membership to Massage Envy. I’m not due for my next session until late this month, which comes in handy since we’re on overtime until after Turkey Day. I might have to treat myself to one between now and then, though. And I’ll probably be running through your daydream in my head while I lay there trying to relax. lol

  2. shannon in oregon

    you are so like me it’s almost frightening at times. my imagination is one of the wildest and most vivid. i’m always thinking about fires, how to get the animals out. burglaries, if they broke through a window (or one of our three doors with windows) would the cats and dog get out and get lost or worse, killed? when we die, who they will go to (well, hopefully not these three, but…whatever animals we have at the time).

    great, now my brain is working overtime. i think i am going to grab my coffee and go knit in a quiet corner.

  3. bekah

    Oh my goodness… you are totally insane. All I need to do is SEE a massage table and my mind shuts off and I do a full-body relax. lol.

  4. Becky

    My mind wanders too, though admittedly not quite in the same direction 🙂 I treat myself to massages about once every quarter.

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